Hi Dante...
Firstly, we'd like to say how sorry we are for the devastating news you've received.
Sadly, we can completely relate to how you're feeling...
We went through this last year with S's dad. He was suffering pain in the kidney area, and an operation revealed that he had an aggressive form of lymphoma, and that radiation/chemo would have no effect. We moved our wedding forward and got married on the 9th March so George could be there. After the wedding, his health declined at an alarming rate.
On Wednesday, his dad passed away, having euthanased himself after receiving terrible news from the doctor that he wouldn't see out two weeks
. Tests showed that he was suffering from renal failure (being a diabetic, this was certainly not a good thing). He was already in excruciating pain and that would have increased to an intolerable amount...the amount of pain killers he would need would leave him in a vegetative state as well...that's not quality of life...that's merely an existence.
Before we go on, we'd like to state that we both agree entirely with his decision. I haven't used the word suicide, because i believe that term doesn't apply here. We'd also appreciate if people held off on the judgement calls, thanks. It was his decision...in life, everything was on George's terms, death wasn't anything different.
As you can imagine, we are both numb at the moment. Initially, s was very angry, as he wanted one last chance to hug his dad and say goodbye, but he knows that it would have only been harder had he have known what George was going to do. Deep down inside, he knows that his dad is at peace. S saw his dad just after it happened, and one thing he told me was that his dad looked so peaceful.
All we can say is to REALLY appreciate every minute...no every SECOND that you have with your dad, tell him everything you've ever wanted to tell him, but thought "no, there'll still be time"...there aren't any words to offer you, as everyone reacts differently. Now is the time for you to be strong for your dad...having said that, talk to him about how you're feeling, but don't dwell on the future, appreciate the present. Create awesome memories with your family. If you have a video recorder, make short films of your family get togethers. We know that whenever you think about your dad not being there, a tight, horrible ball forms in your stomach and it feels as though you're about to lose control...we've been there. The only piece of advice we can give regarding that, is to talk to your dad, or your mum, or your brothers and sisters, and know you're not alone. Also, when you think there are no more tears, more will fall. Have someone to talk to, sound out those feelings....don't bottle them up. You have a right to those emotions, it's not wrong to feel them - but don't let them consume you.
Everyone's situation is different. We, unfortunately, only had a short time with George from diagnosis to death, we hope from the BOTTOM of our hearts that you have as much time with your dad as possible...Our time is now going to be spent giving all the love and support to S's mum that we can.
If you'd like to chat, PM us, and we'll give you our MSN and primary email. Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble, my head is still a bit mashy from the last couple of days...
much love to you and your family.
S & K.
