Hey thanks 4 the compliments on my Bday blog folks. Just as I thought, Dave now wants 2 drive me next week, lol. Hey it's all good. He wanted to split
a teen this wk but I told him sorry spent too much $ on transportation this week, no can do.
I hate having 2 be a hard ass, but a couple friends I talked 2 sed they don't think I'm b n un-
reasonable, considering I AM paying (not askn him 2 do 4 free) plus the fact all he does is sit
on his ass all day/night anyway. I had 2 ask Sam 2 drive this week, I had no choice. I have to
pay Sam $20 more a week, but he's every bit the addict the rest of us are apparently. I no 4
sure to gambling, and a good chance to meth as well judging his behavior lately. Anyway,
it never fails, Rich called me 2 see how I'm doin, right, sed he cud drive if given ample notice, plus
he is "holdn onto something 4 me, it's really good." Sigh. I didn't do any shit yesterday or today,
at least not ACTUAL shit. I used the cottons from last night and did shot of them 2nite so I'm
not burdended like hell with chronic fucking fatigue. My plan was 2 wait out my work week, but
Rich wants me 2 call him 2maro AM when I'm off work, lol. It's all good, I mean I'm grateful 2 have
someone thats cool. I may end up buyn his gf's car next month. She has all the work receipts
ever done on car. Mom isn't wild about the idea, but Christ, I'm more comfortable getting from
them than a total stranger, plus I doubt the man gonna wanna piss off a client that is contributing
to his livlihood.
I joke with him that Rich is a good name 4 him, hell he HAS 2 b considern the amount of $ he's
made off me, but then again I no the grass always looks greener on the other side. Somehow, I've
found even people that don't use and sell never seem 2 have enough $. Come to think of it, only
one non using dealer comes 2 mind, Jennifer who didn't use, but had 4 fuckn kids and obviously
anyone with kids can tell u how fast $ disappears. It's nerve racking waiting and wondering if Sam
is gonna show up or be on time. With him, I have to start calling 5 min b4 he's supposed to be here
and 5 min after that til he shows up. I explained, dude u can't fuck up my livlihood. This AM when
I called the bank 2 find out the amnt of direct deposit 2 my account, my heart hit the floor when
they told me $38. My 1st thot was the student loan peeps got a hold of my wages as well as the
probation. Can more than one garnish wages at a time? I didn't/still don't know 4 sure, but
called off Sam in the AM, as he was 2 take me grocery shopping. Hell, Sam panicked almost
as much as I did coz obviously he knows if I'm gonna be workn 4 $38/wk from now on, then
I'll hav no choice BUT to kiss my job goodbye even tho I don't want 2. $38 doesn't even cover
the cost of gettn my sorry ass 2 work, fuck. Sam in his panick sed "please I'll charge $5 one time
only 2 take u home. I need gas!" When Sam heard I'd get paid next week, he promptly wanted
2 change the $5 back to $10. Hey whatever. Addicts in general are fun people, but the down side
is as a group are always fuckn broke (unless u happen 2 b amoung the lucky top 4% of the rich
people in the world) and generally unreliable and always late. Some of us are worse than others.
This last 6 months, I will say I haven't missed one day of work, at least not thur-sun. My tues
child was a pain n the ass, though I liked the family, but as Mom pointed out when I had a car,
I cut tues down to 2 a month so 2 wks out of the month I'd have a 3 day wkend.
It hardly seems like u have 2 days off tho when u get home from work early Mon morn, sleep,
then up all night (even clean cause I was used 2 workn nites) then hav 2 b at work tues at 2pm.
I'm very grateful for this job, but generally get frustrated with the crap of what NA called "life on
life's terms." In my case that means not having $ in savings (only a little when clean even) car
breakn, not having $ 2 get a new one and bein broke havn 2 pay 4 rides 2 work which is more
expensive then havn a car....or lookn 4 new work with more $ and bein forced 2 work days 4
x as hard at a job I hate just 2 survive. Life is HELL when u hate ur job. Mom is on my case
2 get job closer 2 home. I told her I don't want 2 work at job I hate, other than temporarily. Yet,
if I stay, I'm stuck, as she pointed out and although both choices suck, if forced 2 choose, I'd rather
be broke doin a job I like/love than not bein broke but stuck with a job I hate. Gota split. Later.
a teen this wk but I told him sorry spent too much $ on transportation this week, no can do.
I hate having 2 be a hard ass, but a couple friends I talked 2 sed they don't think I'm b n un-
reasonable, considering I AM paying (not askn him 2 do 4 free) plus the fact all he does is sit
on his ass all day/night anyway. I had 2 ask Sam 2 drive this week, I had no choice. I have to
pay Sam $20 more a week, but he's every bit the addict the rest of us are apparently. I no 4
sure to gambling, and a good chance to meth as well judging his behavior lately. Anyway,
it never fails, Rich called me 2 see how I'm doin, right, sed he cud drive if given ample notice, plus
he is "holdn onto something 4 me, it's really good." Sigh. I didn't do any shit yesterday or today,
at least not ACTUAL shit. I used the cottons from last night and did shot of them 2nite so I'm
not burdended like hell with chronic fucking fatigue. My plan was 2 wait out my work week, but
Rich wants me 2 call him 2maro AM when I'm off work, lol. It's all good, I mean I'm grateful 2 have
someone thats cool. I may end up buyn his gf's car next month. She has all the work receipts
ever done on car. Mom isn't wild about the idea, but Christ, I'm more comfortable getting from
them than a total stranger, plus I doubt the man gonna wanna piss off a client that is contributing
to his livlihood.
I joke with him that Rich is a good name 4 him, hell he HAS 2 b considern the amount of $ he's
made off me, but then again I no the grass always looks greener on the other side. Somehow, I've
found even people that don't use and sell never seem 2 have enough $. Come to think of it, only
one non using dealer comes 2 mind, Jennifer who didn't use, but had 4 fuckn kids and obviously
anyone with kids can tell u how fast $ disappears. It's nerve racking waiting and wondering if Sam
is gonna show up or be on time. With him, I have to start calling 5 min b4 he's supposed to be here
and 5 min after that til he shows up. I explained, dude u can't fuck up my livlihood. This AM when
I called the bank 2 find out the amnt of direct deposit 2 my account, my heart hit the floor when
they told me $38. My 1st thot was the student loan peeps got a hold of my wages as well as the
probation. Can more than one garnish wages at a time? I didn't/still don't know 4 sure, but
called off Sam in the AM, as he was 2 take me grocery shopping. Hell, Sam panicked almost
as much as I did coz obviously he knows if I'm gonna be workn 4 $38/wk from now on, then
I'll hav no choice BUT to kiss my job goodbye even tho I don't want 2. $38 doesn't even cover
the cost of gettn my sorry ass 2 work, fuck. Sam in his panick sed "please I'll charge $5 one time
only 2 take u home. I need gas!" When Sam heard I'd get paid next week, he promptly wanted
2 change the $5 back to $10. Hey whatever. Addicts in general are fun people, but the down side
is as a group are always fuckn broke (unless u happen 2 b amoung the lucky top 4% of the rich
people in the world) and generally unreliable and always late. Some of us are worse than others.
This last 6 months, I will say I haven't missed one day of work, at least not thur-sun. My tues
child was a pain n the ass, though I liked the family, but as Mom pointed out when I had a car,
I cut tues down to 2 a month so 2 wks out of the month I'd have a 3 day wkend.
It hardly seems like u have 2 days off tho when u get home from work early Mon morn, sleep,
then up all night (even clean cause I was used 2 workn nites) then hav 2 b at work tues at 2pm.
I'm very grateful for this job, but generally get frustrated with the crap of what NA called "life on
life's terms." In my case that means not having $ in savings (only a little when clean even) car
breakn, not having $ 2 get a new one and bein broke havn 2 pay 4 rides 2 work which is more
expensive then havn a car....or lookn 4 new work with more $ and bein forced 2 work days 4
x as hard at a job I hate just 2 survive. Life is HELL when u hate ur job. Mom is on my case
2 get job closer 2 home. I told her I don't want 2 work at job I hate, other than temporarily. Yet,
if I stay, I'm stuck, as she pointed out and although both choices suck, if forced 2 choose, I'd rather
be broke doin a job I like/love than not bein broke but stuck with a job I hate. Gota split. Later.