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getting to a scary point now.

or the light spots that I also experienced up to two months after the last time I rolled went away and his didn't

also that little squiggley thing you can see out of the corner of your eye called protein, that took forever to finally go away as well. it fucks with your eyes making them more sensitive, so i don't really see the difference between what i said and what you said anyway
 
Problem with rolling that much besides the fact that it will eventually stop working is where it will leave you when it does. If you're rolling every weekend, you've gotta be spending a lot of money and energy. How productive are you outside of your weekend?

If you're rolling hard or even trying to roll hard every weekend, I can't imagine there's much else your accomplishing in your spare time because it gets used up on recovering. My point is that if when the magic was lost, the rest of your life was still on track and progressing well, the ensuing boredom and depression wouldn't be so tough to take, but when you realize the only thing that was making you happy in your life is gone, it sucks big time. You've got nothing to fall back on.

At the very least, if you're gonna roll a lot, only do it for a few months and then take a big break. I kind of have a season now when I roll...usually August through Halloween or Thanksgiving, I'll roll once or twice a month. Even with just a few months of that, my life stalls out now matter how hard I try to keep it up, so I sort of work/earn this period each year by being productive as possible when I'm not rolling so that when those few months ends, I've still got a foundation to fall back on.

Helps big time with minimizing depression/anxiety/etc. and keeping me from pushing to the point of loss of magic. It's tough, cause while the magic's there, it's very tempting to continue, but if you can look ahead a bit and see the loss coming and stop beforehand, you'll be better off for it.

If you've never lost the magic, then it may be tough to see it coming and I'd be surprised if you were able to have the self control to stop yourself before it happens anyway. Sounds like you've got quite an appetite...many of us do :-) If you get there, learn from the experience and try not to let it get to that point again.

One time that really sat with me and I've never forgot it where I lost the magic and it took ahwhile to recover. I dropped like 10 or 12 quality pills one night after a few months binging and felt no euphoria. Was fucked up with blurry vision and whatnot, but the experience was actually disphoric...on 10 bombs! I had nothing else going on in my life, so there was nothing left to rely on for happiness. I'll never allow myself to get there again.
 
I know a lot about wanting to chase the high... And you just don't want it to end huh? I overdid it a couple of times too because I just didn't want it to end! I realized that that would give me a lot of problems, so I decided to do something about it. I only roll at events, so I decided that I'm only going to take in the exact number of pills that I plan on consuming that night. Maybe what you should do, if you reeeally won't listen to other Bluelighters and take a break, is only buy (and bring with you) a reasonable number, and have a responsible person help you with not taking anymore (if you come across more). My hubby has been really helpful with that, and he "controls" my intake if I say "I only want to take one more..." Because that one more could turn into another one. And another. And another.
But I do agree with everyone... Break!!!
Good luck!

SO agree with take only what you need, I use to take more then I needed and always ended up taking all of them, SO I've but back drastically only take 2 with me if I plan on going.
 
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