Girl at the mall

[pk.]

escalator girl,

you were all I could see

as you brushed past the grey figures;

your yellow dress stood out

in a dull room -

your coffee-brown eyes

glanced down

with a shy smile.

you'll pass

and

I'll never know you,

or your story

or the chapters which made you,

but I will remember that face

and the grace with which your

weightless feet moved you about

in this busy horrible place.

 

[pk.]

Farewell

your gentle hand in mine,

touched briefly -

for the first time

your dress wavered in the wind

like a timid kite without a string

it brushed my skin

and although we departed

we shared a warm kiss

in the bitter cold of the carpark.

and as we walked opposite ways -

we left behind deep sighs,

left to linger in the cool night sky

along with many others, i'm sure

to be forgotten, like the rest.

 

[New]

I feel these...they capture the ethereal nature of memory along with the wistful nature of loss, sort of like trying to grasp at clouds.

Keep it up, I'm enjoying this.

 

[pk.]

thanks =)

I'm trying to improve my writing, everything I post is usually hastily written. I guess I also need to improve my patience, I know that with additional time, I could expand and improve these but I get so impatient and just need to post... I have this horrible overt desire for acknowledgement and it usually shows...

 

[herbavore]

pk., these are really beautiful. Of course you want acknowledgement--no shame in that!--we all do. That's why we write instead of just thinking it. Still, it shows that you are honing your writing--its your art, it deserves your scrutiny and care.

 

[Raz]

I really like how the first one captures the sense of when you happen across someone in a normal environment and they really capture your attention for some reason.

And I love the line your dress wavered in the wind like a timid kite without a string

Awesome stuff!

 

[pk.]

Danke! =)

 

[AlwaysGangsta]

Hey man very nice... painted an emotional picture in my mind

ever thought about publishing a book of your work? it's well done. props.