Optioidmistic182
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2021
- Messages
- 4
I relapsed after a good period of abstinence and was quickly more desperate and hopeless than ever about two years ago. I was never into the idea of ORT (opioid replacement therapy). This time it seemed I had no choice. To keep my life together and moving forward I surrendered to Suboxone treatment.
Now I’m in a weird place. The Subxone side effects have been pretty negligible until now, where I am sleeping way too much. That’s causing me some distress. I get out of bed frustrated and sad for having slept ~12-14 hours. I struggle with really knowing if I want to chance getting off of ORT.
I question whether or not I’d be happier going to Methadone. Suboxone rarely did much more than make me feel normal. The glee of that normalcy wore off fast. I can’t lie--I do still get something of a boost out of it. Part of my surrendering to ORT in the first place was a kind of conceding that I am happier to just take the opioids… but it doesn’t and isn’t a full agonist, so..
I’m not certain I want to give up the freedom that comes with Suboxone, and being much more like a normal patient that visits the doctor once a month, but I am thinking… does methadone--even after you stabilize over the months/years--provide you that satisfaction you need? Can you compare a length of time on Suboxone to Methadone?
I can’t really say I’m sure that the Suboxone is worth the idea that I am still shackled to a substance.
I feel like I need a change even if it’s something as stupid as shifting gears in my ORT. You don’t have to tell me how stupid that is. I’m aware this doesn’t exactly seem logical. I’m not sure I can or want to go abstinent again. If I were to muscle up to that idea I think I’d need to go away to a very luxurious treatment program. I’m not good at suffering in my own environment. I don’t know if I’d be able to commit to that though.
I started out so productive on Suboxone. I was chasing my passions and dreams vigorously. Something like a malaise has set in now. I have been trying to take less, but then I just feel depressed. Isn’t that great. I am beginning to feel the old familiar cycle in a way.
So yeah. I felt like I needed to start a sort of dialogue about my concerns. Thanks. Yes, I have a counselor, and he’s good, but I’ve yet to have a counselor that will actually have a conversation like this where it could put them at risk if they don’t say the right things that just keep you stable, y’know?
Side note… are there any unconventional treatment/detox centers I could consider that actually care to make you quasi-comfortable while you go through hell? I truly respect the 12 step program, but the culture doesn’t jive with me. I have the same repulsion to it that I do with church. Its a no-go for me. I’ve had several experiences while trying to force it that it served to bring me back down.
Now I’m in a weird place. The Subxone side effects have been pretty negligible until now, where I am sleeping way too much. That’s causing me some distress. I get out of bed frustrated and sad for having slept ~12-14 hours. I struggle with really knowing if I want to chance getting off of ORT.
I question whether or not I’d be happier going to Methadone. Suboxone rarely did much more than make me feel normal. The glee of that normalcy wore off fast. I can’t lie--I do still get something of a boost out of it. Part of my surrendering to ORT in the first place was a kind of conceding that I am happier to just take the opioids… but it doesn’t and isn’t a full agonist, so..
I’m not certain I want to give up the freedom that comes with Suboxone, and being much more like a normal patient that visits the doctor once a month, but I am thinking… does methadone--even after you stabilize over the months/years--provide you that satisfaction you need? Can you compare a length of time on Suboxone to Methadone?
I can’t really say I’m sure that the Suboxone is worth the idea that I am still shackled to a substance.
I feel like I need a change even if it’s something as stupid as shifting gears in my ORT. You don’t have to tell me how stupid that is. I’m aware this doesn’t exactly seem logical. I’m not sure I can or want to go abstinent again. If I were to muscle up to that idea I think I’d need to go away to a very luxurious treatment program. I’m not good at suffering in my own environment. I don’t know if I’d be able to commit to that though.
I started out so productive on Suboxone. I was chasing my passions and dreams vigorously. Something like a malaise has set in now. I have been trying to take less, but then I just feel depressed. Isn’t that great. I am beginning to feel the old familiar cycle in a way.
So yeah. I felt like I needed to start a sort of dialogue about my concerns. Thanks. Yes, I have a counselor, and he’s good, but I’ve yet to have a counselor that will actually have a conversation like this where it could put them at risk if they don’t say the right things that just keep you stable, y’know?
Side note… are there any unconventional treatment/detox centers I could consider that actually care to make you quasi-comfortable while you go through hell? I truly respect the 12 step program, but the culture doesn’t jive with me. I have the same repulsion to it that I do with church. Its a no-go for me. I’ve had several experiences while trying to force it that it served to bring me back down.