^ I'm sure they feel their situation is messy and they haven't made a move yet...
I wanted to explain why people get uncomfortable about their feelings.
Q: If I like someone - shouldn't I express it bluntly and without second thought?
A: Yes.
Q: Why?
A: Because there's nothing to be gained by holding back.
Q: Why else?
A: What's there to be gained by HATING someone? Exactly.
Q: Well, Cpt... I like someone and are scared to come out that it's SEXUALLY liking them - what can I do?
A: Start with something and work your way up. But, to be honest -
you'll probably never do it, and this is a form of NON-coping.
Q: Why else, Cpt.? You sound SO SURE about this.
A: Because LET'S IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITY THEY LIKE YOU BACK AND ARE JUST AS TIMID WITH THEIR HUMAN EMOTIONS. OOOH. What now?
Q: Well, Cpt. good chap, I don't know.
A: They'll do what you do - NON-coping. Doing nothing to cope with the anxiety of having done something. Fear of success and happiness - comfortability in the repititious cycle of compromising for nothing or close to it by accepting a lot less than we all deserve.
Q: So what does that mean?
A: Nothing ever came of it and you only have yourself to blame. But blame never got us anywhere, so just do what I'm telling you to do and see how it works out.
Q: How? Didn't they also non-cope too? Stop blaming me Cpt.!
A: I'm not blaming you; YOU are blaming you. And here's why. Someone has to make the first move, unless by RARE AND RANDOM coincidence it happens simultaneously. So, be the BRAVE ONE. Be the CONFIDENT ONE. There's NOTHING to be gained by holding back.
Q: So, why do I trust YOU, Cpt.? What if...? and What if...? But what if...? And finally, what if what if's lead to random patterns and I would have been happier with my non-coping?
A: Sure, maybe 1% of the human population is asexual and would like to be celibate, alone, lonely, isolated, foreveralone.jpg. That is NOT YOU. You are not the 1%. If you're the 1% in terms of a lot of things... oh I don't know, let's say WEALTH. If you have like 6, 7, or more figures in your bank account, and you REALLY believe you would be happier FOREVERALONE.JPG face every night, then MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. If you're like me... you are NOT THE 1% in the relationship/sex sense. So, honestly, to believe you would be happier with non-coping is like to say I would be happy without happiness, alive without life, as if that makes sense. It doesn't. You'll make yourself believe all sorts of contradictary bullshit.
Q: Why would that happen? Now that you state it logically I see why I should make a move - but why does my mind do this, Cpt.? Any insight?
A: Some people fear rejection; I don't. Some people fear success; I don't. Some people fear failure; I don't. I'd rather try for success and fail - and keep trying - until I succeed. At the end of life will you tell yourself... "I never tried hence I never failed, nor did I ever succeed! Paradoxically, I'm such a success story!" - yeah, you might. But that would be the most severe form of denial I have ever tried to contrive as an example.
Q: That doesn't explain my WHY, Cpt!
A: Oh, yes, that. WHY does the mind try to excuse itself out of making an option? Procrastination is an illusion - in the sense that it relieves or alleviates anxiety. It does not. It's a DISTRACTION. I could use drugs, ignore my thoughts and feelings ALL DAY LONG, or just be in denial about how I think and feel... but in the long run, it does not alleviate my anxiety. I am doing these things WHILE I am anxious and the idea it alleviates anxiety is A LIE I PERPETUATE IN MY OWN MIND - just because I like having an excuse for being a consistent dysfunctional person. "I don't have to do anything" is a true statement. Sad but true.
Q: So... well, that was harsh. So why does this anxiety about the nature of this EXIST, Cpt.? Maybe after you tell us this, we will forget your last answer and see full circle...
A: Thanks for reminding me. Now, you cannot beat yourself up about this type of anxiety. You REALLY shouldn't. Here's why. We are all human. We all are evolving together. Part of human evolution is a lot of positive feedback loop type things - why we do things repititiously that make us feel good, such as food, sex, drugs - food and sex obviously are biological imperatives. Drugs "can be", like how some people need insulin because they're diabetics. Drugs like opiates (specifically opiates) directly interact with the part of the brain that causes you to feel "in love". An example is how a lot of heroin users PERSONIFY heroin as a man or woman, and feel they are "in a relationship" with heroin, that heroin "wears the pants", whatever. WHAT IS THE BASE ROOT OF ALL OF THESE THINGS? Biological imperatives to
feel loved. If I don't like feeling loved from people, because they are abusive, or I have social anxiety, or both... or a myriad of other mental health problems and/or biological problems... I can feel love from using heroin. Of course, in saying this, I DO NOT ENCOURAGE ANYONE to do that in order to feel loved. That's the worse thing in the world to do to yourself because it will really fuck up your life. Relationships with people are way healthier - though parts of them can fuck up your life, it takes two to tango. Did anyone die directly from tangoing? Well, the people that did probably would have died from walking or something anyways... and that's the general nature of what I'm getting at. If you suck SO BAD with other people anyone in their right mind would kill you, then you would probably also overdose with heroin in the first week of using. I hate to say that, I really do, but it's true. FOR THAT REASON ALONE - I encourage everyone to BE BRAVE and to make the first move, seeing as half of us (as a global population, in only one-on-one relationships - ignoring triads/groups for example only) are NOT going to make the first move anyways, and possibly never will!
Q: So that's why I get butterflies in my stomach? My subconscious mind is like "don't fuck this up! I need to pass on my DNA!" - is that the idea you were purporting, Cpt.?
A: Yes, of course. Even if you're gay, sex isn't about making babies. It's about feeling good. And the feeling good can lead to having kids. Let's say you're AN INFERTILE HETEROSEXUAL. You still want sex - why? EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGICAL PROCESSES. Why would you want to have sex with a condom? Because sex is fun - it's not about having kids, right? Exactly. The subconscious mental desires I know I have, and the conscious knowledge of the world, myself, etc. - they don't intertwine
at all. I can see both sides of the fence, but nothing's jumping sides - for a reason.
Q: Oh, why Cpt., what would that reason be?
A: We don't live to reproduce; we live to enjoy
ourselves - and you can tell me that my meaning of life interpretation is WRONG all you want to. But, deal with it, you would only argue against this if you are not fully enjoying your life already. You could technically weigh other meanings of life
with this, but you can't discount it
at all. You enjoying yourself is important to other people and I could explain how and why, but it doesn't matter. I couldn't convince depressed people of this, so either you'd believe me, or you wouldn't. The explanation of that doesn't matter. What matters is you read ALL OF THIS, and still didn't make a move. GO MAKE A MOVE.
extra answers...
A1: Continued; "what if...?" ... what if you GET A DATE TONIGHT, or fuck in minutes? Enjoy!
A2: Continued; "what if...?" ... what if you GET REJECTED? Enjoy! You made A CHANGE. Keep trying until A1 occurs. A2 gives you experience so that A1 happens! You wouldn't want to have no idea how to truly enjoy A1 when it happens. If A1 immediately happens - then you're in luck and did not need prior life experience to fully embrace. And if A2 happens, it's not to say you NEEDED that to happen... but rejection shouldn't hurt. It only hurts when you aren't brave enough to keep trying. And if you know you're not brave enough to keep trying, then you weren't brave enough to try in the frist place, and hence you weren't really trying. You should also feel good about rejection for other reasons; such as... if someone didn't try, they surely didn't get laid. You tried. You could try 20 times with 20 different people rather quickly. Your chance of success is 20 times that of someone who tried once - and INFINITELY GREATER than someone who NEVER TRIED. Do you see what I mean? - ANOTHER way to think of this; don't be afraid of drug withdrawal. You relapse or you don't - there's nothing to fear in relapsing if you're ALREADY USING! That's the greatest part of trying to and actually succeeding at getting clean. Falling off the wagon does NOT hurt as bad as already being off the wagon. Your ass is still in the dust and you're still ALONE, whereas everyone else is on the wagon together (so to speak). You fall off the wagon with someone else - the dust gets kicked up and you're alone again in no time as friends start overdosing and dying, or imprisoned, or mentally crack and lose their minds, or jump back on the wgaon without you (not so to speak... that's quite literal).
A3: Continued; "what if...?" ... what if there is a negative consequence? Your negative consequence was keeping this inside to yourself. If someone ostracizes you for hitting on them, it's about the same because you'd be ostracizing yourself for doing nothing anyways. And hell, if you're not, then I choose to ostracize you for your non-coping. There. So you'll feel bad no matter what!
Q: Why am I going to feel bad, no matter what?
A: Honestly, because if you feel ANYTHING AT ALL, you will feel it all; both good and bad. You can't just be one or the other. In fact, don't tune out your suffering. This is the biggest mistake everyone makes. I would get into the "why" in that, but it focuses on the self too much, and I've already derailed this for too long. SO GO MAKE YOUR MOVE!!!!
