SpeedLimit55
Bluelighter
Dedicated to the beautiful people helping me hang on... Thank you.
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"Life's not fair". These words ricochet off the walls of my head, not pausing long enough for me to breathe.
What a horrible misnomer those words are. When a child comes home from playing greeted by the horrible blows of his father, or by the often more hurtful words of his mother...is this simply 'unfair'?
When the blue eyed beauty comes home only to be told she's not good enough, not pretty enough, nothing but a failure...just another example of unfairness?
When I wake up in the middle of the night, covered in my own tears, haunted by the voice of the woman I lived and would have died for, the pain searing through my veins and tearing at my heart...not fair.
Hiding in the deepest darkest corners, places demons won't tread, the pain follows me like the unshakable shadow it has become.
"Please. Just let me rest now", I cry in agony.
Assured that my soul can't take another blow, I beg anyone who will listen, "Let me throw in the towel".
My only encouragement? The fact that this meager existance I call life will never hurt worse...can't hurt worse.
So afraid I've run even from myself, I stop trying. Refusing to love, unable to speak, unwilling to listen, I stop. I'm through now. It's time for me to rest too.
What I thought were footprints on my heart, I now see as bruises.
Below the bottom of an endless pit, my hands tear at the walls, trying to grab onto something...trying to find some reason to justify the wrongs I see and feel every day.
Nothing. Nothing but cold empty walls.
I hear their wicked laughter, scoffing at me all the louder as I fall farther from the truth, nearing the point of no return.
Bracing for impact I throw my hands in the air. Is it one final attempt to find salvation? Or is it a sign of my bitter disgust...my now intense hatred for everything around me?
The crash is soft, gentle, eerily comforting.
Alas my soul has come to a stop. The pit does have a bottom.
I open my eyes not knowing what to expect of this new world...where am I?
This is not where I'm supposed to be.
In your arms now, your lips against my cheek, and your heart joined with mine...I understand...
...You jumped first, long before me, waiting to catch me.
Even when I had long since given up on you, on everyone, you pressed on, undeterred.
Too tired to put up a fight, too scared to be alone again, I give in. You can hold me now. Please don't drop me. Please don't ever let go.
...so I'll rest now...I have to get my strength back...so I can catch you...even if you don't want me to.
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"Life's not fair". These words ricochet off the walls of my head, not pausing long enough for me to breathe.
What a horrible misnomer those words are. When a child comes home from playing greeted by the horrible blows of his father, or by the often more hurtful words of his mother...is this simply 'unfair'?
When the blue eyed beauty comes home only to be told she's not good enough, not pretty enough, nothing but a failure...just another example of unfairness?
When I wake up in the middle of the night, covered in my own tears, haunted by the voice of the woman I lived and would have died for, the pain searing through my veins and tearing at my heart...not fair.
Hiding in the deepest darkest corners, places demons won't tread, the pain follows me like the unshakable shadow it has become.
"Please. Just let me rest now", I cry in agony.
Assured that my soul can't take another blow, I beg anyone who will listen, "Let me throw in the towel".
My only encouragement? The fact that this meager existance I call life will never hurt worse...can't hurt worse.
So afraid I've run even from myself, I stop trying. Refusing to love, unable to speak, unwilling to listen, I stop. I'm through now. It's time for me to rest too.
What I thought were footprints on my heart, I now see as bruises.
Below the bottom of an endless pit, my hands tear at the walls, trying to grab onto something...trying to find some reason to justify the wrongs I see and feel every day.
Nothing. Nothing but cold empty walls.
I hear their wicked laughter, scoffing at me all the louder as I fall farther from the truth, nearing the point of no return.
Bracing for impact I throw my hands in the air. Is it one final attempt to find salvation? Or is it a sign of my bitter disgust...my now intense hatred for everything around me?
The crash is soft, gentle, eerily comforting.
Alas my soul has come to a stop. The pit does have a bottom.
I open my eyes not knowing what to expect of this new world...where am I?
This is not where I'm supposed to be.
In your arms now, your lips against my cheek, and your heart joined with mine...I understand...
...You jumped first, long before me, waiting to catch me.
Even when I had long since given up on you, on everyone, you pressed on, undeterred.
Too tired to put up a fight, too scared to be alone again, I give in. You can hold me now. Please don't drop me. Please don't ever let go.
...so I'll rest now...I have to get my strength back...so I can catch you...even if you don't want me to.
