Negative
Bluelighter
I.
I'm absolutely amazed how much I love life
it's amazing how
I can go through my everyday motions with such disdain
utter contempt for those I encounter
its amazing how much I curse when the phone at my desk rings
how the sight of someone who's
a little overweight, a little
unkempt, a fashion sense utterly revolting
yet, through all of the
vitriolic sense of disconnect
I feel love
this intimate connection with . . . something . . .
these thoughts, borne from such . . nasty places
connect me with something that, until almost a year ago
I thought I'd lost
and this isn't some gloating sense of elation
of an egotistical belief that I'm better then they
truly I'm glad they're alive, even when
I refuse to show it
II.
in the past, all of this
contempt and bile
I felt for myself
without
the courage nor the moxy to show it
dispite the mirror, of course
it was much easier to put on strangers
insults quickly become
the art of self deception
one can become
a master of projection
so long as you ignore that
the image is your own
III.
and blame, who's to blame?
just like projection, that
can be bounced
in so many different directions
judgment as a hall of mirrors
could one fault Details of GQ for
their implication of
the need for perfection?
the goal that
if I couldn't meet it, well, fuck
you won't either
Hollywood and Madison Ave
of course they play a role
bolstering
the message of the rags, with
products I could never have, and
characters I could never be
yes, yes, maybe true, yet
easy targets
but who then? my peers?
the very people in my process
of mental disassemblage
mutually deconstructing me?
ever driven to competition . . .
family, every so slightly, even
congratulating you with
a deft diss to the midsection
probably without knowledge
silent killers
IV.
yet, placing blame
dodges the truth
societal factors can't change
who you are
only if you let it
urges to one up
unfamiliar competitors
don't have to be answered
as the uncarved block can
become anything
or nothing
does it even matter
which is better?
"Take therefore
no thought for the morrow,
the morrow shall take thought for
the things of itself."
I'm absolutely amazed how much I love life
it's amazing how
I can go through my everyday motions with such disdain
utter contempt for those I encounter
its amazing how much I curse when the phone at my desk rings
how the sight of someone who's
a little overweight, a little
unkempt, a fashion sense utterly revolting
yet, through all of the
vitriolic sense of disconnect
I feel love
this intimate connection with . . . something . . .
these thoughts, borne from such . . nasty places
connect me with something that, until almost a year ago
I thought I'd lost
and this isn't some gloating sense of elation
of an egotistical belief that I'm better then they
truly I'm glad they're alive, even when
I refuse to show it
II.
in the past, all of this
contempt and bile
I felt for myself
without
the courage nor the moxy to show it
dispite the mirror, of course
it was much easier to put on strangers
insults quickly become
the art of self deception
one can become
a master of projection
so long as you ignore that
the image is your own
III.
and blame, who's to blame?
just like projection, that
can be bounced
in so many different directions
judgment as a hall of mirrors
could one fault Details of GQ for
their implication of
the need for perfection?
the goal that
if I couldn't meet it, well, fuck
you won't either
Hollywood and Madison Ave
of course they play a role
bolstering
the message of the rags, with
products I could never have, and
characters I could never be
yes, yes, maybe true, yet
easy targets
but who then? my peers?
the very people in my process
of mental disassemblage
mutually deconstructing me?
ever driven to competition . . .
family, every so slightly, even
congratulating you with
a deft diss to the midsection
probably without knowledge
silent killers
IV.
yet, placing blame
dodges the truth
societal factors can't change
who you are
only if you let it
urges to one up
unfamiliar competitors
don't have to be answered
as the uncarved block can
become anything
or nothing
does it even matter
which is better?
"Take therefore
no thought for the morrow,
the morrow shall take thought for
the things of itself."
i love this so much
