Mental Health FeeIing suicidal, I don't know who I can talk to

[Meow1243]

I've been having suicidal thoughts recently and I'm not sure who to turn to. I've been feeling really anxious and depressed, when I'm feeling particularly low I find myself thinking along the lines of "what's the point of being alive if the majority of my existence is spent feeling bad". I've caught myself thinking about how I would go about killing myself.

I want to tell someone how I'm feeling but I don't want them to get me baker acted. I just want to express the way I feel without being forcibly put into the psyche ward, stuffed with meds, and everybody finding out that I'm so depressed. I really only have a handful of people that I'd even consider telling but I don't know if I should tell them the whole truth or just say that I'm feeling sad.

I think the source of my depression comes from my low self esteem and inability to relate to others (I have social anxiety), I feel ashamed of the way that I am. The idea of talking to someone about this is terrifying. I'm scared that they'll see me as damaged or crazy and that I will push them away and no longer have them in my life, or that they will see me as weak and take pity on me.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I'm not one to express my emotions or talk about my feelings but I'm at my breaking point, and I think it's time that I looked for some help. If anybody could offer some advice or words of support I would greatly appreciate it.

 

[most-wanted]

Hey hold in there i totaly understand and efell like this at times i think most of people do at some point in there life. Life is not easy and its very hard to open up to people around you but a real friend job is to be there for u in these times. Think how u would act if someone u know came to you fpr help in the same situation. All i know is suiside is not the answer. keep your head up and yes there a suicide hot line number u can call for help they can asis in finding a doctor or just someone to talk to and get things off your chest look it up on google you'll find the number. But talk to a good friend and be open with them sometimes we just need to get it out. im sure just posting on here felt good to get out right. Well keep your chin up and dont be so damn hard on your self lots of us struggle with life its not eazy but one day at a time

 

[herbavore]

You can always talk to a therapist and let them know you are not planning to act on the feelings but you want to explore them.

 

[jl82]

Hey there, hope youre feeling OK too. Just want to let you know I've felt the same on multiple times and have tried to off myself once, and then had suicidal ideation another time and ended up just crying about it. All over the place, I am- and I know how you feel, like "why am I here anymore" or "what use am I to the world", "I'm so useless there's no point me being here". I can't presume anything about your personal life but my therapist said that when I feel down like that think of people who would be affected if I indeed did kill myself. I'm lucky enough to have a supportive family and circle of friends who understand I am going to CBT. Unfortunately thats not enough; sometimes I feel selfish that I still get thoughts of wanting to kill myself or that everyone'd be better off without me, even after my CBT therapist said all of that, so sometimes these thoughts do just slip through.

Again I dont want to presume but similarly to you I hate talking about my feelings and bottle them up instead and lash out when I'm angry. CBT has actually really helped me, I guess its what you put into it- are there any options such as CBT, psychotherapy, available where you are? Are you in the UK? I have used the Samaritans hotline before (free service 24/7, call up, speak to adviser) which is there for you if you are feeling down or suicidal.
Mind also run an infoline: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
7 Cups of Tea is a chatbased kind of system where you 'chat' to a 'listener' rather than phoning up (it's a bit like MSN!)

Then I wasnt sure if you are in the USA but I found this for the USA (helplines): http://www.healthyplace.com/other-i...ealth-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources/

I know talking about it is a terrifying experience but I think its the first big step you could take. Of course its different for everyone but I hope some of these resources help or that you feel you can speak to a doctor or therapist about this, the fact that you have acknolwedged that you want to seek some help is amazing. Best wishes!!

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I'm a firm believer that you can have a better life, it just takes some work, starting with talking to counselor about these feelings, because these feelings are real, and they are causing you great pain.

We can't predict our future. It's just too dependent on so many variables. It's not unreasonable that you can spend a great portion of your life loving your existence.

Sounds like you might have pretty good insight into why you feel the way that you do. That's key.

No one can lawfully disseminate that information to other people without it being absolutely necessary or with your approval. Being an in-patient can seem like to most stressful thing, but it can turn lives around.

I think society these days is fairly understanding that clinical depression is real, and that it doesn't mean you are an inferior person.

Such is the sad reality though that we don't value honest feelings in this culture nearly so much as we should. I can imagine that you might feel like you're bulging with the pressure of a lot of emotional baggage. Please take the time to care for yourself and make an appointment with a therapist.