Fuck Heroin. Plz help anyone from the east coast

[WaltHeisenberg]

I'm in NY and I have no friends and my life is completely fucked thanks to H. I'm 24, been using since 18- lost all my friends, my job, my relationship with my parents. I try so hard to get off but end up relapsing within a day into w/d. I tried rehab many times, always left, sometimes stayed, but still relapsed within hours of being released. It's sure fucking depressing to get up, and not do anything every fucking day, and repeat and repeat. I've been trying so hard to get a job but it's like I'm cursed. Everyday night I go to sleep just wishing I wouldn't wake up and have to deal with this fuckig life no more suicide crosses my mind pretty much 24/7. I have fucking nothing to live for

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Walt and welcome to Bluelight

Yeah. a good buddy of mine used to look over at me and shake his head and mutter "worst thing in the world." He was talking about opiate addiction. You can do this and here are some medications that will help significantly. I would try these and try to kick outright before I would try any maintenance medications. Im sure you know that the maintenance medications come with long half lives and long acute withdrawal.

medications for acute opiate detox

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<
OR >phenibut<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol

(Opi Withdrawal) what is the best comfort meds for opiate w/d?

Your Personal Opiate Withdrawal Arsenal


Also post two in this thread is information on maintenance medications and a doctor finder for subutex if you decide to go this route.

Varied Approaches to Addiction Recovery


Drug addiction often leads to the social problems with loosing friends and family. Many times these relationships return after we are able to get clean or on maintenance and the people that love us see this. We also often times need to do things to establish the relationships. But I wouldn't worry about that right now. The number one thing is to get and stay clean or get stabilized on a maintenance program. Then it is really important to put your recovery first.. if we do this then all the rest falls in to place with a little work.

Here is some good information on addiction and what you will need to develop a plan to confront. You can do this.. cause if i can do it anyone can

 

[WaltHeisenberg]

Thanks so much for the detailed post. I've been through it all- ultra rapid detox, percipitated wd, sub maint. , done maint. I have clonidine and neurontin, benzos and subs to help with the WD. But it seems like NOTHING works. The Xanax helps A LOT as I have always had very bad anxiety. The subs may help for a mere 30minutes, if I'm lucky. I IV 10 bags in each shot, 3 times a day. I guess my use is so high that these meds fail to work. My last time in detox I was there for 7 days and I was still feeling like complete shit when I was released- I can't afford a good place! I so wish I never got involved with this opiate shit. I honestly can't see myself ever getting off. It just seems impossible. I fucking suck at life if I had a gun I would use it in a heartbeat

 

[neversickanymore]

One of the biggest positives I have gotten from getting clean and staying clean from the drugs that I was addicted to is a huge drop in anxiety. If you want to share a little about your anxiety I can see if some of the things I identified that have helped me conquer my anxiety may help you. I was a junkie for over a decade and was on xanax for almost two. We as people with addictive personalities often have very common roots to our unhappiness even though it may seem so complex.

Here is a thread that has a lot of good positives people have found in getting off the drugs that cause them so much anguish.. I pretty sure I remeber afew people listing allot less anxiety..

Good things about being off drugs/getting sober

 

[herbavore]

We as people with addictive personalities often have very common roots to our unhappiness even though it may seem so complex.

Welcome, Walt. I think that neversickanymore has hit on a really key point that could help you past that point of relapse that has given you such a fatal outlook. You have to get at the root of your addiction. Getting off drugs is like cutting an unwanted plant down at the surface. If the roots are still there, it comes back. Not only that but it usually comes back even stronger. Don't beat yourself up for "failing" to stay clean after each attempt. That just shows you that nothing so far has addressed the underlying pain. Unfortunately the pain has been compounding over the years of addiction. Now you have all the shame and misery that the addiction itself caused making your view of yourself and your capabilities that much worse ("I suck at life"). You don't suck at life. You just need a way to regain some hope.

I hope that the Bluelight community can be a place where you can find your feet again. You are still young and you can do this. Remember Edison's quote about inventing the lightbulb? "I haven't failed. I have just found 1000 ways that don't work."

Much love to you.

 

[WaltHeisenberg]

One of the biggest positives I have gotten from getting clean and staying clean from the drugs that I was addicted to is a huge drop in anxiety. If you want to share a little about your anxiety I can see if some of the things I identified that have helped me conquer my anxiety may help you. I was a junkie for over a decade and was on xanax for almost two. We as people with addictive personalities often have very common roots to our unhappiness even though it may seem so complex.

Here is a thread that has a lot of good positives people have found in getting off the drugs that cause them so much anguish.. I pretty sure I remeber afew people listing allot less anxiety..

Good things about being off drugs/getting sober

Thanks for both replies. Here's a bit about my anxiety- I was diagnosed with anxiety when I wasn't yet addicted to opiates. I got Xanax off the street and it worked wonders, but no doctor wanted to prescribe it. Instead they have me a bunch of crap that didn't work (Neutontin, Zoloft, I can't remember all). I feel like they didn't take it serious at all. I wouldn't go to sleep many nights, about half the week, because I would be just so drained In thoughts. Nights that I did sleep would take me HOURS of trying and trying. Even when let's say I'm on the train , I would just think something crazy is gonna happen, or feel like the room is staring at me- it's so weird. Then the opiates I started using were amazing - totally kills the anxiety and I'm able to sleep at night! I use H right before going to bed, and it use to hold me over the whole night, it still does most days. But atleast a few times a week I still wake up 3-4 am and I start getting sweaty , hot flashes because the anxiety kicks in as my head starts to roll again until my next dose of H. It really sux. I really think if I had a script for Xanax and weed I would be fine. But I don't. I'm not trying to take the Xanax I have everyday cuz I don't want another addiction and most importantly I don't want to run out when I have to face withdrawals (H).

I hope that makes sense. And I think I know the underlying cause for my pain. But that happened years ago- Since then I have sooo many fucked up problems that I don't know where the fuck to begin.

 

[WaltHeisenberg]

Welcome, Walt. I think that neversickanymore has hit on a really key point that could help you past that point of relapse that has given you such a fatal outlook. You have to get at the root of your addiction. Getting off drugs is like cutting an unwanted plant down at the surface. If the roots are still there, it comes back. Not only that but it usually comes back even stronger. Don't beat yourself up for "failing" to stay clean after each attempt. That just shows you that nothing so far has addressed the underlying pain. Unfortunately the pain has been compounding over the years of addiction. Now you have all the shame and misery that the addiction itself caused making your view of yourself and your capabilities that much worse ("I suck at life"). You don't suck at life. You just need a way to regain some hope.

I hope that the Bluelight community can be a place where you can find your feet again. You are still young and you can do this. Remember Edison's quote about inventing the lightbulb? "I haven't failed. I have just found 1000 ways that don't work."

Much love to you.

I guess me and Thomas Edison have something in common if he wasn't talking about light bulbs
I appreciate the advice I'm going to check out that thread that ^^ posted

 

[neversickanymore]

Totally makes sense to me.. as far as the room staring at you are you referring to situations where there are people present... so social anxiety?

EDIT: another good one is everyone "fails" until they succeed..