Benzos general questions about my usage ;O

[speedaddict]

hello bluelighters, i was reding this forum for a while and i must say i fuckig love you all now comes my question...
so basicly im not sure should i be asking about my tollarence or is this type of drugs good for me at all :/
to begin with i have a general problem with loveing being high , no metter what... got busted with weed so i moved on to "normal" usage of mdma , speed got a little out of hand but what vories me the most is benzos... At begining i should have stated it was always just for fun , no anxseite or that type of bs (i know its not bs,but in my case it is ), you know 15-20mg of diazepam would get me really "slow mow" whitch i loved(it was all from my parents stash).. so soon after i went to psyhologyst and i got my self 0.5mg xanax , i started abusing it from start... i rememer as soon as i got home with that jucy looking box i poped 4 of them and mixed it with some wine (in those times i was drinking preatty havely) but my tollarence was always high , then all the sudden /lets say 1 month latter i got in stage where i would eat up whole 30 of 0.5mg xanax in 3 nights in a row , not to mention that it was always mixed with alcohol (hard liquour) it was fun but chaotic nights... once i woke up under my chicken table not knowing wtf happened ,other night i litterely fell on my face in the buss and people came rushing to help me out (pathetic i know). problem here is that in that time i was fulled with sadness and when i would drink and mix benzos /xanax especialy i would get supper agresive... all in all now im geting away from all those friends becouse im a weak person that can't have fun without being smashed, i can with my gf whitch doesn't have enugh time for me but its understandble since its the year where she goes to collage and all that bs... SO HERE COMES THE REAL QUESTION (FINALY) im at a stage, like tonight on example where i poped over 120mg diazepam and i got 3 pills infront of me(mixing is slighlty with beer) but im not feeling shit whitch is insanse compared to other people saying 30mg knocks them out or even less... i even get fucking energetic and crazy but no real buzz(buzz i feel on empty stomick where i get that slow-mo feeling for 5 to 10min max) rest is just chill and day or 2 latter i get aggressive, on example i almost got in fight with people in the buss who abuse poor ladies when they dont have ticket and they give them "fine"(not sure what the correct word is)... so here is end question i gues , since my tollarence is so huge (150mg of diazepam,no dubt-even mixed with beer) i know this leeds to addiction and even bigger tollarence , so would you guys suggest me any opiats ? main problem is boardom.... (i love speed but it drags me to alchohol and crazyness) whitch i wanna avoid , i want to have some type of drug that will keep me: normal ,not boared and most of all compatible with my girlfriend whitch doesn't even drink... im trying to find positives in my lifes atm whitch are only my gf (that has to little time for me) ,school (whitch i failed 2 grades at)..
thanks for understanding my poor english and please don't suggest weed for me becouse that got me into dealing and in the end geting busten with criminal record... im piss fucking poor so i cant afford evryday gram or 2 of weed without being a dealer ... in advace thanks for help and sorry if i made this confusing as shit but remember im under like 120mg diazepam and about 2 litter beers ( still got 3 10mgs tabs infront of me ) gn lads

 

[kleinerkiffer]

Could you please add a few more paragraphs? It's hard to read this wall of text.
I would suggest you stop abusing benzos, don't combine them with alcohol and start to tapper.
You are fucking up your GABA receptors big time and you seem to be extremely addicted.
For how long have you been taking benzos?
I think your at a point where stopping cold turkey will induce seizures and in the worst case could kill you. And benzos addiction/withdrawal can be hell on earth.
Please tapper down, look up the Ashton manual.
And no, I wouldn't recommend opioids, you seem to have a addictive personality and opioids can be really addictive. You don't want to end up shooting H, trust me.
Imo you should stop taking drugs as soon as you tapered down.
Hope I answered all of your questions.

 

[speedaddict]

is used benzos for 3 months now , but its on and off thing... like 1 week i would pop 50mg then 2 weeks latter 50 more... but even like that my tollerance built up real hard, and no addiction i can stop at any time since its not evryday thing but problem is it will become if i dont find something to kill my boardom :/ (this sounds truly pathetic even to me) like some 5 ye old boared child but its the fucking truth and i hope there is some people like me that could tell me theyr storries

 

[kleinerkiffer]

What about working out or learning something about pharmacology for example to kill the boredom?

 

[BkLounge]

Well dude if you wanna hear someone's story on abusing benzos and alcohol, listen to mine.

I was binging on Xanax than you are diazepam, but I was adding a lot more beers.

Ended up Totaling my car one night, nobody hurt and nothing damaged but my car and my criminal record. 2 counts of DUI.

Not saying this is your path at all, but benzo + alcohol addiction can lead to shit like this if you mix both often. Not to mention all the physical repercussions your body goes under.

 

[zirbeldude2]

Like kleinerkiffer already said...taper down and get yourself some hobbys.
Socialize with people. Keep yourself occupied.
And dont relie on your girlfriend or drugs to be happy.

And no...opioids/opiates are imho no option for you.

Plus you already said that you are poor.
Which in the long might lead to IV heroin to save money.
While not being any cheaper than weed.

 

[Speed King]

Alcohol and benzodiazepines, espically Xanax, then Valium is a no no no. Got to stop that shit in its tracts. What haven't you learned yet? Not to be a dick, but that is trouble.