falsifiedhypothesi
Bluelight Crew
In my teens i was always very apathetic, i never put effort into anything. My most recent mushroom trip was one of the most benign i've had, but it gave me some very helpful insight into my past and the workings of my subconscious mindset.
I was always afraid of my true potential, i believe it was the way my parents raised me that caused me to not want to try. I was afraid that my best would only be mediocre, so i chose mediocrity to save myself the disappointment. I don't blame my parents, they've always been loving and accepting and i know they did the best they could.
I always justified my lack of interest and motivation with depression. Now i realize it wasn't depression holding me back, it was me (fits some cliche im sure). Now i'm in the position to change my life but i still am without the motivation to act on it.
It frustrates me everyday, i want to go back to school, i want to get out of my current career, and i don't want to ask for help. It overwhelms me, how much time i've wasted, i'm still wasting time and it's eating me from the inside out. It won't feel right to me unless i pave my own way but i don't know where to begin and every day that passes feels like another opportunity wasted.
I've had this on my mind for a little while now. This is mostly venting, like i said i don't like taking help, but i appreciate anyone who responds.
I was always afraid of my true potential, i believe it was the way my parents raised me that caused me to not want to try. I was afraid that my best would only be mediocre, so i chose mediocrity to save myself the disappointment. I don't blame my parents, they've always been loving and accepting and i know they did the best they could.
I always justified my lack of interest and motivation with depression. Now i realize it wasn't depression holding me back, it was me (fits some cliche im sure). Now i'm in the position to change my life but i still am without the motivation to act on it.
It frustrates me everyday, i want to go back to school, i want to get out of my current career, and i don't want to ask for help. It overwhelms me, how much time i've wasted, i'm still wasting time and it's eating me from the inside out. It won't feel right to me unless i pave my own way but i don't know where to begin and every day that passes feels like another opportunity wasted.
I've had this on my mind for a little while now. This is mostly venting, like i said i don't like taking help, but i appreciate anyone who responds.