Girlfriend to nothing to cocaine addiction

[Cocainjosh]

Hey everyone , first off I am 19 years old. How do I get out of this rut I'm in? My girlfriend left me 2 days after Christmas , I proposed on Christmas morning too. Once she left I became extremely depressed and started looking for an easy way out , then I met cocaine. For the last 5 months I have been taking a lot of cocaine , as I'm typing this message it's half 4 in the morning and I've sniffed 4g of the purest stuff I can get , this happens 2 or 3 times during the week, and at weekends I just don't sleep , constantly taking this drug. I lost my job through it , my father was my boss too which makes it wprse . A month back I got caught with 7g on me which I almost went to jail for, no idea how I didn't . My father and I haven't spoken since then . As for my ex? She has been trying to contact me since we broke up but I can't do it, my love for cocaine is too strong , I would rather take cpcaine than spend time with her (even though we arnt together) I'm also not mentally prepared to love again, I've recently been diagnosed with anxiety , depression , paranoia , insomnia , scitsoftenia and I've lost a lot of weight , 3 stone in the last 4-5 months , I'm now 9.5 stone , I used to be 12.5 , I used to play rugby and everything , I used to love to be outside and see my friends but now I just don't do anything anymore , all I do is drive my car around and take cocaine , I am still unemployed and I don't even want to work. Suicide has been a thaught of mine but thanks to my one best friend who has stuck by me through everything he showed me I'm not a waste of space. Last week I moved outve my sunny little seaside town to the city , alone , with nobody. To start fresh! Come off the drugs! It lasted 2 days and then my habit caught me again , and here I am, same situation but without my friends or my car (sold it to pay debts before I left , £10k of debts which I had racked up in 4-5 months) I feel that I'm a disappointment to my family . The reason I write on here is because I'm hidden behind a screen, nobody knows who I am so I can be honest about my situation. Please can someone help me! Tried therapy and everything like that but it doesn't help

 

[Rob91837]

I'm sorry about what your going through. I haven't gotten into coke so im not sure on how you could really combat it but my advice would be that you just need to really think about what is happening with your life. Think about what you can do in order to get back on track by looking for a job and even force yourself to talk to your ex and hangout with her which could even cut you back on doing more since she would be around. Maybe she could be what saves you. Cut down a line every other time you use and smoke some weed to fill in that missing line. Just think about being homeless with no money and no hope for your future (and no more money for coke). How do you think you will feel when that happens? After you take in that line and the effects fade, how do you really feel? Do you feel like the high you just had was really worth it? Worth the money you spent? Worth the amount of time it lasted? Worth all the things you did in life that you accomplished and all the things you went through just to start snorting crap in your nose all the time? I sure don't think it is and I hope you don't. Put away money for bills and food and things you need to stay stable and if you can truly push yourself just the littlest bit everyother time then that shows you can really save yourself someday soon. If the only way you can get coke is through somebody's number you have then just delete it. Force yourself to. Don't think about what your gonna lose, think about what you would gain from doing that. Contact your dad and apologize to him. how about you even just go out and buy a Xbox or something that can keep you occupied rather than using. Its really not as hard as it seems. It may take some time but it wouldnt take that long of a time to go through the withdrawals id imagine. Just really think about what your doing now. I promise you that you will not be satisfied with the drug in the end. Youll be that person that you told yourself you wouldnt be and that you would never have thought of being. Do you wanna be that one guy that tells everyone about how he wishes he never touched the drug and is telling the story of how he ended up where he is? You still have time to fix it. Your mind is just set on the present and not the future. Do what you can while you still can or your just gonna watch yourself dig your own grave. I know your smarter than that bro.

 

[Brendan12]

Yo, nothing is wrong..you only think it's so..

The way people gets a going..is because they have a certain belief..and thats the root of their existence..and they live breed and die around this central circumference.350...to 180 degrees...a 100% chance of losing..and winning at the same time..there is a reason for your existence...maybe to forgive..or understand or create art for example..

 

[llama112]

It somewhat depends what area you're in. In Canada, you could go to a mental health place for free and hopefully get urgent care to see a psychiatrist (who will HOPEFULLY be more helpful than therapy).
Coming off of a substance is hard. I'd suggest you post in one of the other forums specifically about coming off of that.
You CAN do it. You CAN get your life back on track and change your relationships, especially with your family. Substances are an easy way out when you're sad but it's not good to go on that long.
Think about what you want in life and look into ways to cut back or quit cold turkey. Maybe you don't know what you want right now and it could very much change in a few years. You are so young. Get through the hard part now and then you will get your life back on track and surround yourself with positive people as well.
Best of luck

 

[Erikmen]

You have been into this addiction life, but not for so long. Maybe you should try to find something to do during the day. With time Coke messes with your mind and the accute anxiety you have now could be way worse, not to mention all of the psychological mental problems. Coke loses its charm if it's done with that much repetition. And it doesn't seem you are having fun or feeling great. Besides the purest you think that coke can be, I can say without a doubt that this is probably still very cut.

In South American countries where you could get the finest coke people would die and OD very easily with 4G. The amounts you are taking would have already caused you few trips to the ER. I know about people with years of addiction who abused cocaine, also by shooting up who would OD with that much and that frequently. So all of the cut poison you are taking now might eventually make you feel sick bad especially your nose and stomach. And at the end you are all alone being only 19.

IMHO you are very young to say you can't do this or that. Of course you can! You have an entire life ahead of you. Being like that with 19 is okay and temporary but I'm sure you don't want to be that guy in the late 30's or 40 with a drug problem with years and years of emptiness. All I want to say is that now is the time you have to deal with that, so my suggestion is that you try! You can certainly do it, but you need to want to do it. There's an expression which says something like you do this out of love or out of sickness. It's a matter of time, some say.

I wish you the best of luck! Go get your girl, it seemed to me she was important and whatever this is, it's only 5 months old so you can handle! Take care.

 

[pofacedhoe]

its possible to break this pattern of behaviour.

you are not the first and you wont be the last

all it is is a pattern. go to your GP if in uk and get counselling

the biggest problem post coke addiction will be depression. be prepared to experience this. it will take time but eventually it will lift.

you need hobby to help fill your time and excercise to improve your mood (hard to fathom in stim withdrawl feeling tired)

how are you paying your rent with no job and a coke habit?

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

I give you props for posting on here... I hope you're reading this thread... or will return to read the posts. :/

You need to check yourself into rehab. Will your parents pay for it? You have some major issues.. and need major help. Please post and let us know you are ok.