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kmatrixg

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
82
Getting Clean - Suboxone

I'm a 23 year old male that has been addicted to opiates for 6 years. I've been on suboxone for nearly 2 years (20 months) and after titrating down from 24mg's a day, I finally landed on a comfortable 6mg's a day. That's been my dose for the past year. 2 days ago, I decided it was enough and stopped cold turkey. I found this site after I questioned whether the withdrawals have yet to start, or if this is the extent of my discomfort - I'm feeling fine, more happy that I've managed to make it to Day 3 clean than upset or anxious that I haven't had anything.

What I've taken from this experience so far is this: If you're ready to quit - you'll quit. The withdrawals will be easy without the anxiety of wanting your next hit. That's most of the pain - the anxiety, the restlessness, the mental discomfort. When you're ready to kick it, you wont have any of those cravings, the urge and temptation. The days will move faster and faster until you've reached the end of the road. I called my mother across the country this morning to tell her and she began to cry, telling me she's been praying for me. I'm not religious, but that certainly touched me; gave me strength, focus and will power. That's what this is all about I guess.

Good Luck to all
 
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Good luck brotha. It certainly is no easy task quitting that stuff. I've done it myself multiple times so I hope it goes good for you.
 
Welcome to Bluelight :)

I'm glad to hear you beat the beast.. I'm 23 too and was addicted to opiates for the better part of 4yrs.. The freedom you feel when off the junk is better than any rush can give you.
 
Welcome to you, and well done.

It does so help if you have the motivation from within, or from a loved one.

Your post touched me, thank you :)
 
Thanks everyone :) It makes me glad knowing this written experience may help others.

I've already told most of my close friends and family members what I've done and how far I've come and in my opinion, when people are aware of what you're doing, I feel I have more expectation to live up to - something that is completely necessary when trying to quit. The support system is set up and I'm well into Day 3. No turning back now. Hour 84 to be specific. 12 hours away from a full four days.

When I feel the physical discomfort, every stomach pain, every chill, every headache and jolting joint pain - I know it's my body cleaning itself. I invite it. I have turned my craving for the drug, into a craving for the pain knowing that without it, I'm not getting anywhere. When this is all said and done, I may very well believe that human willpower is the most powerful energy we can harness. With the willpower, you can do anything and the more you have, the easier the task at hand is.

Anyone reading this, worrying about quitting, putting it off for fear of the pain and discomfort, I say this; embrace it. It's cleansing, it's enlightening. If you believe you have the ability, the days will float by just as fast as when you were drowning your life with the drug. Stay positive, don't lose focus and don't be negative. When I started to tell myself that this experience may get 100 times worse, that's when I started to feel the withdrawals the way I remember them. The cravings. The psychological impact that a craving has in manifesting physical pain is indescribable. Instead, I've stayed positive. Don't be a recluse during this time - personal interaction helps tremendously. So to anyone who is in a similar situation that may have read through this - please, stay strong and don't turn back. Stay positive and stay focused. It's all determination from here. Good luck to all :)
 
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kmatrixg said:
Thanks everyone :) It makes me glad knowing this written experience may help others.

I've already told most of my close friends and family members what I've done and how far I've come and in my opinion, when people are aware of what you're doing, I feel I have more expectation to live up to - something that is completely necessary when trying to quit. The support system is set up and I'm well into Day 3. No turning back now. Hour 84 to be specific. 12 hours away from a full four days.

When I feel the physical discomfort, every stomach pain, every chill, every headache and jolting joint pain - I know it's my body cleaning itself. I invite it. I have turned my craving for the drug, into a craving for the pain knowing that without it, I'm not getting anywhere. When this is all said and done, I may very well believe that human willpower is the most powerful energy we can harness. With the willpower, you can do anything and the more you have, the easier the task at hand is.

Anyone reading this, worrying about quitting, putting it off for fear of the pain and discomfort, I say this; embrace it. It's cleansing, it's enlightening. If you believe you have the ability, the days will float by just as fast as when you were drowning your life with the drug. Stay positive, don't lose focus and don't be negative. When I started to tell myself that this experience may get 100 times worse, that's when I started to feel the withdrawals the way I remember them. The cravings. The psychological impact that a craving has in manifesting physical pain is indescribable. Instead, I've stayed positive. Don't be a recluse during this time - personal interaction helps tremendously. So to anyone who is in a similar situation that may have read through this - please, stay strong and don't turn back. Stay positive and stay focused. It's all determination from here. Good luck to all :)
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An inspiring post worth quoting. I am going to be pretty isolated for my actual withdrawal, but I find I need that. The interaction on here will help me for sure, and as soon as the withdrawals are fading I plan to interact with the real life people I know, because for me that does help, and it will be all the better knowing I'm not keeping a secret from them, that I've not got a system full of x, y or z...

Keep up the good work :)
 
psychohedonist said:
An inspiring post worth quoting. I am going to be pretty isolated for my actual withdrawal, but I find I need that. The interaction on here will help me for sure, and as soon as the withdrawals are fading I plan to interact with the real life people I know, because for me that does help and it will be all the better knowing I'm not keeping a secret from them, that I've not got a system full of x, y or z...

Keep up the good work :)
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Thank you! I have found that each day that goes by, my mind shakes off a little more dust than the last. I've been able to think clearly (although the communicative awkwardness in which a withdrawal brings is still present) and in this case, express myself well again. Concentrating on work was always so very hard because I'd always resort to my comfort-zone after I took my dose of suboxone. So far, I feel the motivation creeping back into my life and hopefully soon, priorities will begin to straighten themselves out too.

I agree that being alone in some cases is for the best. A few years ago I lived with 4 other people in a busy part of downtown, so naturally there was constant traffic day in and day out. A few months after moving in, I quit my job one morning because I woke up going on no score for at least 10 hours and a 12 hour work day ahead of me (neck deep in Acute W/D's). We all know - the only reason we work while living with an addiction is to - feed the addiction. So, my habit was that much larger of a burden. I often went far too long without a score (back in those days, 8 hours was 3 weeks). I moved back home with the parents and basically cut ties with everyone I knew except my girlfriend. I wasn't ready to quit, I was forced to quit. Unfortunately, it didn't work for me personally.
 
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Figured I'd update those who are following before the night's end...

Hour 103... I feel fantastic right now. I'm tired. My head is cloudy - not with the usual buprenorphine high - but with genuine melatonin. I'm still unsure whether or not the RLS will manifest once I lay down and stop focusing on something. That's probably been my least favorite feeling so far. :(

But, I'm about to enjoy my first non-opiate induced sleep in quite some time, 6 years to be exact. Each day I rediscover something else long forgotten.

EDIT: Listening to SRV in bed may induce involuntary leg movements. Maybe I can tire those suckers out ;)
 
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kmatrixg said:
Figured I'd update those who are following before the night's end...

Hour 103... I feel fantastic right now. I'm tired. My head is cloudy - not with the usual buprenorphine high - but with genuine melatonin. I'm still unsure whether or not the RLS will manifest once I lay down and stop focusing on something. That's probably been my least favorite feeling so far. :(

But, I'm about to enjoy my first non-opiate induced sleep in quite some time, 6 years to be exact. Each day I rediscover something else long forgotten.

EDIT: Listening to SRV in bed may induce involuntary leg movements. Maybe I can tire those suckers out ;)
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Well done on your 103 hours :) RLS/akathisia is a bitch, hope you keep on top of it! Keep up the good work!
 
This will most likely be my final “daily update”. After this I will post periodically with the progress or if anything changes in my recovery.

Nighttime experience after my last post:
12am-3am: The energy, alertness and concentration from the day waned gradually between these hours. Lights out at 3am.
3am-6am: Moderate RLS and agitation (Any RLS is bad RLS in my book!) Slept for less than 5 minutes about 20 times it seemed between these hours.
Decided on this next step:
5:30am: 100mg of Tramadol and small amount of marijuana. First dose of Tramadol in over 24 hrs
Roughly 6am-9:30am: Undisturbed 3.5 hours of sleep, which included some REM, accompanied by very vivid dreams (thank the LORD!) and a peaceful waking state. No withdrawal symptoms present upon waking.

(Hour 124) 11pm Beginning of Day 6: The only problem I’ve had all day today is some really extreme stomach pains in acute areas of my abdomen, like I ate Mexican food every meal for the last week; no diarrhea oddly enough. Loperamide dosing was started yesterday morning regardless, doses of 4mg 3td or 6mg if needed.

Medications taken today: (I’ve decided to use Tramadol only as a last resort from here on out)
1. Tylenol Rapid-Release 500mg Capsules: 2000mg in two separate doses, 8 hours apart. No more than two doses per day as I assume my liver is already working overtime.
2. Loperamide 2mg tablet form: 10mg in two doses, AM and PM.
3. Adderall ER 30mg Capsule

--I felt very refreshed this morning thanks to some much needed deep REM sleep. I felt slightly more stabilized for a longer period of time than I had the first 4 days after waking up. I had energy - natural energy and endorphins. I was finally able to eat this morning without becoming nauseous immediately after. It was nice to get some fuel into my body, albeit cereal.

Today was also my first day back to normal life, with a 3 hour class at 3pm. As I mentioned, I felt stabilized for most of the morning and early afternoon. Around 2pm, I took the adderall to help me concentrate and hopefully keep my mood positive. In the beginning, I felt the usual euphoric giddiness and sociability which was refreshing. However, about 2 hours after dosing with the adderall, mild lethargy surfaced and slowly progressed over the next couple hours. I also felt sad, probably from being so run down. The adder all, while enjoyable for the short burst it worked, has not had nearly the affect I thought it would. Right now, I feel as if my body is going to shut down involuntarily. I am excited to see if I can stay asleep for a good 8-9 hours. While there is a good chance it won’t happen, if I’m able to do that I’ll know I’m really making progress.

I'm starting to have real faith in this decision and when the time comes for me to cancel my monthly appointment tomorrow, I’m going to make the call. Mentally I feel liberated. I’m beginning to notice my ability to string numerous intelligent sounding sentences together in succession is returning rapidly. Concentration is coming back which is incredible. However, while my mood is stabilized longer from the time I wake up, I am still experiencing sudden mood swings that take me from a manic to a depressed state for no explained reason and without notice. I know this is natural and healthy in order for my body to learn how to release the chemicals that I replaced throughout the day at the appropriate times.

I’d like to say thank you to everyone who gave support and I would like to wish luck to everyone who is choosing to kick their habit. It’s all Mind over Matter.
 
And the days really do move faster with each passed. Today went by like a normal day!
 
hey man, welcome to the forum theres tons of info for you. good luck getting clean im sure you can do it
 
Thanks Derej, it's been good being able to vent and express without having to drag tired ass across the county to a meeting...

The cravings are coming strong today. I'm at Hour 165, almost to 7 full days. Jesus, I woke up feeling great today physically, got my 2nd night in a row of great sleep, but right now I'm fighting some intense cravings. I can't troll the boards because I know I'll see people talking about all the things that are floating around up there... Wanted to update - made it 7 days and it looks like all I'm going to be fighting now is the renewed urges.. Adios!
 
Gotta say your one strong individual, you seem very mature for your age and respect to you for what you've managed to achieve.

I'm almost twice your age and half as strong.
 
Juicy Lucy said:
Gotta say your one strong individual, you seem very mature for your age and respect to you for what you've managed to achieve.

I'm almost twice your age and half as strong.
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Everyone has a point in their life in which they exhibit extreme control and personal strength... I'm sure there were plenty of moments in your life where anyone else would have crumbled had they been in your situation.

Have faith in yourself :)
 
BanginMyLifeAway said:
good luck with your recovery i took subs to get off oxy/heroin and i just recently stopped the subs
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Congrats man! It's not easy to stop buprenorphine despite it being less addictive than full agonist opiates; so I am proud for you. :)

I wish I could quit buprenorphine - but pain prevents me from doing so at the moment, although this will change over time.
 
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