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Detox Finally stopped the methadone clinic

Hey Debbie!! Listen to me when I say...YOU CAN DO THIS and life is going to be soooo much better because of it. I was on 120mg of methadone, & I went to the clinic for 8 years. 8 YEARS of my life I spent nodding out or a zombie. I never wanted that life but at a young age of 18 & quickly became addicted to OxyContin, it was a way out. I somehow managed to go to college & earn a BAchelor degree while on methadone. The clinic I was going to wanted us all to be lifers. But when I expressed to my counselor over & over that I wanted off, I wanted a career and a husband & children and a normal life, she finally told me that I COULD do it. She instilled it in me that I could be successful, & I tapered off for 6 months, & jumped off at 6mg. The first few days were uncomfortable & hard. After day 5 I felt much better...after day 10 I was able to go places again. & I?ll never forget day 14 as long as I live. I went outside & I noticed something I hadn?t noticed in 8 years. The sky, it was BLUE. It was so blue and so beautiful and I had not noticed it?s beauty In 8 years. I cried in my car by myself because I felt like I had been going through a thick fog for 8 long years & then I could see so clearly again and the world around me was so beautiful, more beautiful than I remembered it before the fog. I felt like living, & I went on to have that career l dreamed of, husband & 2 beautiful children....my sobriety lasted for 7 years until I had a bunch of kidney stones & needed a few dental crowns, so I needed pain meds. I was in a hectic anxiety filled place in my life & the pills did their thing & killed all that. After a few months I was addicted again. I began taking Suboxone about 20months ago. It?s very different from methadone but it?s still something that was controlling my life & body & I don?t want that. I want my kids to know me sober, I want to have the energy to be everything they need. I want better for them and for me. So here I am again, day 14 of being sober. I think I?m going to go outside & look at something beautiful. Much love Debbie & anyone that reads this & needs a little hope.
Love,
Jessica ❤️

PS-I feel much different feelings about Suboxone than I do methadone. I feel that if a person can?t kick heroin, opiates etc then suboxone can benefit a person tremendously for as long as they need it. I don?t feel like suboxone ever got me ?high?, I never really felt a euphoria from it like I did methadone, & it took away any cravings for anything else. If suboxone can help a person turn their life around I am all for it. I?m just ready to be completely clean. Methadone in my personal opinion drugged me so bad I had trouble living a normal life, that?s why I personally feel like it is truly replacing one thing for another. My mother also died from a methadone overdose when her pain doctor switched her from opiates to methadone for her pain. She was 48 years young.
 
Deb, I took Norco for suboxone withdrawal. Don?t beat yourself up about the Xanax. You are doing what you got to do. Norco for suboxone well it took the edge off when it was unbearable but it also prolonged my suffering so I had to say goodbye to that 8 days ago. I just had a few stashed from 2 years ago & was desperate for relief, same as you with the Xanax. Since you do have a prior history with the Xanax maybe you can tell yourself, ok, by day 14 no more Xanax. Just a thought. I wondered if I would have had a huge bottle of Norco if I would have been able to stop. I would hate for you to get hooked on the Xanax but if you have just a few to get you through....and I do understand why your dr wants to prescribe you with something like an antidepressant. Xanax is a short acting fix. It doesn?t help to balance the chemicals in your brain to help you feel better long term.. I also am taking clonidine & find it helpful for periods of sleep. I?ve read you can take 2 at a time but I would be cautious of anything like that mixing too much with Xanax. I think when you go back to work & are forced to push through it will benefit you mentally. I?m forcing myself right now to take the kids to the trampoline park. Lord knows I don?t feel like it but forcing my body to move Seems to help me feel a little better mentally. You are doing great Deb...don?t beat yourself too much. You should be so proud of yourself!!!!
 
Thank you Jessica, your posts gives me inspiration. I remember when tapering and got to 9mg, stabilized looking around and noticing things. Things I’ve never should’ve overlooked. I guess we take our parents for granted, like they will always be there. We have worked together for over 30 yrs with a family business. They have gotten old. I mean, to the point they really can’t anymore......where have I been and why did I not see it..............methadone.
I never felt euphoric, I did nod though around 90. Made me isolate myself. Did not want anyone around. Also gained a ton of weight on it. Just gave me the “I don’t cares”. I’ll never recommend anyone to go on it. Like you suboxone would be the way.

Today is day 10
its so much better. Stomach is somewhat settled. If I drink coffee I get achy legs. If I don’t I get a headache. Need to find happy balance. I even got 5 hrs of solid sleep! Anxiety, cry for no reason. The mental part is disturbing, I’m feeling better, getting energy and have no were to direct it.
Suppose I’ll retire from the post office. 31 yrs is enough, take over the family business. Gear my energy towards growing veggies and flowers for people to buy this spring. I work a lot. Spare time, I have no clue what to do with it.
 
I hope my personal feelings about methadone don’t cause anyone to read & think I’m being negative or non supportive in their recovery. If it helps someone off heroine etc & helps them to get a job & home I don’t want to diminish the positive it possibly can do in someone’s life. Like I said I made it through 4 years old college on the stuff. I do think, however, education is a powerful tool & it is something I did NOT do before I started a clinic, which the one I went to I felt was a money hungry clinic that has every intention of keeping me there for life. I think in my personal experience, my dose was too high but as an addict I didn’t have control. When they said “are you uncomfortable?” I would talk myself into being uncomfortable when I didn’t have a need to increase my dose. I did feel very high from the methadone & although the initial thrill type of high left me, my body still said “ahhhhh” when that dose kicked in & it was a very unhealthy lifestyle for me personally. That’s just my personal experience but I don’t think that anyone has to be a lifer if they do not choose to be. Our brains are much more powerful than our bodies & although withdrawal SUCKS (living it!) it IS possible to say NO MORE & regain control of our lives. Proud of you Debbie & when I read your post I had to comment because it hit home. That fog is going to clear & your life is going to be so beautiful. One important thing I’m noticing is how having support people helps. Just having someone to talk to & say damn today is tough...it really does help. Which makes me think surrounding myself with a group from church for recovering addicts or joining an AA group might not be a bad idea! This group is awesome too. I hope tonight is peaceful for you!
 
Oh & that weight is going to fall off too! I lost 50 lbs barely even trying just by stopping the methadone! Maybe that will happen for me again with the suboxone lol ha
 
How do people feel about methadone clinics? Overall? Although in theory they sound great for people getting their life in order, they seem backed by greed. Like you Jessica, they would ask about comfort and up dose. The clinic I went to focused on maintaining, not recovery. Shouldn’t recovery be the final goal? There is a high turnover of nurses, doctors, counselors there. Shouldn’t that put a red light on for somebody? Revolving door of staff, is quality help there?
Opiate crisis. Well they need a step down plan for those people with surgeries, or pain that take for 2-3 mo.to recoup. A taper, something. WTH leaving people stung out like that?
Thats my rant.
 
Day 11
Overall much better. I have to drink a little coffee in mornings. I do get joint pain after, but it’s better than the headache without.
i never answered CJ question about the amount of Advil, Tylenol I was using. To be honest a couple days I was probably taking too much, I could not remember if I had taken anything and it sure did not feel like it. When I did it was always

800mg ibuprofen 4-pills
1500mg acetaminophen 3pills. Lol.
(whether it was 3-4 hrs apart or every two hours)
.1 clonidine twice a day
initial 8mg loperamide followed by one or two for stomach if needed
xanax for sleep and melatonin.
trazadone (antidepressant)
water
chicken soup

Those are the only things that went into my body for a good 5 days.
 
When I took Imodium (loperamide) I thought it was messing with stomach and stopped, BIG mistake. Lesson learned. Stomach cramping is a withdrawal symptom, was not a side effect of lope. Matter of fact on Day 11 it is still much needed. Sleep is hard. No motivation. Anxiety. Leftover withdrawls are mild in comparison to last week at this time.
It was a big thing for me, to get off methadone. I’m glad I did. I know there are more obstacles to over come. I was just looking for a pen, opened a drawer and found 4 packs of fentanyl patches. I have never tried these. Must be the exe’s. Looking now, says 2.5mg, five in each box. Crap! See..............
Obstacles. Cravings. Headache. Diahrea. Joint pain. Anxiety. No motivation.
not free quite yet.
 
I forgot to mention a milestone. Last night I did not have to wear sweats, hoodie to bed. I wasn’t freezing.
 
Debbie: I've been following your recovery--You are doing fantastic! You got this. Day 11 only means keep going. I am no expert on recovery or withdrawal, but for me, the physical stuff mostly passed by Day 14, but the mental, emotional, insomnia issues lasted for quite a while. The key, in my opinion, is to fill every waking moment with some kind of diversion to keep your brain occupied. If you don't, all you will do is think about how crappy you feel and focus on the second, minutes, hours ticking by. Many people suggested exercise and I finally forced myself to do it even though it was absolutely the last thing I felt like doing. It made a huge difference. For the muscle aches, I found that soaking in a hot bathtub with Epsom salts helped--stuff is cheap, I would dump an entire 5 lb bag in a tub of water as hot as I could stand. Also, for your stomach issues--try eating some rice (chicken and rice helped me). It has a binding effect and will help firm up the diarrhea.

Finally--I would tell you this--and take it for what it is worth--get rid of the Fent patches. They will haunt you and call to you and convince you that a little won't hurt. Again, I am no expert on recovery, but the temptation will only mess with you and makes things worse. You have to focus on the right things right now and your brain is in a fragile state as it tries to chemically re-balance itself. I had a stash of poppy seeds in the garage during the worst of my CT and they drove me insane. I finally just threw them in the trash which took a ton of willpower to do. BUT--it was a very cathartic moment for me and I think it was a turning point during the kick--almost like I was telling the seeds they were not going to ruin my life anymore. But as I now know, just getting clean is not enough. Just like addiction is a full time job (getting the drugs, buying the drugs, hoarding the drugs, mixing the drugs, taking the drugs, etc.) so is sobriety. If you let your guard down just once, the enemy will slip back in the door.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. It does get better, that I promise.
 
Thank you Iamgollum, I kinda thought the same, getting rid of the patches. I don’t need it, don’t need it around me. I’ve been reading your journey too. Did you ever tell the wife? Don’t need to answer but I think when you tell someone, it kinda makes you more accountable........did for me.


anyone out there...........blood pressure kinda high.........like 185/110, 169/95. I know hypertension is part of withdrawals but blood pressure this high? More clonidine?
 
Debbie: My BP and heart rate skyrocketed during withdrawal. Scared the bjeezus out of me. I was able to bring it down with deep breathing/calm thoughts usually.

Re: your question: I never did tell my wife/family what was/is going on. My wife and I have been through some rough patches in recent years--some related to my addiction, some not. I just didn't feel that adding more stress by springing my little problem on her would help the situation. We have been doing better, though--spending more time together, sleeping in the same room again. I can't really say it was at a point of critical mass, but we were obviously drifting apart which didn't help my drug usage. I think mostly we were just in that phase of marriage where the kids are grown and instead of spending all your time being partners as parents, there is a lot of time to fill. And, we never really had similar interests. Anyway, sorry for the long answer to your question. I may tell her eventually, but the time is just not right.
 
Deep breathing did help....some, with blood pressure. Kinda remInds me of old Lamaz classes for natural childbirth. BP still up there, glad I did not check it last week. Lol.
Headache, tired, no motivation. Depression
i go back to work on Wednesday. I haven’t been in two weeks. I have a Dr note and all, but still.......everyone will want to know what was wrong.
 
Lamaz-Ha! Brings back memories--my wife and I went through the whole childbirth classes thing and she was determined to do it naturally. When that first labor pain hit though, she yelled "GIVE ME DRUGS!" It was a rough delivery with our first one (11.5 lbs!) and my wife is not a big person. I asked her if she wanted some ice chips and told me to never touch her again...good times...

Glad the breathing helped a bit. Your body is stressed right now trying to get back homeostatis which is jacking up your HR/BP. Unless you have a heart condition or high blood pressure, it will probably be fine. If you are concerned though, probably should call your doctor. I am not as young as I used to be and the high HR really scared me since I have a mild arrhythmia condition anyway. It started to come back down after about the 2 week mark. Light activity/exercise can help as well.

I know it's tough right now and you still feel crappy, but you really are doing awesome. Withdrawal/recovery is not for the faint of heart and it takes a strong will to make it through. Having been through it recently, I know exactly what you are feeling. As far as going back to work--believe it or not, it may actually help with recovery. It helps to get back to a normal routine and keep your mind occupied. As for your co-workers--tell you wanted some time off to focus on you and get your priorities straight for the new year. Here in another couple of weeks they are going to notice a huge change in you--more energy, more focus, happier, fun to be around--probably wonder where that person came from or has been hiding these past years.

You got this--just keep on pushing forward.
 
Day 11 - night
I’m awake, it’s 3am. Slept for 35 minutes. Insomnia
and what...restless leg is back. Great. Assuming it’s a type of restless leg, not near as intense, feels like muscles are drawing up, but not quite cramping in arms and legs.
Not having good thoughts. Feel hopeless. Intense ringing in ears. Blood pressure still very high. 165/100. (That was at 10pm, I do not want to check it now) Tired of this dragging out. Not understanding why the arms and legs are bothering me when I had a reprieve. Understand the insomnia now and how it exasperates.
THIS SUCKS
Why can’t there be good thoughts when you can’t sleep? That whirlwind process is never good. I’m to tired to meditate, I want to sleep. Someone should write a book on good thoughts and positive attitudes with insomnia.
 
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Yes, the RLS and insomnia were my killers during wd. Well, I actually think the depression was the devil though.

Your bp will level out, you're under a lot of stress, but it will go back to normal.

I hope you can get a few steady hours of sleep soon Deb, then you will feel a lot better.

Hang in there, you're really strong and you're doing a fantastic job even if it doesn't feel like it.


Much love and support.

Your friend,
Ash.




Debbie Combs said:
Day 11 - night
I’m awake, it’s 3am. Slept for 35 minutes. Insomnia
and what...restless leg is back. Great. Assuming it’s a type of restless leg, not near as intense, feels like muscles are drawing up, but not quite cramping in arms and legs.
Not having good thoughts. Feel hopeless. Intense ringing in ears. Blood pressure still very high. 165/100. (That was at 10pm, I do not want to check it now) Tired of this dragging out. Not understanding why the arms and legs are bothering me when I had a reprieve. Understand the insomnia now and how it exasperates.
THIS SUCKS
Why can’t there be good thoughts when you can’t sleep? That whirlwind process is never good. I’m to tired to meditate, I want to sleep. Someone should write a book on good thoughts and positive attitudes with insomnia.
Click to expand...
 
Day 12
Thank you Ash for commenting, reading and the uplift words. Much appreciated.
Still, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr headache, stomach, legs and arms, high BP.
I have to function tomorrow. I’ve got to work. How can you work with no sleep? Diahrea? I can not imagine being in the public view for 8 hrs this way, pasting a smile on my face. (Or is that what I need?.) and being chipper and helpful.
Going to Doc in couple hours. I read in another post Hydroxyzine? It helps with anxiety, insomnia. Going to ask about it. Since he heard I was on methadone, he has cut every addictive substance.
I caved last night. Could not stand the thoughts running through my mind. Took one of my last Xanax. Slept 2 1/2 hrs. I’m happy with 2 hours as long as those horrible thoughts do not come in my head.
Knowing that withdrawls can last 20-30 days and living it is two different things. I’ll ask one more time for a short RX of benzos, hoping the i
 
@Debbie: Yes, the insomnia was the absolute worst--almost broke me at one point. It is tough to stay positive and focus when you are exhausted. Again, advice is worth what you pay for it and this is free: When you are lying there in bed awake--don't. Get up, go do something to take your mind off the fact that you are not sleeping. By just lying there, all you are doing is stressing about how you are not sleeping which only makes it harder to get some shut-eye. Once you are up, when you start to feel tired, go back to bed and if you still can't sleep, get up again. I know that seems counter-productive, but I have been seeing a sleep specialist for the past few months (I am a life-long insomniac that only made it worse with drugs) and she has told me that you need to associate your bed/bedroom with sleeping. And, it did start to help.

Also, are you taking any type of decongestant? A couple of Bluelighter's told me that they can really cause the restless leg syndrome to get worse. When I stopped taking them, it did seem to help.

Finally, remember this is a process and it will take time for your brain/body to re-balance. But it WILL happen. One day you will realize that you are sleeping normally, that your digestion is not messed up, that you have energy you forgot you had. I know the hard part is the "when". We feel so bad during WD--a relentless physical, mental, emotional assault on our bodies--that all we can do is wish it to be over and focus on that. Unfortunately, that makes it even worse. If you can will yourself to find something else to think about, the time will not crawl by as slowly--take a walk, do a jigsaw puzzle, watch YouTube videos, stream Netflix, etc.

Also, I know you are dreading going back to work--I know I did. And, while I can't say the first few days were fun, they were not horrible and it represented a return to "normal" which helps the healing process.

You are showing incredible strength and determination right now. Take it one day at a time and soon the good ones will start out-numbering the bad ones.
 
Do not take hydroxyzine! It will make the restless body feeling much worse. Ask your doctor for gabapentin. A high dose of that will help tremendously if you run out of benzos. Your doctor is really being an asshole. Not helping you at all while charging you for appointments.
 
My Dr will not prescribe any benzo, no Gab, nope it’s not happening. Lol. I feared that would be his response. He did call in hydroxyzine and upped my clonidine from .1 to .2 twice a day. I’ll not take the hydro, not a chance if it INCREASES RSL! Thank you CJ for letting me know and all the advise. Not lying in bed waiting for time to pass ........ I’ll practice tonight.
 
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