I am a recovering opiate addict who used for 5 years to varying degrees. 2 months ago, I hit a low and decided for the first time since I began that I truly did not want to use again. I've tried "quitting" hundreds of times but never lasted more than 20ish days, or I quit but rePlaced the opiates with alcohol or benzos. I'm currently on day 51 and it has been extremely easy for me so far, with minimal cravings and thought centered around it. I've found over the past 4 days though, that cravings have picked up and thoughts regarding opiates have as well. I've been practicing being mindful of what causes me to crave... Anxiety, locational triggers, rewarding myself after a good workout, etc... But the Past few days I haven't been able to pinpoint the reasons why my cravings and thoughts have spiked to the highest levels since day 1/51, especially because there is no sign of triggers. Can anyone help me reason this out?
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Getting over the hump
- Thread starter MrRainbow
- Start date
Hey MrRainbow.. and Welcome to Blue light
This seems pretty normal to me as it sounds like you are just working your way through your cycle of addiiction. Take a look through this and espiaclly read the little bit on the cycle of addciton.
>Addiction Guide<
also it is common for people to espierince "Frustration and internal pain that leads to anxiety and a demand for relief of these symptoms" but there are some of us who are positive relapsers.. so instead of us being really triggred by a negative event we are instead triggred allot more from positive events. So in other words wheneverything is going awsome we may think yeah but this could be even better or some such thing.. possibly we don't even think anything at all and or subcosciouse says alright everything is perfect time to use and possibly mess it all up again. I am much more likelly to relapse when everything is goinng really good, guess im just a positive relapser.
unfortunatelly just by watching and dealing with or avoiding sensurary stimululouse we cant avoid the addcitive drive all together. A way to think about this is in relation to the sex drve.. we dont need sexual satifaction everyday and peoples needs vary a great deal from person to person. But our addciton is in the same place in the brain as our other drives including sex and so depending on the person the drive to use will ramp up "untriggered" at intervals for that addcit.
So i feel this is something an addict has to figure out how to prevent before the get into the active use phase. These are the times that people find the support of other additcs weather it be the fellowships of NA or AA >here< or a different approach like smart recovery >here< helpful and in many cases needed.. we as addicts in recovery kinda all float around in different stages of the cycle of addiction and thus when on of us is starting to crumble then another of us will be in good shape and then the roles will reverse and so we all stay honest with and lean on each other when it gets a little dicey and the drive picks up.
It seams you are having a strong recovery and have done allot of smart things to make it peaceful and enjoyable.. I would consider setting up a support system for when the waters get a little rough from time to time
cause its really good to have people who know what you are experiencing and it feels good to help a fellow addict and its really nice to have people to tie up with when your inner tube looses a little air from time to time.
This seems pretty normal to me as it sounds like you are just working your way through your cycle of addiiction. Take a look through this and espiaclly read the little bit on the cycle of addciton.
>Addiction Guide<
also it is common for people to espierince "Frustration and internal pain that leads to anxiety and a demand for relief of these symptoms" but there are some of us who are positive relapsers.. so instead of us being really triggred by a negative event we are instead triggred allot more from positive events. So in other words wheneverything is going awsome we may think yeah but this could be even better or some such thing.. possibly we don't even think anything at all and or subcosciouse says alright everything is perfect time to use and possibly mess it all up again. I am much more likelly to relapse when everything is goinng really good, guess im just a positive relapser.
unfortunatelly just by watching and dealing with or avoiding sensurary stimululouse we cant avoid the addcitive drive all together. A way to think about this is in relation to the sex drve.. we dont need sexual satifaction everyday and peoples needs vary a great deal from person to person. But our addciton is in the same place in the brain as our other drives including sex and so depending on the person the drive to use will ramp up "untriggered" at intervals for that addcit.
So i feel this is something an addict has to figure out how to prevent before the get into the active use phase. These are the times that people find the support of other additcs weather it be the fellowships of NA or AA >here< or a different approach like smart recovery >here< helpful and in many cases needed.. we as addicts in recovery kinda all float around in different stages of the cycle of addiction and thus when on of us is starting to crumble then another of us will be in good shape and then the roles will reverse and so we all stay honest with and lean on each other when it gets a little dicey and the drive picks up.
It seams you are having a strong recovery and have done allot of smart things to make it peaceful and enjoyable.. I would consider setting up a support system for when the waters get a little rough from time to time
cause its really good to have people who know what you are experiencing and it feels good to help a fellow addict and its really nice to have people to tie up with when your inner tube looses a little air from time to time. NSFW:
pro re nata
Bluelighter
hi MrRainbow.. .. congratulations on reaching the point you have, nice work! very typical in what you are going through, these feelings can some times just pop up out of no where and ride like a wave. they will come and go. the more time that passes the less and further apart they will occur. even tho you do not feel that you are "seeing" a trigger the subconscious mind can set off an unexpected impulse to a relation your consciousness is not connecting or comprehending. getting bit but can not see the bite.
i really feel around the 9ish month mark of abstaining from "all" use these unexpected urges really start to dissipate. if you are still using benzos, alcohol, even herb it can procrastinate this process even that much more. i know you said you are not replacing which is wonderful!! keep with that mindset and try to keep with that practice for up to 12 months at least and that unexpected itch should really be miner.
i feel after reaching this point that the main urges/itches will stem from triggers that you have mainly identified with but we for sure need to respect in being mindful that a new or un-expected one can always occur. having a good steady healthy routine from diet to exercises to people, places and things is huge. also as NSA has mentioned support groups of NA/AA and or SMART along with all the other fantastic words and advice he has offered can be so helpful in keeping a positive, pro-active mind set in the direction you want to head.
here is a recent thread that touches down on some similar aspects you are going through but with a different perspective that might be helpful and lend some things to take into consideration.
>OPIATES, occasional use after addiction & what it does to receptors<
keep up the good work and practicing the patience you have, these urges will/can become part of the distant past! best to you and your recovery MrRainbow!
i really feel around the 9ish month mark of abstaining from "all" use these unexpected urges really start to dissipate. if you are still using benzos, alcohol, even herb it can procrastinate this process even that much more. i know you said you are not replacing which is wonderful!! keep with that mindset and try to keep with that practice for up to 12 months at least and that unexpected itch should really be miner.
i feel after reaching this point that the main urges/itches will stem from triggers that you have mainly identified with but we for sure need to respect in being mindful that a new or un-expected one can always occur. having a good steady healthy routine from diet to exercises to people, places and things is huge. also as NSA has mentioned support groups of NA/AA and or SMART along with all the other fantastic words and advice he has offered can be so helpful in keeping a positive, pro-active mind set in the direction you want to head.
here is a recent thread that touches down on some similar aspects you are going through but with a different perspective that might be helpful and lend some things to take into consideration.
>OPIATES, occasional use after addiction & what it does to receptors<
keep up the good work and practicing the patience you have, these urges will/can become part of the distant past! best to you and your recovery MrRainbow!
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I greatly appreciate the encouraging and insightful responses. During my 52 days clean of opiates I have still been drinking and smoking marijuana. Every instance has been in what I consider a recreational environment where I'm with friends enjoying myself and I personally have no issue with the frequency of the usage of those drugs (generally 1-3 days a week, I'm 24 and like to grab drinks from time to time). Previously, during quitting attempts, I would smoke, drink, and use benzos daily.
Now, I can definitely see someone's perspective of this post as me rationalizing continued drug use, and that may be the case. I think it's important to note that I've never denied my drug issue, or never trivialized it's danger. I think I'm very very aware of it's danger and the blurs in reality that it causes. Having said that, I do not feel that my alcohol/weed use is even remotely out of control, or dangerous (at the present time). BUT, it very well could be depending on one's personal perception.
So basically, I'd be interested in hearing how this alcohol/weed use effects the recovery process? I want to be in a great position to succeed but I don't want to give up my social life or the occasional intoxication in doing so.
Now, I can definitely see someone's perspective of this post as me rationalizing continued drug use, and that may be the case. I think it's important to note that I've never denied my drug issue, or never trivialized it's danger. I think I'm very very aware of it's danger and the blurs in reality that it causes. Having said that, I do not feel that my alcohol/weed use is even remotely out of control, or dangerous (at the present time). BUT, it very well could be depending on one's personal perception.
So basically, I'd be interested in hearing how this alcohol/weed use effects the recovery process? I want to be in a great position to succeed but I don't want to give up my social life or the occasional intoxication in doing so.
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Just my two cents, but Ive learned over the years that its all or nothing. Not judging you at all; I quit drinking this year and my opiate level is out of control again. Out of the last 25 years of using I've been totally clean four years. The mistake I made was thinking that I had this shit beat, and could use like a "normal person"
Only you know if your an addict, and if you are you know in your heart that your never going to be normal. It's a game that you'll never win. It's taken me my lifetime to figure this out, and my goal is to be totally sober within a year.
Good luck man.
Only you know if your an addict, and if you are you know in your heart that your never going to be normal. It's a game that you'll never win. It's taken me my lifetime to figure this out, and my goal is to be totally sober within a year.
Good luck man.
LilbabiC
Bluelighter
Could it be boredom? Are you not satisfied with your activites? While it is important to keep busy it is more so to keep busy with activities that are rewarding to our mind and soul.
Early in my recovery I got a job, I joined the gym and did other things that normal people do. It was great at first but then got unsatisfying. I also like you were smoking weed in social settings but that got boring too. I started thinking about heroin alot. I knew that just wasn't a healthy option. I went back to school found a different career, changed up some activities.
My point is that a healthy rewarding life that satisfies the mind and soul isn't going to fall into your lap. You have to go get it.
Early in my recovery I got a job, I joined the gym and did other things that normal people do. It was great at first but then got unsatisfying. I also like you were smoking weed in social settings but that got boring too. I started thinking about heroin alot. I knew that just wasn't a healthy option. I went back to school found a different career, changed up some activities.
My point is that a healthy rewarding life that satisfies the mind and soul isn't going to fall into your lap. You have to go get it.
pro re nata
Bluelighter
hi MrRainbow.. .. you can only answer your question. as we have given you our best advise for what we feel could be the best chance at success for you. from the responses you have received the census is all really the same to abstain from all use. please re-read over the responses and take a look at the link and how and what our brains go through during this period. then seriously re-visit the question you are asking yourself with your soul and what you really want for yourself.
sure you can smoke herb and drink "occasionally" as i get what it is like to be 24.. .. these activities can re-stimulate parts of your brain that can easily turn "occasionally" into everyday and before you know it and be right back at the top of the slide. if you choose to do so i would try and use as little alcohol as possible and if you have to use one or the other herb by all means. you know yourself and your impulses we just want the best for you!! good luck MrRainbow!!
sure you can smoke herb and drink "occasionally" as i get what it is like to be 24.. .. these activities can re-stimulate parts of your brain that can easily turn "occasionally" into everyday and before you know it and be right back at the top of the slide. if you choose to do so i would try and use as little alcohol as possible and if you have to use one or the other herb by all means. you know yourself and your impulses we just want the best for you!! good luck MrRainbow!!