I dont even know how to put this feeling into words its a strong confusion of regret, nostalgia, and pain. I was home this weekend and it felt so wrong. I dont know what happened but I have changed. I am now a man without a country. I saw all my old friends but there was nothing there, no spark, nothing. Its over and I cant believe it. We were supposed to be brothers, but things have changed. In retrospect I can observe the decisions I made that contributed to this end and this hurts. I traded it for heroin, shit I was willing to trade everything for heroin. If I could take it back? I would and thats tough to say because I sacrificed alot of good things to fill that needle sized hole in my soul. The worst part is that I have become incredibly selfish I only think about me its always drew...drew...drew how does this effect drew. I have no personality no vitality im boring and that is tough to accept. I need to reinvent myself somehow. I want to wake up a differant person. I need to escape.
