bit of background: I have pretty mild social anxiety day to day but nothing I can't just force myself to deal with, never encountered a full on panic attackor anything before, never any issues with MD either, had some slight issues with other stims, anxiety on just coke, voices/shadows/paranoia ect after some bad methedrone binges and some weird weekends on meth...safe to say stims don't agree with me, hell even a large cup of coffee gives me a noticeable jittery kick. I always thought of MD as somewhat of an exception though, I hope I haven't ruined it for good after a bad binge :/
Iv'e taken MD around 5 times in my life at normal doses 200-300mg and had never really given safety much thought before, I had always just naively assumed it was a safe drug, tbh I didn't even really think of it as a stim and based on how I had seen friends use it, and how they react. They all get pretty spangled after a long 2 day session, but just end up doing/saying stupid shit that everyone laughs at afterwords.
However the other night I made some new friends and ended up taking 350 mg of mdma in 2 doses over about 5 hours, going back with them and taking another 3g split between 6 of us over another 4 hours. The last bomb I took didn't do anything but make me slightly edgy (not so bad I was just a bit quiet, eye contact was awkward) I guessed it was time to comedown and it was suggested I have a joint to mellow me out for sleep.
However that couldn't have been more wrong. (I don't smoke weed often, and when I do it tends to have a 50/50 chance of making me anxious vs mellow, I guess different strains maybe?)
As soon as I took it I started getting more and more anxious, as this was my first time with this combo I was prepared for something like this to happen, however not to this extent, nor the physical side of things.... it crept up on me then all of a sudden I just couldn't bring myself to speak, and wanted to just hide from the world, but at the same time didn't want to leave the room for fear of something happening while I was gone... and I kept zoning in and out of reality. (I wonder if I had kept myself busy, talking during this period, instead of withdrawing and over thinking everything it wouldn't have hit me so hard?)
My entire face and neck was tense, my eyes wide open and I couldn't close them for very long(not the pupils but as if I was surprised or something, like big round cartoon eyes all stretched and my eye lids fully retracted ) and I couldn't relax or focus on anything for more than 10 seconds. my eyes were dotting around the room constantly and randomly making eye contact with people which just freaked me out even more when I saw the way they were looking at me. this ended up sketching everyone else out too! apparently I looked like a crazed psychopath backed into a corner, ready to pounce any second! In my head It felt like this too but I don't know why, I knew half the people there really well and the others were part of their social group.. all chilled out and relaxed but it just felt like I couldn't do or say anything without over thinking it.
This is where I noticed the divide between me and everyone else, we were all equally fucked but they would just blurt out random things or do random things and not even car/realise it, where I couldn't...anxiety just had me frozen :/
This only got worse and ended up lasting for about 3/4 hours till we all left, looking back I wonder if removing myself from everything for an hour or so would have sorted me out, and stop it snowballing so much...
Iv'e slept since then and do feel better, but not quite myself yet, in fact iv'e been feeling less anxious about things since then, little things where I would usually tip toe around to avoid confrontation I just don't care for the outcome and speak my mind without going over a dozen scenarios in my head.
Iv'e since done some research (too little too late, I know) and realise I should have taken a lot less MD, but still is this a normal reaction to have? I mean when I try to think back on it I can hardly remember anything, it felt like an hour tops to me...but the bits I do remember I never want to experience again... it was such a crippling anxiety, and I acted in such a weird way that I don't even think I can face seeing those people again :/
Like I said most of the other people there also went a little bit loopy but not appearing scary/threatening like I did more just odd... like crawling around the floor, not knowing where they were, saying gibberish ect,a few people definitely seemed anxious too but it didn't alienate them like it did me, and passed much quicker. (this happened to them on just the MD)
I didn't feel any of that, I didn't forget where I was or who I was with, I kinda wish I did as I was aware of how I was acting but just couldn't do anything about it... the harder I tried the worse it became :/
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets like this, because I'm the only person that any of my friends have seen react this way :/
Iv'e taken MD around 5 times in my life at normal doses 200-300mg and had never really given safety much thought before, I had always just naively assumed it was a safe drug, tbh I didn't even really think of it as a stim and based on how I had seen friends use it, and how they react. They all get pretty spangled after a long 2 day session, but just end up doing/saying stupid shit that everyone laughs at afterwords.
However the other night I made some new friends and ended up taking 350 mg of mdma in 2 doses over about 5 hours, going back with them and taking another 3g split between 6 of us over another 4 hours. The last bomb I took didn't do anything but make me slightly edgy (not so bad I was just a bit quiet, eye contact was awkward) I guessed it was time to comedown and it was suggested I have a joint to mellow me out for sleep.
However that couldn't have been more wrong. (I don't smoke weed often, and when I do it tends to have a 50/50 chance of making me anxious vs mellow, I guess different strains maybe?)
As soon as I took it I started getting more and more anxious, as this was my first time with this combo I was prepared for something like this to happen, however not to this extent, nor the physical side of things.... it crept up on me then all of a sudden I just couldn't bring myself to speak, and wanted to just hide from the world, but at the same time didn't want to leave the room for fear of something happening while I was gone... and I kept zoning in and out of reality. (I wonder if I had kept myself busy, talking during this period, instead of withdrawing and over thinking everything it wouldn't have hit me so hard?)
My entire face and neck was tense, my eyes wide open and I couldn't close them for very long(not the pupils but as if I was surprised or something, like big round cartoon eyes all stretched and my eye lids fully retracted ) and I couldn't relax or focus on anything for more than 10 seconds. my eyes were dotting around the room constantly and randomly making eye contact with people which just freaked me out even more when I saw the way they were looking at me. this ended up sketching everyone else out too! apparently I looked like a crazed psychopath backed into a corner, ready to pounce any second! In my head It felt like this too but I don't know why, I knew half the people there really well and the others were part of their social group.. all chilled out and relaxed but it just felt like I couldn't do or say anything without over thinking it.
This is where I noticed the divide between me and everyone else, we were all equally fucked but they would just blurt out random things or do random things and not even car/realise it, where I couldn't...anxiety just had me frozen :/
This only got worse and ended up lasting for about 3/4 hours till we all left, looking back I wonder if removing myself from everything for an hour or so would have sorted me out, and stop it snowballing so much...
Iv'e slept since then and do feel better, but not quite myself yet, in fact iv'e been feeling less anxious about things since then, little things where I would usually tip toe around to avoid confrontation I just don't care for the outcome and speak my mind without going over a dozen scenarios in my head.
Iv'e since done some research (too little too late, I know) and realise I should have taken a lot less MD, but still is this a normal reaction to have? I mean when I try to think back on it I can hardly remember anything, it felt like an hour tops to me...but the bits I do remember I never want to experience again... it was such a crippling anxiety, and I acted in such a weird way that I don't even think I can face seeing those people again :/
Like I said most of the other people there also went a little bit loopy but not appearing scary/threatening like I did more just odd... like crawling around the floor, not knowing where they were, saying gibberish ect,a few people definitely seemed anxious too but it didn't alienate them like it did me, and passed much quicker. (this happened to them on just the MD)
I didn't feel any of that, I didn't forget where I was or who I was with, I kinda wish I did as I was aware of how I was acting but just couldn't do anything about it... the harder I tried the worse it became :/
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets like this, because I'm the only person that any of my friends have seen react this way :/
