Experienced user with persisting side effects, need help identifying

[sql5mut]

Experienced user with persisting side effects, need help

Just noticed there was a section for this here:

I'm a fairly experienced user of hallucinogenic drugs, also I have an academic background in psychology and cognitive science at the graduate level. I've successfully used mushrooms and LSD (confirmed it was) with great results and very little persisting side effects in the past.

Recently, I've taken two trips on the same batch of stuff that was dissimilar to any other I've experienced.

Differences:

During:
-1 tab, no effect, 2 tabs onset of effects (spaced well apart, no activation with first dose)
-Higher rate of generalized anxiety
-Cardiac irregularities during trip
-Trip ended after 3-4 hours tops

After:
-PTSD symptoms
-HPPD symptoms (persisting hallucinations)
-Generalized anxiety disorder
-Severe acute anxiety induced by stimulants (coffee, green tea- even in low to moderate dose)
-Lucid dreaming
-What feels like cardiac irregularities, could be anxiety

My last trip was 18 days ago, I also tripped 2 weeks prior to that occurrence with similar side effects.

I am a graduate student under stress so that will play a part but not to this extent. Can I get any help in identifying what the substance could have been? It was on traditional blotter.

I've tripped a total of 5 times in the last 5 months, pretty well spaced. The 2nd most recent trip was intense: girl I'd been dating told me she was married, and she was abused. Most recent trip was at an awesome underground rave with my best friends. Intense side effects came after that 2nd most recent trip (what I'd consider 'bad' if there was such a thing)

 

[Legerity]

It sounds to me like you have not yet fully processed the difficult trip that you had. In my opinion, these kinds of trips are the ones you can learn the most from. An issue was brought to surface that otherwise may not have been addressed. This can be a positive thing if you are willing to examine it.

Difficult experiences are part of tripping, that's partly why they also offer the potential for growth.

I would just recommend not getting caught in the belief that this is some permanent damage you've done to your brain. It is psychological, and it can be addressed if you figure out what exactly is causing it.

All the best

 

[passionatlycurious]

Hey man I feel I can relate to you in a way. I had some difficult trips that afterwards left me embarrassed and my immediate reaction was denial that it ever happened. As time went by and denial was not working I finally realized that I was being foolish to not address what happened. I still have not fully integrated my experiences, and still go through periods of confusion, frustration, and sadness. The best thing I have been able to do is be honest with myself. Comparison I thought of: young kid goes fishing with his dad, and his dad asks the the kid if he would like help tying the lure. Hoping to not appear ignorant, the kid says, "No, I can do it." Although in reality, the kid is ignorant, and just accepting help would be the best course of action. Not sure if this pertains to you; but for me, I feel like I have two options. I could try to convince myself that there is no problem and make myself feel less vulnerable and weak. Or I could accept my vulnerability and ignorance, and once this is accepted, I can actually move forward and better myself.

Not trying to say I know what you should do or what happened to you but I figured writing out some things that have helped me could 1) Help you relate to someone experiencing similar anxieties and 2) Help me get my thoughts out to someone

 

[Ixchellian]

unfortunately there's not much you can do to identify a street substance; save a DanceSafe-type test-kit, or to send it to a lab.... and even then, it'll take some effort and time on their part, if it's even possible.

therein lies a big problem with street psychedelics, especially nowadays with so many weird synthetic analogues out there.

 

[sql5mut]

Is persisting anxiety frequent after 2/3 weeks after last use? Do you think 5 trips in 5 months is a lot of use?

 

[passionatlycurious]

My anxiety has lasted many months past my last use. i think this is from failure to integrate my experience. I do not think it is frequent though, as I can not find many people to relate to. I think this is because the LSD leaves your system in a matter of days (or so I've heard), so the remaining anxiety I have is because I have not fully accepted/confronted what happened, leading me to re-experience what happened. It does not leave an impression because of the drug, but because the experience itself was traumatic. The experience you had is over, but it obviously left an impression on you strong enough to cause you to relive it on a daily basis. For a long time this annoyed the shit out of me but I'm glad it happened because if it had not stuck with me I would not be able to learn/grow from it now. And personally I don't think 5 trips in 5 months is a lot at all, I know many people who trip WAY more frequently than that and they are some of the happiest and positive people I know.

 

[Ixchellian]

Did you have any prexisting anxiety issues before taking LSD or psychedelics?

 

[passionatlycurious]

Did you have any prexisting anxiety issues before taking LSD or psychedelics?

Kind of but not the same. Before, any anxiety I had would be based on things that I now find laughable. I had a big desire to be popular, and something embarrassing like getting made fun of or losing the girl I thought I was in love with was always upsetting. I was unable to be grateful for the good things in my life and constantly chased material desires; thinking that being the funniest kid in school, or getting the hottest girl, or being the smartest would lead me to be happy. So basically, my anxiety derived from a lot of things that were out of my control. I often stressed about what I did not have, when I should have been thankful for what I do have.

When I began smoking pot I would stop worrying about things of that nature and while high I realized that those things were not important enough to stress about. I still remained very selfish about it and thought of myself as better than most by being able to realize this. The more I smoked the more I developed a case of the fuck its and began to not worry about important things, such as school, a good relationship with my family, and the well being of my peers/friends/loved ones.

After I began using psychedelics I was still fairly cocky and on my high horse from the realizations that I was having, thinking that I was becoming enlightened and that the rest of the world was ignorant.

With more use I began to realize, what seemed at the time, a disturbing thought to me. The thought that maybe I'm not better than everyone else. My early anxiety was derived from me believing that I was not as good as others, thus leading me to compensate by trying to be the best at everything. So once I realized that chasing those desires is trivial, I was quick to think of myself as better than everyone else because that was the feeling I had been longing for for so long.

The problem was that believing I'm better than someone is just as harmful as believing I'm worse than someone. Psychedelics helped me discover how important equality is. I became aware of my ignorance, and learned that by thinking others were more ignorant than me, I was actually proving that I am indeed very ignorant. It's like when Socrates went to trial in front of all the most respected men in Athens for corrupting the youth and said, "I am the wisest man in this room, because I know that I am not wise."

So after one of my difficult experiences, I was not eager to loose the sense of *coolness* I had developed in the recent years. I tried to fight it and tried to convince myself that I actually was better than everyone else. Looking back this is just a testament to my narcisism. I feel that I had learned that we are all equal, and that I should focus my talents on loving and helping others, rather than solely myself. I tried to forget this because I wanted to feel important, but it is impossible to unlearn something, so trying to unlearn it led to my anxiety.

Sorry if this was really long, I just wanted to try and paint a picture of how my anxiety developed. I still have anxiety from it, because I repressed things for so long that it does not all just come back immediately. Each day gets better, however, by continually focusing on humbling and improving myself. The best thing I can do is to actually believe that what happened to me was a good thing, and now I am actually thankful that it happened, when before I dreaded it and felt victimized. Although I may have been the victim, I see now that I was also the culprit.

I have no idea if your anxiety relates to this at all, but I figured since there is no way I could find the source of your anxiety, maybe sharing my story could help you find the source. I hope something here helps you out, but if not, at least I got clear my head a little more by writing this out haha.

To sum this up, my anxiety before psychedelics revolved around unimportant/material wants and desires. My anxiety after psychedelics revolved around my unwillingness to accept the nature of my character.

 

[sql5mut]

Did you have any prexisting anxiety issues before taking LSD or psychedelics?

not sure at the directedness of your question but yes. Graduate school is extremely stressful and especially the area I study (pure mathematics, mathematical logic, cognition, the mind, etc). I spend 18 hours a day thinking about thinking.

 

[Ixchellian]

not sure at the directedness of your question but yes. Graduate school is extremely stressful and especially the area I study (pure mathematics, mathematical logic, cognition, the mind, etc). I spend 18 hours a day thinking about thinking.

Then yeah, I'd say there's pre-existing anxiety/stress there.

I was meaning more along the lines of panic-attacks, etc.

You'll be cool..... try not to think about it so much. Psychedelics isn't like banging out a crazy new mathematical proof. %)

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It's possible to have PTSD-like problems from having a bad trip alone, although I don't think it's very common, and will likely correct over time.

It could be that you had blotter which had a DO_ on it instead of actual LSD, which is probably what happened in my opinion. If it was in fact LSD, you might have just had a bad experience with it.

 

[Ixchellian]

It's possible to have PTSD-like problems from having a bad trip alone, although I don't think it's very common, and will likely correct over time.

I've only ever seen it happen with someone who completely lost it, and who was a jumpy/nervous person to begin with.
I got called to go get the guy down from on top of a huge speaker stack at a rave, before security did..... he ate waaay too much LSD his first time, in a really unfamiliar setting, and was pretty much left to his own devices. After that, for months he'd jump at the sight of any thick electrical conduits..... something about snakes.
He got better within a year, though.

It could be that you had blotter which had a DO_ on it instead of actual LSD, which is probably what happened in my opinion.

This is my guess.... many RC's are being passed as LSD and mescaline a lot nowadays.