Friends with benefits?

[robotkittens]

How has this sort of friendship worked for you? Well? Terribly? Did things end on a positive note or a negative one? Just tell me your experiences with this. I'm curious because I'm in one right now (have been for roughly two weeks) and I'm interested in knowing other people's end results... and just the entire relationship in general, from beginning to middle to end.

 

[Cycik]

Ha, funny I come across this thread. Had my first bad FWB, I still can't figure out why but I have feelings for this chick who is the opposite of what I like in girls ie no class, drunken useless root. Ended in oh your moving soon, lets be friends. Before this she was all over me like crazy, zzzz. Why do I have feelings for her? Its really pissing me off as there's no logical reason apart from its a rebound from a real bad relationship a year ago, fuck I don't know, fuck emotions useless things just get you hurt.

Anyway, FWB can be perfect and fine then one second it ends in one of the couple catching feelings and gets messy usually from there. The best way to have FWB is really just sex, that's all. No txting or talking unless for sex, works better that way every time.

 

[HCandKROD]

IMHO it can't withstand the test of time. If you are looking for a couple weeks it's fine but don't expect to go back to being just friends again. I was in one in the mid 80's and she had feelings for me and I hurt her.Then in the early 90's the tables were turned and I got hurt by another woman.Good luck

 

[T. Calderone]

It's easier said than done what what I've seen. Call it friends with benefits, casual sex, no strings attached or booty call whatever.As long as you don't have an expectation that it will lead into something bigger and the other party agrees. Sometimes it's unavoidable that one person will develop feelings. Just be careful not get hurt.

 

[MyFinalRest]

I'd personally find it difficult. I've always been the type of person who doesn't want to have sex with someone unless there is some sort of commitment. Be careful if you think your mind can do it without commiting...it's still a physical commitment and you need to be there for someone if they get pregnant and having multiple partners greatly increases the risk of std's.

 

[DeathDomokun]

Rangrz to isle #7, I repeat Rangrz to isle #7.

 

[Beachcat]

I have had great success with a FWB. We met freshman year at college. We became great friends. We would hang out, fuck, hang out. Neither of us were interested in a romantic relationship. We both had other relationships. We would still hang out, just no sex. When we were free,we resumed. We are still good friends almost 15 years later.

I think the keys were these:
1. I truly enjoyed his company. I would have been friends with him whether or not we had sex
2. I wanted the best for him and him for me. We had no jealousy, we truly wanted the other to find a good partner
3.we had a strong physical attraction
4. I trusted him and vice versa. If either one of us ever felt more, we would have talked about it and gone from there. It was an authentic relationship

This is different IMO than having sex with an acquaintance and keeping on doing it because it is fun.

 

[rangrz]

Rangrz to isle #7, I repeat Rangrz to isle #7.

Someone paged?

k, I have several FWBs, and it's awesome. They are real friends, like we hang out, for food, talk science, etc together. we.also have lots of (kinky) sex, often involving more than two people at once.

No drama or butthurt occurs. My advice on that front is to chill out and remove sex from being a "special" act and view it as just one of many ways of social interaction.

 

[Foreigner]

In the gay world, FWB seems to be the standard. Basically if you are both attractive then it's bound to happen at some point.

Mileage may vary. Sometimes feelings develop but if it's not mutual it can be awkward. I find having one solid sexual partner is better than having many. Having many feels detrimental somehow.

I do believe sex bonds people closer together whether they want it to or not, which is why it can also be difficult if one of you meets an actual partner and the arrangement has to end. There can be jealousy, resentment, and a sense of loss, even though you were never officially your fuck buddy's partner.

As long as boundaries are defined and the nature of your arrangement is clear, it's usually fine.

 

[Apostacious]

I've been in a few FWB relationships before, and found them all to be very unsatisfying. I guess that I don't get much of a thrill out of sex unless I love the person, since I tend to get most excited when I can bring my partner to climax. I have been with both men and women, and neither situation was anymore satisfying than the other. Yet, at the moment, I am in a 3+year long monogamous relationship with a woman, and have been having the best sex of my life, consistently for the 3+years. Clearly, what thrills one person doesn't always thrill everyone else.

 

[DeathDomokun]

All in all, sex is cool if you're cool.

 

[rangrz]

All in all, sex is cool if you're cool.

QFT. If you're having sex with someone cool, it's going to awesome.

 

[Lysis]

I actually got to talk IRL with a married guy who spiced up his marriage by taking in a lesbian girl. They both have sex with her and they are both free to have sex with her if one is away and whatnot. Before this, they were very unhappy sexually. Incidentally, what I found interesting is that he says both he and his wife have feelings for this girl.

Funny, I thought of rangrz when I talked to him. lol

 

[lady grey]

It absolutely depends on the person! The person you are the person they are. If you can sleep with someone and honestly 100% truthfully leave it at sex and they can too then you are A-OK. If not i wouldn't even think about doing it cos the friendship is never going to be the same.

 

[robotkittens]

Alright, thanks for the replies! There seems to be some pretty mixed opinions. :x I have a few more inquiries though... were there ever terms in these FWB relationship you guys have had? Like, I guess rules would be a better term... for instance, in this sexual friendship, me and the guy in question only have sex with one another. And he becomes upset if he ever finds out that say, I go to a party and guys flirt with me. I would guess this is usually not standard FWB behavior? Furthermore, he kisses me a lot... and I don't mean just in bed. ;p If we're just hanging out, he'll kiss me. And we cuddle often. And we just seem to be very close and intimate all around; sleep in the same bed, spend time with each other regularly, etc, etc. Has anyone else been in a FWB thing like this? Me and him have been best friends for a very long time, nearly two years, but it hasn't been until my recent break up that we've acted this way. Sometimes I have to wonder if he's developed feelings, given the fact that I thought FWB was generally supposed to be a emotionless fuckfest (sorry for word choice, heh).

 

[Lysis]

FWBs isnt' fair if you only see each other. That's a monogamous relationship and not a FWB thing. I've seen some people post that their FWB is the only one that they have unprotected sex with and the deal is the rest of the time they use condoms. I don't think I trust anyone that much.

I think most of the time, one person will develop feelings. FWB would not be for me unless it was with someone I've already had a failed relationship with. Odd of me, I know, but I could be able to do FWB if I knew someone, it didn't work out, but we had great sex and the relationship part is a no-go. The sex would therefore be with someone I trusted.

I turned down a FWB a couple years ago, because I wasn't over someone. I wish to god I had a second (third lol) chance, but he's moved on.

 

[llama112]

Alright, thanks for the replies! There seems to be some pretty mixed opinions. :x I have a few more inquiries though... were there ever terms in these FWB relationship you guys have had? Like, I guess rules would be a better term... for instance, in this sexual friendship, me and the guy in question only have sex with one another. And he becomes upset if he ever finds out that say, I go to a party and guys flirt with me. I would guess this is usually not standard FWB behavior? Furthermore, he kisses me a lot... and I don't mean just in bed. ;p If we're just hanging out, he'll kiss me. And we cuddle often. And we just seem to be very close and intimate all around; sleep in the same bed, spend time with each other regularly, etc, etc. Has anyone else been in a FWB thing like this? Me and him have been best friends for a very long time, nearly two years, but it hasn't been until my recent break up that we've acted this way. Sometimes I have to wonder if he's developed feelings, given the fact that I thought FWB was generally supposed to be a emotionless fuckfest (sorry for word choice, heh).

It does seem like he is developing feelings for you.
You only have sex with one another, you kiss each other, you hang out often. Seems like it is more than FWB.

My boyfriend and I were FWB for a while. It turned into a real relationship.

 

[rangrz]

Funny, I thought of rangrz when I talked to him. lol

I lol'd...is my reputation THAT tied to me being a nympho? (I hope people at least remember I'm also a tweaker, a physicist, and a government thug!)

I guess rules would be a better term.

I try to avoid making my interpersonal relationships into a static, formal system. I mean static formal systems are awesome...like if you're doing differential geometry on a higher dimensional manifold,(Let a real smooth manifold M have an inner product Gp on each tangent space such that for the vector fields X and Y on M then P-->Gp(X(p),Y(p)) being a smooth function is true) or writing a computer program (IF X=Y THEN end ELSEIF GOTO #input_function) ENDIF), but not so awesome for pursuits of this nature. (Let a person P who I sleep with be divergent from a friend F so that P's lips do not tend towards mine and such that a space S which is homeomorphic to a vagina admits no object attached to a friend F's pelvis which can be described as a distorted cylinder)..seems a tad abstruse to me, and I really like that sort of thing normally.

Has anyone else been in a FWB thing like this?

Yes, it's fucking awesome, I am hanging out with Sophie right now, and we're fucking around online, petting, talking about the physical principles (namely quantum tunnelling as implied by Heisenberg Uncertainty) behind tunnelling diodes as they are highly radiation resistant and thus suited to the environment found in space, ergo, useful in the types of things she engineers. Then later, we're gonna do a fetish scene. It's a lot of fun, and feels very natural imo.

Sometimes I have to wonder if he's developed feelings, given the fact that I thought FWB was generally supposed to be a emotionless fuckfest

I dunno I'm pretty attached to this girl, she's my god damned FRIEND. Ditto for the others, I'd be fucking crushed if she got incinerated at work or something...is that abnormal? Why did you think what you think? If it's cause that's what everyone else says, I remind you that appeals to popularity is a bone fide logical fallacy.

turned down a FWB a couple years ago, because I wasn't over someone. I wish to god I had a second (third lol) chance, but he's moved on.

I prefer to regret the things I've done than those I have not done.

My boyfriend and I were FWB for a while. It turned into a real relationship.

The word relationship implies that two things, are um, somehow related or functions of each other. A friend is special case of relationship, as is a romantic lover, as is a brother, as is the runtime of a computer program vs the input data size... (Which is a function describing time-complexity, still a type of relationship, in the conventional meaning of the word) I never understood how that word got usurped to mean only "monogamous romantic relationship" even though it's common usage to also say "My relationship with my mom is not very good"...which is still in context of interpersonal relationships. Or are these relationships not real ones... are they thus sqrt-1?

 

[done juan]

yeah a good setup. have had 1 girl pretend she was pregnant and act like a general cunt. but apart from that its all good.

 

[LilbabiC]

I have had two FWB relationships. The first one was great but, then he moved away. The second one not so great. I developed feelings for him and was so jealous and heart broken when he began dating someone. I ended our FWB relationship because I couldn't stand hurting myself any more. I knew he'd never have feelings for me. If you and the other person can do it without catching feelings then hey great but, if not it could get real ugly. Luckily for me I have enough common sense to walk away when it's time.