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Gay?

U

Unregistered 2107

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I'm 18

When I was 12 my voice broke, shortly after I found myself staring at a kid in my class. Turns out it was another boy.

I always convinced myself I was straight, and ended up dating a girl I didn't remotely like because I didn't want to feel different.

I started high school at 13. I had another moment of reflection when a dude in my class asked who the hottest girl was. I realised I wasn't even looking because I was busy staring at other dudes.

It stretched to my other classes. Some dudes I could barely sit next to because I was so attracted to them. I ended up suppressing my feelings so much I ended up being 'sexually numb' because I really had a huge crush on my best friend, it was so crazy I couldn't make eye contact, literally some of my hardest moments. I still haven't allowed myself to be attracted to anyone even to this day. I was 14

I'm not some poof. I'm a 6'4 athlete. I had a girlfriend last year. Her name was Susannah. I couldn't even let myself love her, but I knew I also wasn't attracted to her. I was 17.

I can't admit to myself my feelings, I'm still numb. I'm frustrated, I'm annoyed. I don't try suppress my feeling with drugs or alcohol, even though I do smoke green and drink quite a bit. Even recently I made it with a chick, she wanted to go upstairs but I knew I wouldn't be able to fuck her cause my dick won't go. Or it might've, I didn't want to try.

There's a girl that is absolutely amazing. So sweet, beautiful and the person I love. But I hate myself to death because she likes me, but I can't find her attractive. She is literally an angel so beautiful it's unbelievable. And yet I can't love her like I want to.

I've been with four different girls, and loved none of them.

I'm 18
 
It does sound as though you are gay. Don't beat yourself up about it. Have you had sex with a man at all or dated a man? If not, try having sex and dating men but go at your own pace and don't let anyone force you into doing anything you don't want to do and practise safer sex.

I have gay men as friends, and the ones who have had sex with women said how sex with women just taught them that they are not sexually attracted to women, or any woman at all.
 
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If you are gay, wait until college before you come out. High-school students are usually violently homophobic and will not take it well.

Are you in high school? For a whle in highschool, I thought I was gay, but since I was not attracted to dudes and did not like gay porno, I decided that wasn't the case.

When I was in high-school, I found all of the girls to be repugnant. I wouldn't have been physically able to have sex with them even if I had wanted it.They were mean, fat, and had poofy bangs. They grew up in working and middle class homes and expressed only working and middle class values and interests. So did I, but I read books and knew rthere was more to life than what they had to offer. It was a farm town. I went to my 5 year highschool reunion and was horrified to see that they were awarding prizes to the girls who had the most babies by that time.

College was a different story. Many of the girls were cultured and were attractive to me, and I had an enjoyable sex life.
 
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If you have feelings for the same sex, that's how you are. The sooner you are able to embrace it and say I am attracted to men and there's nothing wrong with that the sooner you will feel better.
 
yeah you sound pretty gay indeed

stop lying and just see what its like with a man.

you're only wasting your limited time and everyone elses trying to fit yourself into a mould
 
What's stopping you? You mentioned you just want to be normal... where do you live? Gay is pretty normal nowadays.
 
don't worry mate just give it time before you come out and tell people as in that stage of your life your hormones and testosterone levels are all over the place...good luck and if you want to chat just pm me, all the best
 
I'm the same and while my experience was different, I have had the same realization. I'm gay too, and I've realized relatively recently. I'm not bi (though maybe I am).... but I'm pretty sure I'm just simply gay but have suppressed it due to the judgmental people that I've been associated with due to birth. It really does kind of suck realizing it though.
 
LandsUnknown said:
It really does kind of suck realizing it though.
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because of how you will be perceived by asshole types of people? society has conditioned people to feel shit about themselves. you need to be strong against that shit. look what adverts do to womens self image perception...
 
Just come out, find a cute boyfriend and start posting pics on Facebook. People eat that shit up, trust me. Especially girls haha.
 
LandsUnknown said:
I'm the same and while my experience was different, I have had the same realization. I'm gay too, and I've realized relatively recently. I'm not bi (though maybe I am).... but I'm pretty sure I'm just simply gay but have suppressed it due to the judgmental people that I've been associated with due to birth. It really does kind of suck realizing it though.
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It shouldn't suck at all. It's natural and it's who you are. Don't give the haters a second thought just be who you are and enjoy yourself. I honestly believe that the majority of these people 'judging' do so out of programming/peer pressure and probably don't care either way - It's easier for them to 'hate' gays than accept they simply couldn't care less about what you do.
 
Dude, if your into dudes then own it. That being said, I know it can be tough to come to terms with it, particularly depending on the setting you live in. Nevertheless, you should not feel a need to suppress your feelings at all. I am straight, but a lot of the time, I wish I were gay. Don't feel guilty about your sexuality for one fucking minute. Where ever you are, there are definitely tons of gay dudes.

I am American, but I live in the most religiously conservative country in the world, and even here there is a huge gay community. In the insanely conservative country I live in, we have a thriving community of trans gender Filipino men. My point being that homo sexuality is super common everywhere, even if it seems like it isn't.

You may not feel comfortable coming out to your friends yet, but I know if any of my friends told me they were gay, it would not change a fucking thing about our friendship in my eyes.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
What's stopping you? You mentioned you just want to be normal... where do you live? Gay is pretty normal nowadays.
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The fact you had to ask where he lived in regards to homosexuality just proves alot mostly America (If your from here sorry) Just dont go to the South... Rural ppl dont really buy that. But I agreee with the first to posters, first of all its not gonna change your height appearance or the way you act is it? I do agree with 2 though wait till college highschools just king of the hill and kick everyone below your "Status".
Goodluck hope you find what your looking for on your. Journey? idk :)


BTW Any Southerners here just a joke :)
Dude aboves right though OWN THAT SHIT.
 
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Bearlove said:
It shouldn't suck at all. It's natural and it's who you are. Don't give the haters a second thought just be who you are and enjoy yourself. I honestly believe that the majority of these people 'judging' do so out of programming/peer pressure and probably don't care either way - It's easier for them to 'hate' gays than accept they simply couldn't care less about what you do.
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True Hate isnt always logical.. Asked my buddy the other week why he was "Racist" (Slurs ya know). He gave me the dumbest look and shrug "Iono I just am". So anyone who hates f**k it. Be you
 
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