Digging Deeper...
but this will prbly happen once a week or so
anyone else do this? seems to be pretty beneficial imho, though i know making it a regular habit would be a no-noo
Hey there...I realise that you have already gotten the obvious advice to stop the purging behaviour but as someone who has suffered with an eating disorder for 16 years now, I thought it would be worth it to get a bit more in-depth on this issue. Reading your post a couple of things jumped out at me, the first one being that you do this weekly. Its good that you recognise this as something you wish to keep to a minimal- and possibly stop- but if this has been something you have been doing once per week, Im afraid that it already is a regular habbit and one which is NOT NOT NOT easy to stop at all even with the best of intentions, and whole hearted determination.
If you are trying to control your weight by restrictive eating the urge to binge/over-eat or eat stuff you are avoiding will only get stronger over time. If you have a strong negative emotional response to "losing control" over what you eat, it is going to be really f-ing hard in the moment not to tell yourself "one more time" when you know you will feel better afterwards.
The other issue I worry about is that you will simply find another "more acceptable" way to compensate for overeating or purge calories. Even though this might not elicit the same strong reaction as self induced vomiting, its only going to add fuel to the fire. Eventually you will most likely end up binging and purging constantly. The consequences all of this will have on your health are fairly easy to figure out, not that you will need to since everyone will tell you. What they dont tell you is that in a couple of years, erroded teeth, thin hair, dry skin, stomach problems, heart problems, etc , will be the least of your concerns since you probably wont even want to live your miserable, cold, loney life anymore anyways.
Seriously. I wish I could go back 13 years ago and NOT try sticking my finger down my throat. It seems like the greatest concept ever at first, I know. But here I am at 27 using cocaine every.damn.day- not because I like it, or get high, but to stop myself from eating because I actually litterally cannot stop myself from throwing up afterwards. I exist a miserable depressing lonely life sustained by liquid nutrition supplement, while I wait for my kidneys to fail.
Anyway, what Im trying to say is that its not the act of throwing up Im concerned about its the whole picture- everythging that drove you to even try it the first time- cuz I think this is the really important peice that usually gets missed. If I can help in anyway, or you just want to talk, let me know!