Feeling very lonely

[darklane]

I'm going to make this as short as I can.
I have mooved to collage I tought It will be great, and yeah it's pretty good . But I can't get over this feeling of loneliness that I have for a long time.
It comes from not being able to talk to anyone about my feelings 1st because there are too many built up over the years 2nd I don't want to be seen with pitty by my friends and rd I can't seem to get a stable relantionship, this is one of my biggest problems. I'm sick of just getting with girls for one night stands and just some fun I want a real relantionship. I never had a long standing relantionship maybe I don;t know how to keep one.

The longest relantionship lasted in highschool with a girl I started to love but her feelings weren't the same... and I was dumped , worst feeling ever. I was the puppy-guy style. Bringing her flowers, making gifts in the most original ways I could imagine, texting her good night whenever I had the chance, she was not comfortable talking about her problems so I told mine first then she finally gave up and told me hers ... It was the best time of my life, It was like I was hooked on cocaine 24/7 . After splitting up we continued to get up back on and off. Until now we just remained friends I don't love her anymore but there is a huge mark on me... and I will always have a weekness for her.

I go from time to time on weekends back in my home city where I recently found this girl at a party and we had a great night and we talked of seeing eachother soon this weekend , the problem is the distance so I don't know If I should put too much in this relationship
On the other hand I found someone here but this is my luck... we talked about going out on friday and now today when I sent her a message regarding if I should make the reservation for the restaurant no answer was given and I'm sure she is avoiding me since she hasn't talked to me on messenger either. Also i'm not trying to force the note here too seem desprate.

I said this is my luck because I usually get almost any girl for a fun night, sex partying etc.. but when it comes to me getting the girl for a relationship... It all goes down the drain.. and I'm left with a big depression just sitting in this apartment.. waiting for some money to come and then just go and have a drink and say fuck it.... I'll try to move on.

I feel that I cant talk to no one , and I don't want to do it since many times It was pointed out as my wickness and people laughed even my friends that told they won't say a word... had it coming. Like this night .. I bet someone told that girl some shit about me... and puff she changed her mind..

Anyway it was good getting a few stones off my chest...
hope I didn't bore you too much with my "not so good" english .

Have a nice day !

 

[Chazzout]

I am in a similar situation. If there's anything I've learned (and I wish I could help you but I really don't know a solid "out" of the situation) it's that being with someone is only a certain aspect of a well-rounded life, and it's important not to beat yourself up if it's an aspect you have trouble with. Are you sure that this girl is just not texting you back on purpose? It's horrible, but sometimes people play hard to get like that - and a lot of times people just forget to respond. It's easy to take it as deliberate when you're used to things not working out, but that doesn't mean they won't text you back the day of saying "shit! I forgot to respond" or something such.

One thing that I've started to realize, which helps me, is that a lot of the girls I have gone for were as messed up as I was (what?!) and it wasn't really my fault they weren't willing to be with me. It is best not to take that sort of thing out on yourself. The other day a girl I knew rejected to even go on a date with me. I found out she told my friend (who was basically more dumbfounded by it than I was) I was not boyish enough. Now I realize that it probably wouldn't have been worth my time to be with a girl who is that picky.

Anyways, you shouldn't have to feel lonely just because you're having trouble finding a serious relationship. You don't deserve to have other people be so in control of your emotional state. If you put in the effort to keep yourself busy and happy with other things, you might find that you'll worry less about getting into a serious relationship. The irony is, of course, that you might even find that that attitude ends up helping to get you into a serious relationship. Even if it doesn't, you'll definitely feel better about everything.

If you ever need to chat, drop me a PM. Cheers!
PS - didn't even notice your english being off. What's your first language?

 

[TheMiddleWay]

I haven't had a superficial relationship since high school... You gotta feel less lonely, my friend. We're young, you can't force love, the right gal will be waiting for you.

Just don't start messaging this girl everywhere or more than once. As mentioned it's likely she is busy with something or just forgot.

 

[Dave]

Keep in mind as well, that at that age a lot of people aren't looking for a relationship. It is tough, but try not to put any expectation onto your encounters, and things will happen as they should. If you like someone, keep in touch, but remember the rule of message ratios: if you are messaging her more than twice as much as she's messaging you, chances are that she's not that interested. Wait for replies; don't multi-send. And try not to get hung up on any one person at this stage; you're in school, there are awesome people everywhere!

 

[TheMiddleWay]

Keep in mind as well, that at that age a lot of people aren't looking for a relationship. It is tough, but try not to put any expectation onto your encounters, and things will happen as they should. If you like someone, keep in touch, but remember the rule of message ratios: if you are messaging her more than twice as much as she's messaging you, chances are that she's not that interested. Wait for replies; don't multi-send. And try not to get hung up on any one person at this stage; you're in school, there are awesome people everywhere!

Well said!

And even if she IS interested, if you violate the above ratio you may smother away the feelings

 

[yellodolphin]

being college age its healthy to have whatever female relationships but you shouldnt base your emotional happiness on having a relationship because if your not emotionally ready or you have other issues to deal with that you should think about that and think about your happiness first. if you not happy then yyou cant make another person happy and you shouldnt expect a person to save you so to speak. but what you should do is just hang out with girls and get some friends or one good friend that is a girl and that will help you because female energy is good for men i think, men would go crazy without women to balance them out in society.

 

[darklane]

Thank you all for the info, it really helped me a lot !

 

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

because i have not had a loving relationship with a girl, basically ever, i pretty much hate my life and i wish i was dead.

i don't know what else to say. i guess maybe i am being a selfish fuck, but really, how can it be selfish if what i want is to take care of someone else before myself and love them for life? sure, there is always someone i can pour my love into (myself) and i do love myself, but it is not enough because if i had a girl there would be SO much more love in my life. this is ALL i want out of my life, and it is the one thing i want that has yet to work out.

i have done this to myself. it took me a long time to mature, and to get over tribal social anxiety bullshit, and to get over partying all the time frying my brain too much and stuff. but now, i am a shining star. i am so ready to love someone so much. this is the one issue in my life that is preventing me from being extremely happy and it is tearing my life apart. i DO have hope, i KNOW that girls really like me and love just takes time, but i wasn't meant to be without it for so long. i'm only human. it isn't healthy... it's destroying me.

i'm not about to slit my wrists, but i have certainly developed some pretty serious depression from this. i NEVER thought i would hit such a low point. i have created a hell for myself. looking back when i was younger, when i wasn't worrying about growing old without ever finding my special girl, life was so good. what the FUCK has happened to myself? i'm angry; i cry daily; i'm miserable. i don't know if it's because i smoke too much dope and it's messed my brain up but it really just feels so natural to be lonely in this predicament. and loneliness is ALL i ever get upset about. any other issues i have are pale in comparison. i keep it to myself mainly, if you met me you probably would never guess i have this problem unless you knew me really well. which makes it worse really because NO ONE knows except a couple close friends of mine. everyone thinks i'm just a normal chill happy dude.

it is very important to be able to be happy alone and i know this, and i know we should never feel alone because we are all one consciousness appearing itself subjectively and whatnot. i'm just struggling with my ego a bit to attain inner peace.

anyways, life is obviously beautiful man regardless. i'm gonna go out soon, hit the town hard, and you never know what will happen. tomorrow is a new day. i'm REALLY trying hard to just be happy and let go of this shit, because i know that once it works out, i'm going to be like, what the fuck was i thinking being so sad?

 

[Legerity]

It makes sense to need to drink when you feel that you are unable to form a relationship that will keep you happy. Relationships in themselves will not bring you lasting happiness/peace/etc. although they can certainly bring some worthwhile experiences into our lives. So you really don't need to find the right person; remove the need to be with somebody to feel good about yourself and you no longer will experience the depression that comes from being by yourself.