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forced sobriety and threat of incarceration

evilthree

evilthree

Bluelighter
Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
213
How do you deal with being forced to get clean when you really have no interest in staying clean? I feel forced into this whole clean life. If I don't stay clean, the government threatens me with state prison time. I really hate the clean life, I hate not being high, but I especially hate myself. Getting high was my escape, my way to deal with the problems I had and how I couldn't stand myself. Now they take that from me and force me to attend cult meetings under threat of incarceration. I can't stand the mindset in this country, where people are so gung ho to lock a fellow human up and so supportive of invasive policies(urine tests, intensive programs for people who I don't even consider criminals)

While I know it is not permanent, this forced sobriety and threatening/playing with my freedom has really got me down and hating my life. I get excited at the thought of dying and not having to deal with all this. On top of incarceration, the government will also slap me with a long paper trail, meaning if I fuck up I go right back to being locked up, unless I decide to max out, in which case I'll have just wasted my youth locked up

How do you deal when you are constantly stressed, hate nearly every aspect of your life, unwillingly are forced to be clean, and cannot relate to anyone you are surrounded by? I constantly want to bash my head in because I feel I am just surrounded by people who are idiots and cannot think critically. I don't think drugs are bad, as a matter of fact I am quite a drug advocate, but most people in this society disagree, and I'm just tired of being surrounded by what I consider idiotic and wrong opinions that fuel this horrific system we live in
 
What is your drug of choice and why are you being threatened?

Its sounds like addiction more then anything, maybe if you'd be at least willing(not even want) to attempt whats being offered perhaps things may work themselves out.

After looking at a few of your post...you can only do dope for so long and its a one way street to no where that makes everything worst in the end... I'm sure you know rather you can grasp it at the moment.

Once you get deep enough into, most of the time you're not going to want to get clean and a lot of times you end being forced do something about it.

NA or AA isn't a cult, it may not be for everyone but it isn't a cult. Dope really isn't a much better option at all....you say you hate clean life, you'll hate the dope life too.

The system is fucked, at least they are offering you treatment they could of just thrown you in jail instead.
 
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The main problem with forced sobriety/treatment is that it fails to account for the fact that one must want to be sober to get sober. They can force you to detox, they can force you through a recovery program, but if you still want to get high, then you'll find a way to the second their backs are turned. Being forced one way also often makes one want the opposite all the more, which increases recidivism yet more.

From what you wrote, it sounds like part of the root of the problem is that you hate yourself, am I right? I've been there, and, quite frankly, it's something that I still struggle with a bit. There's not a lot of advice that I can offer to you, save that you should strongly consider therapy. While I've not had the same issues with addiction that you have, my self-hatred manifested in other self-destructive and escapist behaviours. The addiction/use is not the cause, it is a symptom; likely there are other symptoms in place that you may or may not have realized spring from the self-hatred. If you're being forced to be sober, then this is an excellent time to seek help, in that being biochemically sober will reduce the number of confusing influences, and will allow for more progress to be made quickly, should you choose to improve yourself in this way.

In the end, though, it is still a choice. You can have better than a monochrome life of addiction, but it will take effort, and lots of it. The hardest part of anything, IME, is starting. Once a bit of momentum is built, for good or for ill, it is easy to build on it and progress in whatever direction that you've chosen to take.
 
I disagree with the want to get sober, you have to be willing at least.

I think very few really want to give it up completely, but if you're at least willing...you have a shot.

A lot of addicts don't want to get clean, some even are forced by outside factors(family,law,ect) and they end up getting clean by just being willing to give it a try.
 
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evilthree said:
How do you deal with being forced to get clean when you really have no interest in staying clean? I feel forced into this whole clean life. If I don't stay clean, the government threatens me with state prison time. I really hate the clean life, I hate not being high, but I especially hate myself. Getting high was my escape, my way to deal with the problems I had and how I couldn't stand myself. Now they take that from me and force me to attend cult meetings under threat of incarceration. I can't stand the mindset in this country, where people are so gung ho to lock a fellow human up and so supportive of invasive policies(urine tests, intensive programs for people who I don't even consider criminals)

While I know it is not permanent, this forced sobriety and threatening/playing with my freedom has really got me down and hating my life. I get excited at the thought of dying and not having to deal with all this. On top of incarceration, the government will also slap me with a long paper trail, meaning if I fuck up I go right back to being locked up, unless I decide to max out, in which case I'll have just wasted my youth locked up

How do you deal when you are constantly stressed, hate nearly every aspect of your life, unwillingly are forced to be clean, and cannot relate to anyone you are surrounded by? I constantly want to bash my head in because I feel I am just surrounded by people who are idiots and cannot think critically. I don't think drugs are bad, as a matter of fact I am quite a drug advocate, but most people in this society disagree, and I'm just tired of being surrounded by what I consider idiotic and wrong opinions that fuel this horrific system we live in
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Use it as time to do what you would have never done otherwise... learn to love yourself and actually deal with your problems instead of avoiding them.
 
I know what you are going through. I too was court ordered into rehab and it was 5 1/2 months of struggling. My drug of choice was heroin but I found quitting drinking was harder for me to stop. I white knuckled it but I finished and didn't have one dirty urine test (except the first one when entering treatment). I actually entered treatment before it was even court ordered so that looked good to the judge. I was facing manditory 3-8 years but my charges got dropped down and I got off with a year of probation and some community service. Are you still going through the court systems or was a part of your sentence was to go to rehab? Are you in an outpatient treatment program? Are you being randomly drug tested?
 
Yea i was court ordered for drug problem, na meetings, community service and fines up the ass.

Instead, I had my family pay for some cushy ass rehab that tapered ppl off of oxycontin with oxycontin, allowed benzo and adhd meds, provided organic local farm food - customized menu, individual rooms, lots of new age treatments, trips to Montreal, kayaking, just for example (all this for 10g bc it was in canada). i never went to the na thins long enough. instead i submitted proof that i went to a sober house whose rules were to got to meetings everyday. and i used the required working in school experience as part of my master's requirement as my community service.

so maybe u could find an alternative way to work this out like i did.
best of luck.

i hate those state rehabs- at least in ca county jail anyone can sign up for methadone,
 
I think you should really take this time to explore new coping techniques rather than getting high. It's a good way to turn this into a much more pleasant experience rather than forced sobriety. At the meetings, take whatever lesson that you can out of them rather than placing them in a negative light before you even try it. Try something new that drugs have prevented you from trying so far. Save up the money that you aren't blowing all the time on something big that you want or something that you've always needed. Forced sobriety I promise you is far from the end of the world and you have the ability to turn it into something completely new. Consider all of your advantages and none of your disadvantages, and take off from there.
 
My biggest gripe with the state-prescribed formula (AA, fines, counseling, running around, probation, etc) for drug crimes is that it perpetuates a lot of addict-like behaviours even if it keeps the person off of drugs. In order to complete all of the requirements, one's often scrambling for rides and for money. Often the places one must go are in the inner-city, where one's used to going for drugs. And then the double-lifestyle is also continued, when you're trying to keep it from your employer, or from potential employers, that you're in legal trouble, or when you're trying to show therapists, your PO, etc that you're working the program as they want to see it worked, when really you might have your own formula that is working.

This is all sold under the pretense of "hey we're doing you a huge favour by not sending you to jail!" This seems to pardon a lot of the insanity of the probation/drug-court/etc route.

I think that it's hardest for people who seem to find peace in recovery by becoming empowered on a lot of new-age or spiritual things/connections. These programs do not want to see the shaggy-haired hippie telling them that s/he has found freedom in nature, organic food and meditation, who is now happy enough to never want to "put poison in his/her body again." They want to see the man, beaten down by his own guilt so much that he'll never again use, taking up his factory job and learning to accept the American Grind. For if everyone who recovers like the former, the drug court appears "soft on crime." They still want it to look like they're winning in ways the population appreciates, even if they aren't sending people to jail.
 
Life really sucks sometimes.

You need to make the most out of the situation you are in and deal with it. Even though you may not want to stay clean there are tons of great lessons that can be learned in rehab if you are willing to shut your mouth and open your ears. I was in rehabs for a long time and it helped me immensely with relationships, family relationships, dealing with life in general. The reality of life is that you can’t be high all of the time and learning how to deal with things when you can’t be high will help you immensely.
 
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