I heard about a new source for Kratom recently. At first I was very underwhelmed as the kratom from this supplier doesn't have the intense euphoria and amazing boost to musical appreciation, compared to the stuff I was getting from the NL during the legal high era, a few years ago now. I gather that there are prime locations for growing kratom, and I suspect that stock that came via the NL a few years ago was just about the best available. It certainly was so good that I went through several cycles of addiction and quit. When a substance is so good that it's very difficult to not use it, it can create problems.
So with the current stuff, it doesn't have the intense euphoria and amazing boost to musical appreciation. However, it is smashing my self-diagnosed and suspected ADHD and is helping me cope with a very demaniding workload on my job. This job isnt right for me, the workload is too much, considering that (I believe that I) have ADHD, even with self medicating, and there are too many interruptions and social demands and too much stress which is stretching my Autistic limits. THe problem with watching too many things about Autism on Youtube is that they mostly go on about all the limitations and difficulties the condition imposes on people. Sometimes it's better to watch stuff that is about stretching your limits and discovering what you can do, despite the challenges.
I will be finding out tomorrow whether work are going to flat out say this new role is not suitable for me and suggest or force me to take a redundancy. That would give me 5 paid weeks to find a new job, before unemployment starts eating into my funds. If they dont say that, but put me on a bastarding Performance Improvement Plan which has been suggested that it might happen, even though I'm meeting the targets they are telling me about. It's quite likely that my ADHD and Autism is creating something of an image problem, in terms of how others see me. I'm doing the job OK, but actual performance only accounts for about 10% of how you are perceived. Something like 45% each is all about image and exposure (making people aware of the good work you have done.) If I'm not forced out, I will stick at this job as long as I can. It pays pretty well for one thing. And also unemployment is set to increase and peak over the next year or so, so not teh best time to be out of work.
Hopefully in a year or so unemployment will be falling, I'll have had my ADHD assessment and been put on appropriate meds, and will be in a better position to be able to hand in my notice at my current place, and look for something more suitable.
Anyway, back to the kratom. I've found that mixing a couple of the strains does enhance music. It was sounding extra good yesterday. I over indulged and re-dosed too many times yesterday though, and i'm feeling pretty nauseous today and possibly feeling something that feels like the mildest of withdrawls. After 6 days use in a row. It's so mild though that I might be imagining it. I've had a phenergan and a home made ginger and honey hot drink to help with the nauseousness and a modafinil just for good measure, because why not lol.
After a few weeks use I seem to be continually upgrading my estimation of this kratom. It's been a matter of finding the right strains, or mixture of strains, and the right doses.
