Feeling weak against temptation

[BeatTheSickness]

Today is noticeably harder than the last few weeks. For some reason I have heart rate fluctuations, probably just due to my natural anxiety ridden self. I'm writing this in just general need for support but also to just admit it publicly to resist this temptation...uhg it's going to be like this for the rest of my life, isn't it?

 

[BeatTheSickness]

I must also add I've ridden 4 miles on my bike this morning...

 

[simco]

I feel you, man. That's the worst. I can't recall seeing you describe your situation (sorry if I missed a thread about it). But if you have any folks supporting you in your attempts to quit, now is the time to hit them up. The only times I've ever made it through a really bad stretch was by making sure I wasn't alone, even for a second. It can be humiliating. But it will keep you safe.

And if you *don't* have a support network locally, keep writing on BL. We're here and rooting for you!

 

[BeatTheSickness]

meeeep lol its so freaking difficult, because my brain begins to rationalize why it'd be okay to relapse. (4 years snorting H). been through a detox program, and nearly half a dozen relapses. my last one I had a friend administer doses so I could taper. I know I sound and feel like a baby compared to others situation. it's just so damn hard staying clean...

 

[BeatTheSickness]

fuck this shit I am going to go skate. I am not even hyped about it but my experiences have taught me you literally have to FORCE yourself to stay occupied.

does anyone else just wish they were 17 years old again just smoking ganja and playing video games all the time?

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Today is noticeably harder than the last few weeks. For some reason I have heart rate fluctuations, probably just due to my natural anxiety ridden self. I'm writing this in just general need for support but also to just admit it publicly to resist this temptation...uhg it's going to be like this for the rest of my life, isn't it?

It's great to talk about things like this, because it helps us process what is going on here.

No, you shouldn't feel this way for the rest of your life. Things do get better and easier as time goes on.

Will there still be temptation? Yes, it's impossible to forget everything. I myself don't get many daytime cravings or triggering, I mostly just experience the obsession while dreaming 8( and it sucks! But I don't get down on myself, I realize that it's about progress, not perfection and that I'm still going strong after 17 months of no needles/suboxone even when I have tough parts to each day I know I'm doing well overall and I can do this.

meeeep lol its so freaking difficult, because my brain begins to rationalize why it'd be okay to relapse. (4 years snorting H). been through a detox program, and nearly half a dozen relapses. my last one I had a friend administer doses so I could taper. I know I sound and feel like a baby compared to others situation. it's just so damn hard staying clean...

I had about 9 months on snorting powder heroin, then about 5 years on suboxone (iv); and I must say that I know how hard it is. Don't let it get the best of you.

does anyone else just wish they were 17 years old again just smoking ganja and playing video games all the time?

yeah and I have somewhat resorted to pot and video games, but I have a lot of other things going on in real life as well.

Get a good video game and have fun with it

 

[Daisy77]

I am new this this site so don't be hard on me lol. I actually came across this site while trying to find info on how I can do Herron while I'm asking suboxone. "I know pretty pathetic." Anyways, I registered and scrolled through the different topics and found myself looking for positive feedback to stay clean instead of how I can do heron while on suboxone. I've been on subox now for 3 weeks. Started out on 20mg and brought myself down to 16mg. I was feeling funny on 20. Anyways I'm feeling very week and wanting to do that one last hit. Every time I feel weak I google "how to do heriin with subox" then I figure that's way too much work and I don't even bother. I feel my weakness and I don't know how much longer I can go without screwing up. I don't want to do the transition again as I went into the p/w. Any tips to stay clean or screw up would be helpful. Thanks for listening all of you?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Again, it sounds like the rather rigid structure of a methadone clinic would really benefit you.

 

[Ligaturd]

the blockade effect buprenorphine has along with it's long half-life is extremely therapeutic. It would require one to go through withdrawal for a significant amount of time before they could even do their DOC and by then (i would) they would probably cave and just take their suboxone. The longer you can stay on it, the more it encourages neuroplasticity and rewires your brain so it doesn't react to the normal triggers. Time and allowing the brain to physically heal and restructure are absolutely essential to recovery.

I was a poly drug addict, I was addicted to and injected to many different classes of drugs. Opioids were my main problem though. Being on suboxone for 7 months (tapering down now) and not injecting that whole time, I can encounter drug memories, run into people I used to use with, be confronted with the sight of needles, etc. and I don't get that massive dopamine rush and am not completely taken over by the urge anymore. Suboxone is an amazing tool for addicts in providing stability, chemical handcuffs, encouraging neuroplasticity. If you stay with it long enough, these cravings will pass. Just be patient. You really are doing the best thing you can for yourself right now, just keep these ideas in mind and you will be successful.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Nice post Ligaturd! I will say that it is possible to break through the blockade effect of buprenphine even after being on it for long periods of time at high doses, but it would require a massively dangerous dose of a potent full agonist opioid luke heroin or hydromorphone, and that would be very dangerous. But you know, junkies will always find a way. I definitely do not encourage such behavior.