BellaLegosi
Greenlighter
Hello fellow BL's. I used to post under the name Hozilla. I had stopped posting for so long that I forgot my log in information and started a new one under this handle, BellaLegosi.
I found this site when some friends of mine started spooning pills and asked if I knew anything about that. I soon discovered the many threads and community that makes up BL. I love this forum and have found it to be very useful for myself as well as the people I know and love.
I try to come back every now and then and look at the Shrine. I put one of my cousins up in there after her OD on methadone and methamphetamine.
Outside of the BL I post or comment a lot regarding $cientology at the Underground Bunker. I am unemployed for the moment and trying like hell to manage an opiate addiction that has been ruling my life since 04'. I think I am at my wits end doing this. I am finally covered by state medicaid and am getting the medical attention that I should have had 10 years ago and is the main reason for my self medication and eventual addiction.
I do have a PPC that does work with me, but she knows very little about the length and amount of opiates I have taken and continue to take. I am at a point where I want to come clean with her and tell her just how bad this addiction is and that it has been going on for 10 years. I do not want to be thrown out of her office and red flagged. I have looked into maintainece programs, but I was uninsured and could not afford it. Now that my health plan covers methadone treatment I have to get a referral from my PPC to do this. I find myself at an empass. One cousin of mine who has a bad addiction tried going the methadone route and he was told that because he is able to support his family and is not getting arrested he doesn't even qualify for their program.
I don't know what to do and never been in the position to tell my doc the length and scope of this addiction. I am really scared that she will pull all service to me and make me find another provider.
I need help or advice on how to approach this subject with my doc, so I can begin to get a grip on this addiction. I have been addicted to methadone and kicked it on my own, but then started with oxy and vicks due to the medical issues I have. I have tried to tell my doc that 30 5mg vicks a month just don't cut it anymore. I end up spending 80% of the money I do earn on the black market and recently the only connects I have had sell morphine. I can snort 120mgs of morph and thats enough for me to get high. When I get dopesick I have noticed my BP going thru the roof. I am not a big girl in height or proportion.
Please, if anyone here can give me advise on bringing this subject up with my doc I would appreciate that. I am getting tired of this constant game, chasing drugs, dealing with insane/emotional dealers, and trying to cope with the effects the drugs are already doing to my body (with or without them).
Thank you,
Bella
I found this site when some friends of mine started spooning pills and asked if I knew anything about that. I soon discovered the many threads and community that makes up BL. I love this forum and have found it to be very useful for myself as well as the people I know and love.
I try to come back every now and then and look at the Shrine. I put one of my cousins up in there after her OD on methadone and methamphetamine.
Outside of the BL I post or comment a lot regarding $cientology at the Underground Bunker. I am unemployed for the moment and trying like hell to manage an opiate addiction that has been ruling my life since 04'. I think I am at my wits end doing this. I am finally covered by state medicaid and am getting the medical attention that I should have had 10 years ago and is the main reason for my self medication and eventual addiction.
I do have a PPC that does work with me, but she knows very little about the length and amount of opiates I have taken and continue to take. I am at a point where I want to come clean with her and tell her just how bad this addiction is and that it has been going on for 10 years. I do not want to be thrown out of her office and red flagged. I have looked into maintainece programs, but I was uninsured and could not afford it. Now that my health plan covers methadone treatment I have to get a referral from my PPC to do this. I find myself at an empass. One cousin of mine who has a bad addiction tried going the methadone route and he was told that because he is able to support his family and is not getting arrested he doesn't even qualify for their program.
I don't know what to do and never been in the position to tell my doc the length and scope of this addiction. I am really scared that she will pull all service to me and make me find another provider.
I need help or advice on how to approach this subject with my doc, so I can begin to get a grip on this addiction. I have been addicted to methadone and kicked it on my own, but then started with oxy and vicks due to the medical issues I have. I have tried to tell my doc that 30 5mg vicks a month just don't cut it anymore. I end up spending 80% of the money I do earn on the black market and recently the only connects I have had sell morphine. I can snort 120mgs of morph and thats enough for me to get high. When I get dopesick I have noticed my BP going thru the roof. I am not a big girl in height or proportion.
Please, if anyone here can give me advise on bringing this subject up with my doc I would appreciate that. I am getting tired of this constant game, chasing drugs, dealing with insane/emotional dealers, and trying to cope with the effects the drugs are already doing to my body (with or without them).
Thank you,
Bella
