friend has brain cancer

[homeydontplaythat]

i am having a very hard time right now. i took my friend to the ER for headaches and he has a huge tumor in his parietal lobe. i didnt sleep for 2 days staying with him in the hospital. i traveled 2 hrs to manhattan to have his CT analyzed by the best neuro oncologists in the nation and they told me it is malignant, there are actually 2 tumors and the swelling is so severe that if he doesnt have surgery by monday he will suffer gross impairment ie brain damage.

the worst part is that no one will listen to me. my own father and girlfriend are upset with me. they feel i am playing the role of dr when all i wanted was to help my friend and he is in denial as well. the hospital hasnt even done a biopsy or pet scan yet. i was told he has 6-12 months max to live.

throughout this my girlfriend tried contacting me several times. the woman i was with kept hanging up on her and didnt even tell me. so now my own girlfriend wont talk to me. this is so fucked up. this is what i get for trying to help a friend? everyone is so angry when i am the one that brought him to the fucking hospital in the first place. i dont feel like he is getting the care he needs. they are not moving fast enough and time is critical right now.

i have told him and my father(a dr who is communicating with chris) that he has a massive malignant tumor. he is so stubborn he wont even listen despite NOT having even seen the CT or MRI. therefore i am removing myself from this. i am done. i did the best i could and i may have lost my girlfriend as a result. its not worth it. if no one will even listen there is no point.

now im just focusing on my girlfriend. she is so upset and yet i have done nothing wrong. the situation is just so serious and so much bigger than any of us and she is concentrating on petty shit like how im with another woman(this is some old hag and she is jealous of her, what the fuck does that say as far as her trust in me?)

does anyone have any advice? im really depressed right now and if i had some heroin i would shoot it in an instant. i need my girlfriends love and support right now and she is ignoring me. this is horrible.

 

[Z Y G G Y]

All I can say is that things will get better soon. It might seem like they won't but right now is probably the hardest time and as time goes on things will start improving. It always happens like this. We think that everything is hopeless and then suddenly things start improving.

All you can really do is keep trying to contact your gf. Keep explaining to her what is going on. Write her an email, text her, leave her voicemails. Anything to let her know what is going on. Then give her time to think about all this stuff. She will eventually figure it out and come to her senses. She might just be confused right now about what is going on. IF you guys are meant to be together, things will eventually go back to normal. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but they will.

As far as dealing with your friend I really don't know. It's your call whether you want to support him or not. If your help is ruining your life and is not really improving his, then maybe removing yourself or taking it easy is the best thing. Maybe you shouldn't totally cut yourself off but limit your contact instead. Concentrate on your own life. You seem to have done enough. You took to the dr. Your tried telling him what is going on. You did a lot more than anyone would have done in this situation. There doesn't seem like there is much you can do right now. So just focus on your won life so that you don't lose the people you care about.

I wish you luck. Things will get better. Trust me. They always do eventually.

 

[badandwicked]

You sound like you've been mad busy, your head must be all over the place. Take some time, maybe 24 hours for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, do something relaxing like take a long bath. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you by his side.

Your family & girlfriend are probably just worried that you are too involved, and in a way they have a point, at times like this you can be more effective help if you take a small step back.

With everything thats been going on, communication between you & your GF has probably suffered. After you've rested talk to her, let her know how sad you are and how much you need her. You must be feeling pretty let down, but if you're a 'coper', a strong backbone, people sometimes don't realise what's going on inside.

If your dad is an MD he'll have seen similar situations before, and when you've taken a bit of time out to gather your thoughts you may realise that he's talking sense about some things, and has valuable advice to offer. He knows what he's talking about.

It's an emotional time for everyone, no one knows whether they're coming or going. Much less your friend. Don't be frustrated with him, or judge him, I'm sure when you've rested and calmed down you can figure out a way you can still be there for him. He needs to handle this however he needs to, even though it may be hard to watch.

Good for you for doing what so many are scared to do - getting involved. At least when he dies you'll have no regrets.

 

[QuasiStoned]

Wow I don't have any advice but that's terrible, I feel for you and your friend. That shit is terrible, I wonder why things like cancer have to exist in this world

 

[cj]

Hey man you sound like a stand up guy fuck everybody else do what you feel is the right thing to do. For me I dont know bout u but my close male friends are like brothers to me if this happened I would be fucking devastated so it is ok that you feel like shit is spiraling it will inevitably drop you somewhere when you get there brush yourself off count your blessings and move on. all things in good time my friend

 

[homeydontplaythat]

i am so full of anger. i dont even care about chris anymore. he doesnt give a fucking shit and i lost my girlfriend over this shit. im so upset. i am angry at everyone. i cant eat, i force myself to sleep. i hate my life.

 

[cj]

dude fuck that girl if she left you over this you are better off without her ass anyway. just chill homey everything will work itself out

 

[b4rd]

I am really sorry about your friend.

I think the only thing to is to be there for your friend as much as you can, and spend quality time with him/her.

Horrible news =( I am very sorry.

 

[homeydontplaythat]

there is just more and more bullshit forming from this and his health is not even being addressed. i am removing myself from the situation. i need my girlfriend back. i dont care about anyone else. she wont respond to my emails or my voice messages and her phone is going straight to voicemail. i have no faith in anyone right now. all the people that supposedly love me have turned against me. im finding support in absolute strangers. this is so wrong.

 

[Jabberwocky]

homeydontplaythat, you know what is really fucked up? this probably won't even be the hardest point in your life. a little secret, expecting life to be hard makes it easier, feeling that life is supposed to be easy often makes it harder.

i think i might know where you are at. i've done what i thought was noble and right only to have everything go to shit. it was all the more intolerable because i had a conception that doing my best by my conscience and conception of good would result in some karmic consolations from the universe or the flow of positive energy would bring some relief. life doesn't work like that, i've found out. my expectations of understanding from others and some relief from having done good actually created more burden and distress.

you have identified what your highest priority here is. good luck on getting things right with your girl. this is a lesson about what she will tolerate and support. if you get back with her and it works out i wouldn't expect any support from her in the future regarding your setting out on a what you consider to be a worthy mission for another person in need. she could become more tolerant and apt to consider your need to help, but i wouldn't count on it.

really hope everything gets much better for you soon.

 

[homeydontplaythat]

right now she is still angry at me and insists i should apologize to people. i told her to just leave me alone. i cant believe how this is being turned into a power struggle of one side versus the other. no one is even seeing the bigger picture. it makes me sick and i dont want anything to do with it anymore. i dont think she is strong enough to deal with this shit. she is too drawn to gossip and jealousy.

 

[Georgie25]

she don't sound good for you dude. if turning your back on the person your in a relationship in when they are feeling real down is love then i, for one, dont want no part of it. i'm sure you could find someone way better than her anyway.