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Fallin out of love

BabyGurl3171

BabyGurl3171

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May 25, 2010
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In my mind. The choices are many, the consequences
I wasn't gonna post, I'm not really the "talk your problems out" kinda person, but I need some advice..
Do you believe in fallin out of love? Then again, maybe I wasn't in love. We dove VERY fast into our relationship, both less than a year after his wife left him and I left my husband. (not for each other, mine was abusive & cheated..). So I wonder if I'm fallin out of love or if this was a rebound.. Hmm..
Anyway, I want to leave & start over without him but..
Reason 1 this seems impossible: I can't leave our county bc of probation.
2. I have a 9 yr old that needs daycare & a 15 yr old who also needs daycare due to Autism. I'm havin a hard time findin daycare for the teen.. Sucks livin in a small place.
3. I have a felony now and findin work is like, I dunno, scorin free drugs! Not gonna happen :(
All family that got me outta my house & away from my husband before live outta county. And I was workin at Walmart makin decent money shortly after.
I dunno. I really don't think I can stay with him. I can't even stand him touchin me.
And yes, this one was physically abusive but now is emotionally abusive, IMO.
I just feel so stuck.. Hope this made sense.
 
Hey, sucks to hear things haven't gotten better for you since our last chat :(

You're in such a tough spot right now, but you'll get through it all. If he is abusive like you've described, it's really best for both you and your kids if you get out of there asap IMHO. Even if he's okay with them, by hurting you mentally like he is stops you from being happy sometimes, and kids know when we're unhappy. I know it's hard, but I think focusing on moving in to your own place with your kids is probably your best bet. If you can't even stand him touching you, don't put yourself through it - get out. You deserve better than that shit anyway!

I know you had trouble when you got your mother to help out with your kids, is there anyone else that could? Just to give you a bit of time to focus on yourself, you've got so much going on - it must be really hard to cope with. You're doing a great job though, and you've done so much for your kids. With your teenager, isn't there services to help get him get into a care program? If not, there should be!

Employment is hard with a felony, but not impossible. Keep trying!

To answer your question: I don't think you've fallen out of love, I think you've realised that you deserve a lot better and you're now ready to go and find it.

You'll get there <3
 
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Thanks Mel!
I didn't even think of callin her DD (formerly MRDD) advocate! Duh! They offer respite care, perhaps they have something she can attend durin the days.
I don't really have anyone to take the girls temp, but really it's just the sitter/work thing. I think I need my girls around durin the transition. They gave me the strength to keep on goin when I finally left my husband.
I'm actually excited about bein "free" again and bein independent! I hate feelin dependent on another..
 
64tf said:
Hopefully you can get things straighted out. It's not fair to him to stay out of need.
Click to expand...

I know.. But anytime I even try talkin bout how our relationship has changed, and not for the better, I get a lecture/guilt trip..
"I moved all the way up here for you and left everyone".. Don't recall askin him to make that choice!
Then there is the famous "can't go on/won't go on w/out you".
And other random things to guilt me.
Honestly, I feel like I'm still with him bc I feel guilty as hell just leavin him & he really doesn't have friends up here.
 
He'll get over it. Better to get is taken care of now so he can move on. I think you're rationalizing your behavior.
 
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