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Detox Finally stopped the methadone clinic

Awww good Deb I'm glad you went, although I just read what cj wrote to you and I tend to agree actually, a therapist would probably be very helpful. Whatever you choose is right for you. And you know I'm, here too if you'd ever like to talk.

Much love,
your friend always,
Ash.


Debbie Combs said:
Thank you Lovemissile, like you, I have found myself being a recluse. I did go to a meeting tonight. I was last one in and first one out. Didn’t say a word, listened. Seemed everyone knew each other.....there was a routine. I did not know they past a hat. I did not know about standing in a circle at the end........
Funny, I have a hard time with “My name is Debbie and I am an addict”. I’ve never uttered it and that is the first time I have wrote it. That’s what I am “an addict”. I’ve never thought of myself like that before. Gives a keen sense of self. I’ve been denying it for years. It’s awakening and brutally honest.
Maybe I can get something out of these meetings. I plan to go again next week. Folks there were everyday folks. Some shared. I noticed the common denominator was pain.
I’m assuming there is a book. They talked about steps. A higher power. it was more spiritual than religious. That was my take on it anyways.
Ash.........I remember reading some of aihfl post. I’m sorry to hear he past. Thank you for giving me a push to go tonight. I probably wouldn’t have but I thought about what you said. “Just go”. I am glad I went.
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I was sadden to hear of Stargazers passing. May she Rest In Peace. She was such an inspiration.
It’s been over 10 months since I quit methadone. its been a ride and continues to be a ride. I would not have done it any other way though. It was the best thing I could’ve ever done. Methadone was not good for me. It maybe a life saver for some, we are all so different.
At times I still have PAWS. Out of nowhere I get extremely fatigued, cold. My digestive system is still not right. Occasionally Pain in shoulder blades will remind me the pain of last January. I went through a lot the last year. Divorce, empty nest, retiring and starting a new career, watching my parents get older and their failing health and the maddening effects of PAWS. There were times I did not know whether to sit or stand. What I liked or disliked. Did not know what to DO........I felt so incredibly lost.
BUT
mentally I’m much better.
physically I’m getting stronger.
aware ness can be bittersweet. All that lost time. Can’t make up for not being there for loved ones. Guilt.
All I can do is try to make each day better. Be there, really there, being real, feeling pain as well as happiness. It’s so much better than being in a fog.
seems I have some really good days, then I believe I over do and get sore, tired the next day. Hard to pace yourself after 10 years of doing nothing.
I went to a month of meetings. It helped some. I never spoke. Felt compelled but remained silent.
summer was hard, not use to being outside was use to climate control inside. Seemed it was 95 outside everyday with high humidity. Learned to drive a tractor, realized organic gardening will not work on acres of crop. Nope not sustainable. Drunk a ton of water and stayed dehydrated, sunburnt. Loved it!
it’s all new. Every aspect of my life and I LIKE it. I even like being by myself in this big ole house. I have rooms I can do anything I want. Anytime I want. I’ve learned to like and accept myself.
 
Debbie Combs said:
I was sadden to hear of Stargazers passing. May she Rest In Peace. She was such an inspiration.
It’s been over 10 months since I quit methadone. its been a ride and continues to be a ride. I would not have done it any other way though. It was the best thing I could’ve ever done. Methadone was not good for me. It maybe a life saver for some, we are all so different.
At times I still have PAWS. Out of nowhere I get extremely fatigued, cold. My digestive system is still not right. Occasionally Pain in shoulder blades will remind me the pain of last January. I went through a lot the last year. Divorce, empty nest, retiring and starting a new career, watching my parents get older and their failing health and the maddening effects of PAWS. There were times I did not know whether to sit or stand. What I liked or disliked. Did not know what to DO........I felt so incredibly lost.
BUT
mentally I’m much better.
physically I’m getting stronger.
aware ness can be bittersweet. All that lost time. Can’t make up for not being there for loved ones. Guilt.
All I can do is try to make each day better. Be there, really there, being real, feeling pain as well as happiness. It’s so much better than being in a fog.
seems I have some really good days, then I believe I over do and get sore, tired the next day. Hard to pace yourself after 10 years of doing nothing.
I went to a month of meetings. It helped some. I never spoke. Felt compelled but remained silent.
summer was hard, not use to being outside was use to climate control inside. Seemed it was 95 outside everyday with high humidity. Learned to drive a tractor, realized organic gardening will not work on acres of crop. Nope not sustainable. Drunk a ton of water and stayed dehydrated, sunburnt. Loved it!
it’s all new. Every aspect of my life and I LIKE it. I even like being by myself in this big ole house. I have rooms I can do anything I want. Anytime I want. I’ve learned to like and accept myself.
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I am so happy to hear this and yes Stargazers passing was a big loss. God bless her soul. I was on methadone for 10yrs and it was definitely difficult to quit but it was the best thing I ever did. I'll never go back. The paws did seem to last forever...❤ U sweetheart... Congratulations on 10mths. Thanks for coming back to share your hope and success.
 
Thank you somnilicious, it’s been a journey. 10 yrs is a long time on methadone. it becomes a new norm. Congratulations on your recovery.
 
I made it! A year! So glad I’m off methadone.
sleep is routine, depression lifted for the most part.
Routine. Having one stone sober is essential. Plodding one day at a time. Staying busy, being accountable.
 
Debbie Combs said:
My last dose was 1/3/19 at 10:30am. It was 9 mg. I have been going to methadone clinic since 9/12, over 6 yrs. I was tapering, doing well, But took a Xanax one night for sleep and pissed dirty. They took my take homes away. That?s fine. I understand. It?s a rule. However I never had a dirty screen for the 6 yrs I was there. This was the first. I talked to Dr about recovery and his reply bothered me to no end. Clinic treats addiction, not recovery. So I asked my GP, he said that would be the clinic that would help with recovery. Vicious cycle. I jumped.Done pretty good for the last 2 days. My pupils are quite dilated. My heartbeat is really fast and my legs ache really bad. No appetite. I hope it does not get any worse. I live by myself. I?m older, 56. The heart beating so fast has me concerned. I?ve told my two daughters, they are supportive and live a short distance from here. I do feel alone. I have Xanax if I need it. 1 7.5 loritabs and have bought a supply of Lope. I do not want to use anything that would prolong. I gotta be top dollar in March. Thank you for reading this. I?m going to use this as my journal until I get better.Question......will it get worse? I?m having a hard time finding things I can get into to occupy my brain, not dwell on it. My highest dose was 90 at methadone clinic. I came down to 60 pretty fast and then to 30, I?d say the last year has me from 30-9. Now none. Scary after all these years.
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I recently got off of methadone (120mg daily) after 6 years. I had the same symptoms. You need a blood pressure pill like clonidine 0.2mg. This will help the racing heart, high blood pressure, and will help keep anxiety at bay. I would suggest stocking up on Imodium pills. Trazodone 50mg will help u sleep. Lastly Flexerall or a similar muscle relaxer. This will greatly reduce the leg cramps and helps a little with back pain. Your GP will write you these scripts. After 60 days you probably won't need them or at least not daily. Best of luck and we'll wishes.
 
Came back to say PAWS is a very real thing. I stopped methadone January of 19. It’s been 20 months.
this past month I was finally able to eat food without stomach issues. not really cramping stomach, but nausea and felt like someone had beat me for two-three hours after eating. (like eating really bad fast food for a year.)<——— I was eating good food!
the brain is re-wiring. I don’t know if much has been written. The brain fog, memory it was bad. Not sharp! I think I fried my brain.
some has returned, I’ll take what I can get.
the fatigue. This was the most intense side effect for me. It IS getting better. IDK if it’s linked with being able to eat two meals a day again, but I can work 10 hrs, go home, walk the dog and do routine chores around house without feeling there is a bag of rocks tied around my neck.
I had begun to think all this was my life now. Accepted it as old age, but no.............it’s PAWS.
 
Ha. Yeah, I blew out my receptors too. Keep going. It does getting better as you say. The brain is constantly healing itself. Your body is much healthier off the methadone too.
 
Not kidding about being healthier, I feel it! use to be, I would have a funny remark to add but not anymore. Receptors still not firing. I look for to finding my sarcastic humor again.
 
cj said:
9mg is still a big dose. You really should of gone all the way down to 1mg. If you still can go back to the clinic and do that I would recommend it. It's going to get worse unfortunately. At 72 hours you still have methadone in your system.
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Old thread but horrible advice. The brain controls the body. If you tell her it will get worse it will get worse
 
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