Girl Waiting to Cross the Street

i didn't like this at all - smacks way too much of judging somebody just because of the way they look which seems to me about as shallow as you think she was. seems hypocritical, that's all.
you have no idea what's going on inside her head and i think you do both her and yourself a disservice by writing this.
all the best
alasdair
 
alasdairm,
You are entitled to your opinion and I don't hold anything against you expressing it. I guess if you were there that day and seen this girl, you would have known what I was writing about. She was riding the bus, all dolled up, but beaming with pain, her face looked worn and you could see that she was not happy with life. Just one of those people you know from afar who is struggling with pain and fear. The way she reacted to a homeless person in her presence, the person was not even begging for a coin, just standing there waiting to cross the street next to her. This is about a mix of her reaction to this homeless person and her obviously holding on to a "look" that society expects from women and how hard the struggle is for young college women to live up to this.
Thank you again for your opinion.
~Crow
 
hey crow
thanks for your reply.
you could see that she was not happy with life.
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my point again - she may have seemed unhappy but you have absolutely no idea what's going on inside her head. granted, everything you wrote might just be true. but it might also be a complete crock and, by suggesting everything you did about her from such a brief look, does her and you a disservice.
anyway, don't want to drag this out. thanks for posting your words and have a wonderful weekend.
alasdair
 
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^^^like I said, I guess you just had to be there... :-|
[ 13 October 2002: Message edited by: Crow ]
 
With your permission I would like to add this to my online poetry collection. I would give you full recognition for it, and it would be nice to share this fabulous piece with others.
Let me know.
 
I guess you just had to be there
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perhaps. if i was there, i'd like to think i would not have the audacity to say i know what's going on inside somebody's head just based on an all-too-brief look.
if you feel i'm breaking guidelines, let me know and we can take this off-line to email.
i said i was not going to drag this out but i think it's an important point.
i think the thing that's annoying me most is the fact that you don't see to accept that there's any possibility that your assumptions about this woman are completely wrong.
you've never even spoken to her and you've decided you know her life, her feelings. it just seems extremely arrogant to me. it's just not the kind of thing i normally expect to see on bluelight and i suppose that, in a way, saddens me.
stil, everybody else seems to love it so maybe i'm "wrong".
perhaps one day you'll write a way-off poem about somebody here based on nothing more than a passing encounter and they'll understand what i mean...
ok, vent over. i promise i'll let this lie now. last word is your for the taking :)
alasdair
 
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E-Girl,
Feel free to do whatever you like :)
alasdairm,
i think the thing that's annoying me most is the fact that you don't see to accept that there's any possibility that your assumptions about this woman are completely wrong.
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I never said that I could have been wrong. I could or could not. I guess this is just a mystery that will never be solved. I have since never seen this young woman again. **shrug**
perhaps one day you'll write a way-off poem about somebody here based on nothing more than a passing encounter and they'll understand what i mean...
Click to expand...
I encourage you to read other poems that I have posted on this board. This is the only piece that I have written under these circumstances. Everything else is of MY firsthand experiences. Please do not judge me or my writting from this one piece, like I have stated before, feel free to read others.
Once again thank you for your comments and please feel free to email me if you would like to discuss this further.
~Crow
 
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Very well written.
And I think what everyone should keep in mind is that this is poetry, not a factual statement. Whether or not that girl was happy is irrelevant. As the author, it is your perogative to depict her in any way you see fit. You are describing a TYPE of person, and I'm sure everyone knows someone that's like that girl. I certainly do, so I can relate. And it's also beautifull worded.
On a side note you might want to change "Revlon veal" to "Revlon veil."
[ 15 October 2002: Message edited by: Benefit ]
 
hello
i have taken this offline to email with crow. it's been a very positive exchange.
apologies if i offended or upset anybody with my comments.
best wishes
alasdair
 
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