• Select Your Topic Then Scroll Down
    Alcohol Bupe Benzos
    Cocaine Heroin Opioids
    RCs Stimulants Misc
    Harm Reduction All Topics Gabapentinoids
    Tired of your habit? Struggling to cope?
    Want to regain control or get sober?
    Visit our Recovery Support Forums

Heroin getting clean from opiates.. this time its heroin

e92

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 20, 2011
Messages
229
im not really asking anything here... just kind of a journal for myself.

after being clean of percs for nearly a year i fucking relapsed in the beginning of the summer. since i've been out of the game the prices for percs shot up and availability went down. all the pill heads turned into dope heads.

so here i am, 36 hours after my last dose and im typing this because it's on my mind and im craving it. i dont really get bad physical withdrawals no matter how much i use, the worst i'll feel is tired, a bit of a head ache and the urge to just lay down. its the mental withdrawals that are the most difficult.

these past 2 weeks i've been at a real battle with myself by reluctantly picking up. the past 2 weeks i "quit" like 4 times... and then i just go buy some more.

its so frustrating because i am so confident when i tell myself this is it, i go strong for a day or so, then i start thinking "man i could really go for some diesel right now".... just like how im thinking right now. im staring at my phone, and its only a phone call away.
 
First of all. Trying is the first step, so keep it up and don't get too frustrated. You said you were able to get clean for nearly a year. What did you do to quit last time? Have you tried bupe or methadone? Those might be good stopgap measures and you'd prolly only have to be on them a short time because you don't get withdrawals.

Have you thought of deleting the phone number, or did you memorize it?
 
wow man, you sound EXACTLY like me right now. I was clean for 6 years and then came back about 3 years ago and been on board since. I came back to 80's and 30's being avail. then the 80's faded and became the 80's you could not crush, so I moved to 30's. as that addiction picked up and I was whacking down 6+ a day the price got higher and higher and before you know it we're talking $$. so a "friend aka dealer" all of a sudden has brown. brown happens to be cheaper than 30's and work just as good. BANG! I'm a dope fiend. my withdrawals do suck but not as bad as some make it out to be. I have been daily user of 1-3 grams a day depending on money. sniffer/shooter somehow. people area always shocked that I still sniff even tho I shoot as well. somehow I am obsessed w/ the sniffing process more than the needle. although, I do feel the needle has it's time where I LOVE IT; then there are the times I HATE IT and feel like dirt when blasting.

over the past month I was open to the GF/family and said I need help and checked into a rehab. I took a month off from work w/ some whack ass excuse and they let it be but w/ no pay, so rent, cell phone, etc, was all pushed back. and of course being a junkie I really didn't have money to lay on so my GF picked up the bills (very lucky I know). after being in rehab 2 days I had my cousin come get me and drive me home. I couldn't last because we just sat there and talked street talk; shooting dope, speedballs, who has better dope, etc. so I go home that day, grab $$ and a hotel for the night and dope and xanny are loaded up. I get calls that night from the GF/family and both are aware I am out and on a run. the next day I go to the parents and tell them I am staying there a week and going through the withdrawals. making my parents house my detox. I gave them my cell phone, wallet and car keys and sat in for a week. it was tough because after 24-36 hours I'd start to throw up, shit my pants, actually have the runs and have my mom have to see my underwear like that at the age of 30, get the dry/hot sweats, legs moving, alot of sleep nights 1 and 2 and then no sleep 3-7. on days 4-5 I am sleepless and I am getting accused of using because I am not acting "right" so that bothers me and I try/attempt to use but they have me blocked by having ALL OF MY STUFF. come day 7 I am starting to feel better and need to get out of the house because the detox at home has put me on edge w/ my parents and GF. so I leave after day 7 and go another 2 days before picking up. after the pick up I feel bad but it was done and too late. then I go 4 days and feel no withdrawals and with my mind thinking I have this beat.. guess what I did? I got more dope. then 4 days goes by again and I truly feel I have kicked the habit.. so guess what I do then? do more dope. that was yesterday, and guess what I did today? more dope. tomorrow at 3 I am going to meet with a counselor for a program (out patient) that I have gotten in to. it's supposedly a great out patient program in the Boston area. I am going ot push for the VIVITROL shot but I would need to run 7 days clean prior to the shot which I THINK I am capable of doing; after all, I am coming of 9 days just 2 weeks ago and that's the longest I've been sober for in years and years. I was considering Sub but I feel it's addiction part 2. Sub are always something I had just in-case but never really did them. even when I did take a Sub I still had the urge and would go out and get the brown the minute I could. I'd do it regardless of how many hours passed. not sure if I got high or not but told myself I did. sick, huh? never really felt the Sub worked for me which is why I kicked it at home w/ nothing. even while in detox for the 2 days I stayed away from the methadone and went w/ benzo type detox just to put me to bed and keep me laid out.

always found it easiest to kick dope sick by throwing down a benzo. that's, of course, if you already do not have a problem w/ benzos as well. i was prescribed 90 .5's a mo but canceled my script because I got scared of the addiction. I would read about benzo withdrawals and nothing but horror and I was already starting to abuse so I kicked that while still using the dope. the minute that was gone I was on to kicking the dope and making sure the prescription was CANCELED.

anyway, sorry for coming in this thread and taking over. didn't meant to at all. just felt I could relate and know exactly where you're coming from. its 4AM and I am up writing on a drug message board because I have nothing else to do and I am up for whatever reason. haven't been high since 7PM, so that's not why, right? ha. I have tomorrow off for a Dr's appointment at 3PM (this having to do w/ the brain tumor I have - a whole different story - whacky one, of course) so I am just browsing the board before I attempt bed. I can really relate to a lot being said but I am an ADDICT, so of course I can relate to a lot being told, right? ha.

I wish you nothing but the best, man. It can surly be done; we've both done it before and are on our way to doing it again! LETS DO IT!
 
its so frustrating because i am so confident when i tell myself this is it, i go strong for a day or so, then i start thinking "man i could really go for some diesel right now"....

it sound really familiar to me, as i guess it may sound to the 99% of adicts

when it happens to me, my selfesteem comes down, like "fxck it, im not strong, im weak"

But, let me tell you how i see this from outside: You are not weak, you are strong. This is the worst addiction known in humans. Most of people leaves it when them money runs off, and then cold turkey. You are leaving it because you want to, not because the money, it means you are strong.

Even if you fails sometimes ( it has happened to me sometimes too), i find your action ( to leave it not because running off money) as an strong mind action. every day you stay clean, having money for to buy, it means to me you are strong.

You may fell into a mistake on Wednesday, after being strong Monday and tuestday? Well, then dont let this mistake to define who are you. You may be weak on wednesday, but always remember to yourself that you were stronger than most of humans in Monday and tuesday ( the days are just an example of how i see this)

So, stay strong&clean, everyday you got it, its a day you can tekll to yourself: My mind is stronger than most of human´s minds
 
im not really asking anything here... just kind of a journal for myself.

after being clean of percs for nearly a year i fucking relapsed in the beginning of the summer. since i've been out of the game the prices for percs shot up and availability went down. all the pill heads turned into dope heads.

so here i am, 36 hours after my last dose and im typing this because it's on my mind and im craving it. i dont really get bad physical withdrawals no matter how much i use, the worst i'll feel is tired, a bit of a head ache and the urge to just lay down. its the mental withdrawals that are the most difficult.

these past 2 weeks i've been at a real battle with myself by reluctantly picking up. the past 2 weeks i "quit" like 4 times... and then i just go buy some more.

its so frustrating because i am so confident when i tell myself this is it, i go strong for a day or so, then i start thinking "man i could really go for some diesel right now".... just like how im thinking right now. im staring at my phone, and its only a phone call away.

You need to get your shit together bro. You are going to fuck yourself up bad with steroids and heroin, I'm telling you.

If you ever need someone to talk to bro, you can PM me here or over on gh15. I have been where you have been before bro so I'm not judging you. I just don't want to see you fuck up like I did bro and waste seven years.
 
pure curiosity here, but why is steroid/heroin a lethal combo? never done that myself but have done both steroid and heroin. of course (well, maybe I shouldnt say of course) they came at different points in life. then again, I am sure I did steroids and opiates (oxys) at one point in time. this going back to 03/04 maybe. just wondering how these 2 go together and why a legal combo. I know ALL DRUGS are BAD, esp. when used together but wondering what word is on these 2 together. esp. since most of us dope fiends use dope with other drugs like benzos, alcohol, uppers, downers, whatever.. nevermind steroids.
 
pure curiosity here, but why is steroid/heroin a lethal combo? never done that myself but have done both steroid and heroin. of course (well, maybe I shouldnt say of course) they came at different points in life. then again, I am sure I did steroids and opiates (oxys) at one point in time. this going back to 03/04 maybe. just wondering how these 2 go together and why a legal combo. I know ALL DRUGS are BAD, esp. when used together but wondering what word is on these 2 together. esp. since most of us dope fiends use dope with other drugs like benzos, alcohol, uppers, downers, whatever.. nevermind steroids.

Steroids with a narcotic put serious strain on the cardiovascular system and strong androgens (steroids) with a narcotic can cause extreme mood swings resulting in dangerous behavior, actions, or choices that can lead to you hurting yourself or someone else.

Every single death that was blamed by the media on steroids all had a common element; That common element was narcotics being in the system of the individual.
 
Opiate w/d is an utter bitch so I would not beat yourself up about been drawn back into 'her'. Most people fail the 1st few times but like anything, you can learn from the times you fucked up and that then at least gives you experience of quitting. Have you not tried tapering ? Or is it only CT ? Anyway I feel your frustration as I am currently detoxing from Pods and you are right, the mental side is the hardest bit. the physical side is just like having the flu to me.

Be so much easier if the w/d process did not take like 2 weeks or so !

But good luck my fried, you can certainly do this shit ! Always look at the bigger picture and know that life is so much nicer when you are not tied down by a daily habit. :)
 
Yeah you'd better try and quit otherwise you might have to sell the e92

lol never! my 335 is my baby!

anyway thanks for the positive input everyone. since i posted this i've done heroin twice, and 56 hours ago was my last dose and this seriously is it. no questions asked. im done. i got some suboxone, and started taking them last night. fuck opiates and back to the gym!
last summer i was 185lbs of muscle @ 5'9... now im 165 and even though i am naturally muscular, i still look like a little guy. i used to be able to throw up 225 on the bench 10 times, today i failed 135 on my 4th rep. wish me luck
 
Top