I remember growing up,
You were just so great to me.
I looked up to you,
You were my hero.
I was your Pumpkin
And you were my Daddy.
You used to watch me perform.
You’d give me your mic
And I’d sing to your tapes.
I’d make up my own words
Just to get your attention.
You would send me to dance classes
Before I was 10,
To watch me perform
Again and again.
But the dancing and the singing
Never mattered to me.
I just wanted your smile, Daddy
And for you to say you’re proud of me.
As I got older, that went away.
There’d be fights with Mom
And my sisters,
I’d be so afraid.
But I’d still be your Pumpkin
And Daddy, you’d still be my Daddy.
I guess I tried to block out
All the bad things.
Never thought twice about the abuse
And the fighting.
You were my great one
And you always said you loved me.
I even remember my big night
In high school, Daddy.
I looked for you,
But you weren’t there.
I sang my heart out,
Or at least what I could.
But I didn’t see you smile, Daddy
So my performance wasn’t
What it should’ve been.
Winning didn’t matter,
I just wanted you there
With the mic in my hand,
Like it used to be.
But no sooner than I got home,
The phone rang.
It was you, Daddy.
You were there the whole time,
Listening and watching.
You even said I sang your favorite song
And I never knew.
But why couldn’t I find you, Daddy?
Why couldn’t I see you?
You almost made up for such
A disappointment.
If only I knew it was just the beginning.
After graduation
You had my address and number.
You never called me, Daddy.
Why?
I even went to school for theatre.
For you, Daddy.
To make you proud.
You told me I had it in me,
The love and passion.
But I failed.
Why did you let me fall?
I needed your support, your love,
Your everything.
You helped me out once,
When I got into a real bind,
But it doesn’t help over four years
Of struggle.
I’ve struggled whether to trust you
Or not.
I’ve wondered if I was ever
Really your Pumpkin, your Pumpkie.
There’s never a day that goes by,
When I don’t think of you
It brings tears to my eyes,
I sometimes think I’ve never
Had a father.
But why would you lie?
Why wouldn’t you call?
Why couldn’t you just be the adult?
Call just to say hi,
Merry Christmas even.
I love you, Daddy,
But why do you make me cry?
~Jamie
You were just so great to me.
I looked up to you,
You were my hero.
I was your Pumpkin
And you were my Daddy.
You used to watch me perform.
You’d give me your mic
And I’d sing to your tapes.
I’d make up my own words
Just to get your attention.
You would send me to dance classes
Before I was 10,
To watch me perform
Again and again.
But the dancing and the singing
Never mattered to me.
I just wanted your smile, Daddy
And for you to say you’re proud of me.
As I got older, that went away.
There’d be fights with Mom
And my sisters,
I’d be so afraid.
But I’d still be your Pumpkin
And Daddy, you’d still be my Daddy.
I guess I tried to block out
All the bad things.
Never thought twice about the abuse
And the fighting.
You were my great one
And you always said you loved me.
I even remember my big night
In high school, Daddy.
I looked for you,
But you weren’t there.
I sang my heart out,
Or at least what I could.
But I didn’t see you smile, Daddy
So my performance wasn’t
What it should’ve been.
Winning didn’t matter,
I just wanted you there
With the mic in my hand,
Like it used to be.
But no sooner than I got home,
The phone rang.
It was you, Daddy.
You were there the whole time,
Listening and watching.
You even said I sang your favorite song
And I never knew.
But why couldn’t I find you, Daddy?
Why couldn’t I see you?
You almost made up for such
A disappointment.
If only I knew it was just the beginning.
After graduation
You had my address and number.
You never called me, Daddy.
Why?
I even went to school for theatre.
For you, Daddy.
To make you proud.
You told me I had it in me,
The love and passion.
But I failed.
Why did you let me fall?
I needed your support, your love,
Your everything.
You helped me out once,
When I got into a real bind,
But it doesn’t help over four years
Of struggle.
I’ve struggled whether to trust you
Or not.
I’ve wondered if I was ever
Really your Pumpkin, your Pumpkie.
There’s never a day that goes by,
When I don’t think of you
It brings tears to my eyes,
I sometimes think I’ve never
Had a father.
But why would you lie?
Why wouldn’t you call?
Why couldn’t you just be the adult?
Call just to say hi,
Merry Christmas even.
I love you, Daddy,
But why do you make me cry?
~Jamie
