Extreme anxiety about buying drugs online esp on darknet. So bad that I have to cancel orders if I manage to go through with them

[eoafioae]

I have made orders in the past and was horrible then too but it has gotten even worse now.

Last time I actually made an order on dnm I had insomnia for 2 nights then when it arrived on the 3rd night I threw it away feeling like I was in a fight with satan herself.

Ironic because the drugs I want to order are anxiolytics it is just my generalized anxiety is so bad that I am almost having a mental breakdown and am unable to bring myself to order from this evil web.

I even get it for ordering on clearnet, just maybe one or two notches down from dnm order level anxiety. My mind is just fucked, feel so trapped by anxiety. It won't let me try things that would likely be a huge relief just because they are out of my normal comfort zone.

Don't know how to work around this huge beast.

There is no real object of the anxiety just huge waves of fear and anxiety surging at doing anything outside my usual routine.

It sucks as the anxiety makes me feel so trapped and I am too scared to order something which may really help me.

You will probably say see a doctor but I am scared of that too. I have anxiety about everything. No real object to it just anything that would be different than my tiny little sphere I get anxiety kicking like a mule.

Kratom when I first tried it was like this too, which was probably over 7 years ago. I somehow managed to take an active dose with a huge battle with myself but it became a trusty ally for years. Unfortunately do to fast tolerance it builds it is not that effective. But it shows that self-medicating has positive results I am just so fucking scared, even of my own shadow.

 

[Atomic_Decay]

Most research suggests non-pharma/non-drug treatments for anxiety are way more effective anyway - so you are probably lucky. Talk to a therapist on a phone counselling service if that is less frightening than seeing a doctor in person, get some regular exercise, structure your life, get some hobbies, look into Cognitive Behavioural and related therapies that help you change the way you think.

 

[acklac7]

Not sure what country you're from, but I ordered personal drugs (Meth) from the Darknet whilist under the investigation of any number of local/federal agencies (USA) for months without issue. The only thing that wound up happening was getting my Cash-App account banned. Not sure if that helps any.

 

[Joey]

I think this subject is a little tricky to offer advice on considering we have some rule or two on not discussion both sourcing and dnm… but I wonder why don’t you talk to your doctor about this level of anxiety? Maybe not this situation, exactly. But something to the effect that even going to the store makes you so nervous you can’t buy what you need? Has your doctor cut you off, or you are in some situation otherwise to say you can’t get anxiolytics? Is your habit kind of heavy and you’re just well over what’s prescribed?

Maybe regular old medicine can solve this. Otherwise you’re going to have to figure out street or a way to feel better about making dnm purchases.

 

[plumbus-nine]

Yeah, first I know this sort of anxiety, it wasn't so bad with just drugs for me but when I had some stupid thoughts of dabbling with other, harder stuff they happen to sell too on DNMs (and of which most probably are just rip-offs) and I happened to have such thought play mainly whilst high, then when coming down or the next day(s) I had some pretty strong anxiety/sad/hopelessness attacks. Which were easily resolved by, you guess it, a next dose of dissociatives. For me, dissociatives can be even stronger anxiolytics than benzodiazepines but they're very different and while there's little to no physical addiction, there're definitive risks one need to know about. Like mania, bladder damage (this one gives warning signs before it becomes really bad though), and compulsive use (what you get with almost any anxiolytic substance).

But as others already said, if you get symptoms like these not just isolated to illegal things and it becomes an obstacle then the prescription of some psych drugs is qualified. Specially when you're already self-medicating and get good results with that over a longer time span - just that docs see this point a bit differently.

Depending on the doc, they will use a benzodiazepine, an antidepressant or (the worst option, imho) antipsychotics. All have different pros and cons. Then we have pregabalin or its predecessor gabapentin, and the more exotic one, memantine. Don't worry about it being only licensed against Alzheimer's, if your doc is willing to try, it has some research about use as an anxiolytic and for me it works better than pregabalin, and is non-addictive so far (has a little rebound when used for longer times but nowhere as bad as benzos or for some [I don't get it much, but we have many reports here] pregabalin/gabapentin.

If it's mainly the drugs, then - I know it's not the best recommendation, and needs to be evaluated carefully but I'd say somebody who knows how to use DNMs, should be able to handle them - use legal so-called research chemicals, mostly analogues of illegal drugs or stuff out of medicinal research, the last years we saw an ever-increasing amount of products available and as long as you know and oblige to your local laws, they can be fully legal. Some countries still seize them, but there's no punishment. Other countries don't care and just forward the mail. The USA unfortunately has analogue laws which make the situation more difficult, Idk whether it's allowed to evaluate this topic more, feel free to delete if not of course.
Since I switched to RCs only, I'm certainly more relaxed about this topic.

 

[JTemperance]

it wasn't so bad with just drugs for me but when I had some stupid thoughts of dabbling with other, harder stuff they happen to sell too on DNMs (and of which most probably are just rip-offs)

Like what, for instance? That sounds kind of ominous to me... Do you mean weapons, mostly?

 

[Atomic_Decay]

@plumbus-nine I don’t know which dissociative you are referring to when you mention bladder damage - but if you are talking about ketamine let me tell you this…

Allthough all of the literature talks about the dangers of long term use on on your bladder/urinary tract, I only ever used a couple of grams over a month or so. Soon afterwards I developed all the symptoms of cystitis or a UTI but urine/blood tests showed zero infection and antibiotics didn’t improve it all.

When I went to a urologist and told him about my brief ket use he said he felt 90 % sure that was the cause and basically begged me to never touch it again if I wanted a happy pain free urinary tract. I never will.