It's brutal hope you find a way
Wish there was an answer the way you described that is like what I feel like, it's so so tiring and just unbearable. If you do find a way please share with me haha. But honestly I'm sorry you're feeling like this it's honestly horrible.
At this point I'll probably be better off on benzos because honestly feel like nothing works and I'm miserable (solely anxiety wise from before a recent death - got a lot going on but how to get out of it with debilitating anxiety!? I've been this way since the last tragic event before that which led me down a dark path in life e.g. toxic relationship cause vulnerable/insecure). I wonder if I had had benzos if things might have been a little different, but you never know could have had to face dreaded withdrawals which I hear are worse than alcohol, I dread to think.
Mirt made me gain loads of weight, tried numerous ad's in past and I already meditate - although practicing can be difficult when depressed. My doctors stopped my short course of diazepam which is devastating cause it's literally the only thing I've found that truly helps to even have a look in on functioning in life, "normal" people just don't understand. I wanna go back to college and it's this shit thats holding me back. Fuck even leaving the house is a challenge and I mean that it's a battle everyday and I do it everyday even when I don't need to just to see if it will help and so far no bueno it's torture.
Whilst I understand the logic of not wanting to be on diazepam long term and the reasoning for doctors not to want to resort to prescribing them I feel like in some cases they should. Time is moving on and I want a fucking life after all the bullshit that's happened I need a break! I don't want to go back the way because it's too much and start drinking again for some relief I want to get better. I would rather my doctor supervised my medication cause if I source them myself I know i'll not be able to be responsible. Got sky high blood pressure and low folic acid, eating/drinking healthy as anything, trying my best here and they just want to throw more ad's my way. I'm scared of becoming suicidal again too fuck that, plus I've read on here they have a very small chance of success.
Sorry for the rant. I'm good at that. This is a bad day.
I really feel for you, especially when others notice it's very difficult and can make you feel worse and can impact your life in a big way. Stress is also the biggest killer I hear? I don't understand why so stingy with the benzos in unique circumstances, it's shit.
The only constructive thing I have is meditation in morning sometimes helps and CBD but it's definitely not adequate for me personally unless I'm not doing something right. CBT is meant to be helpful, Oh yeah propranolol can ease physical symptoms but be careful if you're asthmatic. Best wishes
