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friend with drug problem

L

lilfire

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2010
Messages
19
Location
sacramento, ca
i have a friend who can't get off benzos. she pretends to be clean but i know she is not. it leads to bad places with her. she will be ok for a month or two or three but sooner or later it leads to other drugs and she deteriorates. it's a cycle that i've watched too many times. does anyone else have a similar experience? i'm not sure how to "handle it." i don't think i should have to pretend she's made progress but then i don't want to kick her while she's down and say "your problem's just waiting to explode again!" i love her but she has a denial timer that resets, while the people around her remember.
 
i've been in and out of recovery myself. so over the years i've seen alot of people struggle with addiction. many of whom, i've cared for dearly. as hard as it is, you've just got to realize that you can only help so much. you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

there's not alot you can do except assure them that you're there and that you support them.
i've found that trying to convince someone they have a problem just doesn't help. the way i always viewed it... i didn't have a problem. everyone around me had the problem. i was in denial, just like your friend.

stick by her side, but don't let her struggles bring you down.
keep your head up.
 
Hey lilfire, sorry to hear about your friend. I know how heartbreaking it is to watch a friend use drugs and be so in denial about it, while the people around them who love them just have to watch them make things worse by continuing to use.

Is she getting any professional help?? If not, perhaps you could recommend this to her. She can start by going to her regular doctor and taking it from there.

Does her family know?
 
I wouldn't tell her family without telling her, asking her why she hides it from them, and knowing how the family will react. people have told my family about my drug problem and it has made things worse.

she'll ask for help when she wants. let her know that help is there if she wants it.
 
I know your feeling.. I've actually started feelings for the first time in a long time and I've been thinking about a lot of my friends "still out there" and it brings tears to my eyes. The sad fact is they have to find their own way, there is only so much you can do.

You could do something random like write her a letter explaining how its making you and her other friends and family feel and something might sink in, you never know.

Hope it all works out OK for you mate!
 
thanks for the responses. she's actually my cousin, and our family knows. she's had substance abuse/mental health problems since she was a teenager. she was making progress a few years ago but the ups and downs become a way of life seems like. she has a lot of resources, good family, friends, therapy. it only helps so much. maybe she'd be dead without it. i relate to her problems but she is and always has been real extreme. it's sad because we've grown close the last years, i don't want her to start waving me off like she does with the rest of our family. i wish she could be in our shoes for a day, seeing it from the outside. sucks to be helpless.
 
It sounds like the best thing you can do for her is just be there for her, like you have been. People can't keep going on like this with addiction forever, something usually gives, and when it does she will be really glad to have you as a friend <3
 
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