Finally found a girl perfect for me except I can't accept her past

[Vagina Lover]

A relevant book worth reading is Dying To Survive, by Rachael Keogh.

Notice the name? Dying To ...
Survive.

Do you think a cute girl like this ...

... would do this to herself:

... with a rational, drug free mind?

She was a prostitute. Look at the first photo. That's what she looks like now.

If you've been a junkie, you were prostituting your body out to drug dealers.

And maybe, just maybe, you have gone back to that by now, since this thread is pretty old.

You are/were probably in denial about your own issues.

 

[Ligaturd]

Addiction rewires the brain and behavioral tendencies stop being so much completely of their own volition, it is driven by the trauma of the horrible lows of withdrawal and motivated by the extremely pleasurable highs that are so much more rewarding than regular life. I have seen so many people fall so fast and once someone starts down the path of doing regrettable things it becomes even more justification to keep using drugs and digging yourself deeper because of shame and then that high state becomes all the more necessary to cope. People find themselves becoming more self motivated even though it is self destructive, the way that they serve themselves is to ensure that they are constantly high and this becomes the priority. I started to become someone who I wasn't proud of and that motivated me to make some changes in my life before it started to become too late and I started to lose more control.

In trying to make changes in my life I discovered the importance of talking about and understanding negative things that have happened in my past and finding resolution with the people that those situations involved. It is not good to just bury it and ignore it, we are an amalgamation of our pasts and past events have helped shape who we are. Denying this important part of my journey of understand and accept the past is to deny me forward momentum. But if it is something from someones past that doesn't involve you then absolutely, it's theirs to own and a part of their past that doesn't involve you or exist anymore. Admitting that some things were a huge part of my life and still affect me and needing to understand and talk about them with people who were a part of it takes a lot of courage and the willingness to take on these traumas to achieve understanding of oneself and also ensure to not make those mistakes again is definitely a positive albeit uncomfortable undertaking.

 

[ech0s85]

I ended up breaking up with her a little bit after she got out of prison.

I feel like most of you don't understand what my problem was its like we're talking about different stuff. I don't see being an addict as an excuse for things. I don't see people pressuring you as an excuse.

I get why you think I'm an asshole but that's not how it feels to me. The whole situation was the most painful shit ever I've ever gone through. It just took me a long time to accept that there are things people can do that I just can't accept in a girlfriend. I didn't treat her differently despite what you might think, I don't hate her I'm not mad or whatever. I still love her but I can't be with her and it is what it is.

You can say the past is the past and only now matters but it's not true, at least for me. I can see how people will think I'm a dick for it but I feel like they're looking at it the wrong way. Everyone knows right from wrong and how what they do will affect their lives. Everyone has deal breakers. You make your choices and accept the outcome good or bad.

I've never really felt true helplessness or despair until dealing with this, but now that I'm through it and some time has passed I can at least say that it's given me a lot of perspective on myself and how I relate to people and the whole thing was one of those bad experiences that are good to go through in the end.

Deep down I would never be totally ok with it and no matter how hard I tried or wanted it or logically thought it shouldn't matter, it just does and it was a hard painful fight trying to find any way around it.

 

[dieseldog1]

A junky judging a prostitute???!! That's a new low

It's a junky judging a junky prostitute.

 

[dieseldog1]

Good for you. I gotta think I would have dumped her too. That's too much baggage. Once a whore , always a whore. Just saying. ..........

 

[JessFR]

Yea I still think you're an asshole. So are you dieseldog1.

Both your comments disgust me.

 

[Big Bird Gemini]

I love her and want a family at some point, but in the back of my mind I'd always be thinking I had kids with a whore. but I also know how rare it is to find a girl I click with like this and really don't want to date for another decade hoping to find one.

^^Do yourself and her a favor by parting ways if this^^is truly how you feel. Prostitution is seriously destructive to the psyche, however, I would give her props for being honest with you. Don't marry or have children with a woman you consider a whore? Is she a whore now, you said no. The truth is one is either IN or OUT in terms of romantice relationships/marriages. Healthy boundaries and trust is the foundation of a relationship. It's really no ones business about her past mistakes. Personal information is on a need to know basis, and not too many people need to know.

As a woman who gives loyalty and respect, I would Not be in a relationship and definetly not marry a man who feels he is above me.

Bottom line, you are the only one who knows what you really want. If you want her, then love who she is now instead of mistakes she has made.

 

[Big Bird Gemini]

Quote "I love her and want a family at some point, but in the back of my mind I'd always be thinking I had kids with a whore. but I also know how rare it is to find a girl I click with like this and really don't want to date for another decade hoping to find one."

^^Do yourself and her a favor by parting ways if this^^is truly how you feel. Prostitution is seriously destructive to the psyche, however, I would give her props for being honest with you. Don't marry or have children with a woman you consider a whore? Is she a whore now, you said no. The truth is one is either IN or OUT in terms of romantice relationships/marriages. Healthy boundaries and trust is the foundation of a relationship. It's really no ones business about her past mistakes. Personal information is on a need to know basis, and not too many people need to know.

As a woman who gives loyalty and respect, I would Not be in a relationship and definetly not marry a man who feels he is above me.

Bottom line, you are the only one who knows what you really want. If you want her, then love who she is now instead of mistakes she has made.

 

[zephyr]

Look at it another way. She could have gotten into crime like break and enter theft armed robbery or car stealing to support her habit.

Using her body is a lot better than hurting innocent people to feed a habit.

You should tell her how you feel. If she has no issue with her past it might be you that gets dumped.

If you do love her let her go and find someone who is better suited.

 

[nygiants1313]

Ok first I appreciate all the responses. Secondly almost everybody is making assumptions or missing the point. My problem is that somebody would choose to do something that makes them miserable and destroys them mentally and spiritually rather than any other option. Another thing I hate about the addict culture is nobody will own up. Nothing's their fault.

She wasn't forced to do anything like somebody said. Her family constantly offered rehab, subs, whatever. And yeah Im a junky too, that has nothing to do with it. And fuck yes I'm being judgemental, and its a good thing. If you would let somebody you cared about seriously screw up and not say anything then you're a bad friend. If she had been slutty instead of being a hooker it would bother me but for a completely different reason. And I would NEVER throw this in her face during an argument and I have no idea why you would assume that. I told her when we got together how I felt about this and that I didn't know how I would handle it even years down the road, so leave now if you're not ok with that. I've never brought it up since and I don't treat her any differently because of it.

I knew what I was getting into and i would never try to use shit to hurt her.

So again, my problem is that somebody with all the options in the world would put themselves through that. I love who she is now, I'm just having so much trouble with the past.

that is a completely different thing than what your OP is about, and not even relevant to the discussion.

 

[nygiants1313]

I ended up breaking up with her a little bit after she got out of prison.

I feel like most of you don't understand what my problem was its like we're talking about different stuff. I don't see being an addict as an excuse for things. I don't see people pressuring you as an excuse.

I get why you think I'm an asshole but that's not how it feels to me. The whole situation was the most painful shit ever I've ever gone through. It just took me a long time to accept that there are things people can do that I just can't accept in a girlfriend. I didn't treat her differently despite what you might think, I don't hate her I'm not mad or whatever. I still love her but I can't be with her and it is what it is.

You can say the past is the past and only now matters but it's not true, at least for me. I can see how people will think I'm a dick for it but I feel like they're looking at it the wrong way. Everyone knows right from wrong and how what they do will affect their lives. Everyone has deal breakers. You make your choices and accept the outcome good or bad.

I've never really felt true helplessness or despair until dealing with this, but now that I'm through it and some time has passed I can at least say that it's given me a lot of perspective on myself and how I relate to people and the whole thing was one of those bad experiences that are good to go through in the end.

Deep down I would never be totally ok with it and no matter how hard I tried or wanted it or logically thought it shouldn't matter, it just does and it was a hard painful fight trying to find any way around it.

That sums it up the most. If someone's past is that important to you then do yourself a favor and leave once you find out their past and aren't able to deal with it. Usually junkies are the most understanding, and least judgmental of them all. There is no point in debating or anything. Even most girls who aren't junkies/ex junkies have wild pasts. I can accept anyone's past if they have changed. (besides woman beating, sex slavery, child abuse/pedophile shyt)

And it is ok if you cant accept someone's past. I'm not telling you, you have to. For now on either don't ask questions that you may not like the answer too. And don't stay with someone if deep down you know you wont be able to handle their past so nobody wastes each others time.

If you have learned, and grown from this experience then there is nothing more to say.

 

[nygiants1313]

Quote "I love her and want a family at some point, but in the back of my mind I'd always be thinking I had kids with a whore. but I also know how rare it is to find a girl I click with like this and really don't want to date for another decade hoping to find one."

^^Do yourself and her a favor by parting ways if this^^is truly how you feel. Prostitution is seriously destructive to the psyche, however, I would give her props for being honest with you. Don't marry or have children with a woman you consider a whore? Is she a whore now, you said no. The truth is one is either IN or OUT in terms of romantice relationships/marriages. Healthy boundaries and trust is the foundation of a relationship. It's really no ones business about her past mistakes. Personal information is on a need to know basis, and not too many people need to know.

As a woman who gives loyalty and respect, I would Not be in a relationship and definetly not marry a man who feels he is above me.

Bottom line, you are the only one who knows what you really want. If you want her, then love who she is now instead of mistakes she has made.

couldn't agree more with this post. I find it funny. If a girl isn't prostituting anymore OP still considers her a whore. Well OP, then that means although you don't use drugs any more you will forever be a junkie. So what woman decides to have your kids will be having them with a junkie. And then you're kids will always have a father that is a junky. (According to your logic)

good luck