Genuinely looking for advice, combination of medications

[Captain_Relapse]

Hey,

I just registered as I have been reading posts from Bluelight for a long time. I genuinely trust this site more than most Doctors, reading people's experiences has been a great help to me.

Short background:

Opiate addict (clean for 2 years), H & oxy, MST...
Benzo addict (current, low dose) really want to get if these
Methylphenidate addict (prescribed, abused)

At the moment, I'm prescribed 1mg clonazeoam a day (tapered from 5-6 and a shit load of xanax on the side). 56mg methylohenidate a day and 45mg remeron (mirtazipine).

I live far from home, working in a... 'conservative' country as an American expat.

One of the main reasons I came was to stay clean and have no substances around me. But being alone, in a tough tough place to live made my GAD and OCD so bad that I had to go ER after a panic attack at work.

I went to a new Doctor today and told her everything. She told me that there were no benzos in the hospital due to import issues. So we talked and tried to work out an alternative.

I left with 4 boxes of amitriptyline, 4 boxes of Lyrica (pregabalin), 2 boxes of Ritalin and a 60 tab box of neurontin (gabaoentin).

Being the way I am, I went home and shot 80mg rit, felt like shit as usual. Guilty, sad... so I tried the Lyrica.

150mg, an hour later 75, and spaced out another few tabs. All in around 375mg.

This is incredible, no anxiety, no restlessness, no sadness or suicidal thoughts... Disassociated a little, light euphoria, feel like I railed an oxy mixed with a sprinkle of ket and amp.

Worried about this as it is an amazing feeling but I am sure it cannot be taken long term. But to come of the clonaz? Over say a month, does anyone think it's possible?

I genuinely trust the advice of experienced people on this site and I really hope soneone can advise.

Long story short:

The Remeron doesn't help with my feelings but helps me eat and sleep. I wanna switch to the Amitriptyline.

I wanna use the gabaoentin and pregabalin to get off the clonaz.

But I am completely dependant on the methylphenodate, I have no idea what to do.

The methylphenidate helps but i know it is holding me back and getting of it would be more beneficial than keeping abusing it.


If there are any typos, I apologise. I can spell but the Lyrica has messed me up ?.

Hope what I wrote makes sense and hope someone can relate and advise.

Cheers,

 

[Mafioso]

That is crazy your doctor gave you all those drugs to be completely honest- did you tell her you are an addict and struggle with addiction to prescribed drugs?

I'm not experienced with pregabalin or gabapentin but I know they are addictive and come with their own set of withdraws. I happened to just watch a documentary on youtube about that very drug.

I'm currently almost 3 months sober off of benzos(alpralozam and lorazepam), opiates(hydrocodone, oxycodone, codeine), Adderall, coke, MDMA and lsd. I've had a seizure and 2 psychotic episodes from benzo and opiate withdraw, largely the benzo though.. opiate WDs just has me shitting water, cramped up and seriously depressed, but it definitely didn't help.

The first thing I would suggest is consulting a doctor about getting off the drugs, if your current doctor doesn't think its a good idea then it might be time to find one who does. Likely they may not think it's a good idea because of the severity of withdraw benzos and antidepressants can have. I've never taken antidepressants although I've been recommended that I should, I have a brother who attempted suicide after quitting antidepressants and used to work with someone who took his own life a week after quitting. I would be very careful coming off of the antidepressants and maybe save those until you've already tapered off of all else.

I can tell you that taking a stimulant drug- whether you have ADD/ADHD or not, will increase your anxiety and may even be linked to the need for benzos or anxiety meds. DO NOT quit anxiety meds cold turkey unless you are under medical supervision and have been advised to do so- it is unlikely that anyone would advise you to do so even if you are under 24/7 care. Honestly, the cocktail of drugs you are taking is going to send you up and down and you;ll never be able to feel level IMO, you are taking stimulants and tranquilizers on top of antidepressants.

I'd suggest reaching out to someone who specializes in alcohol and drug counselling as well as making sure your doctor understand that you have problems with addiction particularly to the drugs prescribed.

IMO, there are better and healthier ways to deal with depression than taking antidepressants. I have to wonder if some of it isn't actually caused by the other drugs you are taking. I know stimulants without benzos or opiates always made me feel terribly anxious, insecure and all sorts of fucked up- but I liked them because I'd feel "up" and that's not even talking about the withdraws or comedown. I'm pretty sure everyone experiences the high and low whether or not they have a prescription or not. I personally don't believe a doctors recommendation means that someone isn't going to get high or low from the drug.

Again, this is just my own personal opinion from personal experience. Those are some serious drugs you are taking and they have very serious side effects. TELL A DOCTOR, please, tell a doctor that you want to get off that shit and that you are having problems with addiction. I can promise you switching to another addictive class of drugs will not help you in the long run- you may feel you have escaped benzo addiction-- but only to replace it with another addiction. If you feel that you have to take all those drugs so that you can continue working your job, well tbh it may be time to consider a change of pace/careers... I mean it does sound like you are quite unhappy at your current job.

tl;dr
The drugs you are taking have serious side effects and carry some nasty withdraws. I would not suggest withdrawing from them alone. I would advise consulting your doctor about getting off of them, I would even go as far as saying that it may be necessary to spend time at an inpatient facility where you can have 24/7 care. Someone who specializes in drug counseling can help you make it through the worst of the withdraws. I would suggest looking at the side effects of the drugs you are taking, just off the top of my head I can tell you they will include depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts.. Personally it never made sense why doctors prescribe these drugs other than they can't do anything else.

It may be advisable to take time off work or even consider a career change, sounds like you are really unhappy currently. You shouldn't be alone when getting off these drugs incase something happens, and it would best to be around trained professionals. PLEASE TELL YOUR DOCTOR YOU ARE AND ADDICT AND WANT OFF THE DRUGS.