randomgirl
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2017
- Messages
- 6
Hi guys! I'm from Ukraine, 20 y.o., and really need your help!
6 month ago I did NBOMe with a very unpleasant set and setting. Before the trip I felt extremely bad because of a challenging life situation + after effects of amphetamine (I used it a lot to pass the exams). Don't ask me how I decided to do psychedelics, that is currently the worst decision I've ever made in my life. The whole trip was an extremely anxious and terrifying experience: I felt disoriented, depersonalized, scared of everything around. It also included a few truly pleasant moments, but in all my trip was horrible. People's faces looked distorted, objects moved and surfaces waved. That chaos in my head was impossible to explain, my thoughts were racing, morphing from one to another. All I wanted was to end this hell. Good thing was that I took 1/4 of a tab as it's a pretty low dosage.
In a month I started experiencing panic attacks, after which I realized I still felt like I was tripping. Some time passed and severe depersonalization kicked in. I started feeling depressed and suicidal. My thoughts were all about my mental state. I suspected I had some kind of mental illness, like schizophrenia or psychosis. I started my own research over the internet on this particular topic, I read thousands of articles, trip reports, recovery blogs and stuff, including 'Depersonalization Manual' by Shaun O'Connor. By now I had 4 psychotherapy sessions which helped me to believe I was not schizophrenic/psychotic. Recently I have been to psychiatrist, who prescribed me antidepressant + neuroleptic + nootropic + vitamins. I had been on antidepressant for a month already before I was prescribed with meds, and it didn't work properly until I started taking neuroleptics.
So, now I'm still feeling weird like I'm permanently stuck in that trip. Depersonalization is very little now, it nearly went away. I have nightmares in which I experience the same horrible feelings of despair and being trapped in some kind of parallel dimension. Dreams' plots are usually different, but the visual setting is commonly dark and very abstract, I would say, even trippy. Every day I wake up and bless god for being finally awake. I also have mild HPPD: floaters, negative afterimages, light sensitivity and sometimes auras around moving objects. During the day I usually experience kind of flashbacks, they are never visual, only mental, for me it feels like I'm back in that horrible times when I felt I was constantly tripping from day to day.
If anyone can relate to this or give an advice, please, answer. Every reply is extremely precious to me!
6 month ago I did NBOMe with a very unpleasant set and setting. Before the trip I felt extremely bad because of a challenging life situation + after effects of amphetamine (I used it a lot to pass the exams). Don't ask me how I decided to do psychedelics, that is currently the worst decision I've ever made in my life. The whole trip was an extremely anxious and terrifying experience: I felt disoriented, depersonalized, scared of everything around. It also included a few truly pleasant moments, but in all my trip was horrible. People's faces looked distorted, objects moved and surfaces waved. That chaos in my head was impossible to explain, my thoughts were racing, morphing from one to another. All I wanted was to end this hell. Good thing was that I took 1/4 of a tab as it's a pretty low dosage.
In a month I started experiencing panic attacks, after which I realized I still felt like I was tripping. Some time passed and severe depersonalization kicked in. I started feeling depressed and suicidal. My thoughts were all about my mental state. I suspected I had some kind of mental illness, like schizophrenia or psychosis. I started my own research over the internet on this particular topic, I read thousands of articles, trip reports, recovery blogs and stuff, including 'Depersonalization Manual' by Shaun O'Connor. By now I had 4 psychotherapy sessions which helped me to believe I was not schizophrenic/psychotic. Recently I have been to psychiatrist, who prescribed me antidepressant + neuroleptic + nootropic + vitamins. I had been on antidepressant for a month already before I was prescribed with meds, and it didn't work properly until I started taking neuroleptics.
So, now I'm still feeling weird like I'm permanently stuck in that trip. Depersonalization is very little now, it nearly went away. I have nightmares in which I experience the same horrible feelings of despair and being trapped in some kind of parallel dimension. Dreams' plots are usually different, but the visual setting is commonly dark and very abstract, I would say, even trippy. Every day I wake up and bless god for being finally awake. I also have mild HPPD: floaters, negative afterimages, light sensitivity and sometimes auras around moving objects. During the day I usually experience kind of flashbacks, they are never visual, only mental, for me it feels like I'm back in that horrible times when I felt I was constantly tripping from day to day.
If anyone can relate to this or give an advice, please, answer. Every reply is extremely precious to me!