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Experience with anti-depressants?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Flogarithmic +1
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Flogarithmic +1

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Hi y'all.

This isn't a request for a diagnosis, I fully intend to talk to a medical practitioner about my problems, but I wouldn't to get a bit of background on other peoples experiences; what worked for them, what didn't work, why it worked etc. before I go leaping into the abyss

I've always resisted AD's, especially of the SSRI kind, but my life has gotten so shit that I'm prepared to give them a whirl.

Basically, I have very low-esteem, I hate myself to put it bluntly, I know on an intellectual level that I am a good person that people seem to like, but my psychological state makes me despise who I am. I've developed a very ingrained thought pattern over the years where anything introspective that passes through my head causes me to tell myself that I a hate me and that I am worthless. Ever since I can remember I've had suicidal thoughts, it's almost habitual, an embarrassing thought surfaces and my first reaction is "I wish I was dead", "I should kill myself", "I don't deserve to live, I'm worthless", it's not anything that I would act on but I just can't break out of those thought patterns. Whenever things get too much, even little things that normal, functioning human being should be able to cope with, even brush aside without concern, it triggers this emotional response. I don't think I have any good memories, at least any memory i have is tinged with an intense negativity - for instance, I spent a year backpacking a few years back, an experience that should be the best of my life (and it was) but I can't look back on it with any sort of fondness or positivity. Every memory triggers a response where I nearly physically cringe and tell myself that I hate myself, that I wasted my experience, basically that I'm a shit cunt and I should kill myself. It is such a strong reaction that I actually blurt it out. I don't think a day goes by where I don't actually say out loud to myself "I wish I was dead" It gets to the point where i almost want to kill myself just so I don't have to put up with this constant negativity all the time. It's driving me crazy and slowly but surely killing me.

A bit of background, my family broke up when I was about 10 or 11, I started smoking pot at 12 and progressed into ecstasy and amps by 18, when I was in my early to mid twenties I started out hitting the shards of crystal meth pretty hard for a few years, then my life spiralled out of control. I kicked the amps eventually, have only touched them a few times in the last 3 years or so and while I think I've improved in some respects this problem, which has always been there before I used drugs, they just amplified it, seems to get worse.

So, I dunno whether that rant is helpful or not but I guess the point of this thread is to get a feel for what AD's others have experience with, whether or not it helped, what were the postivie and negative consequences, and, if possible, what in your opinion (dear reader) AD's would suit a personality like mine?

Any help would be much appreciated.
 
No replies? I'd be interested to hear people's experiences, positive and negative, so I can get a feel for what I'm in for.
 
Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, but I play one on Bluelight.
It will take about a week or two but after a time you will feel markedly better and more confident, at least with Prozac, the 'classic' one. Not high, but feeling better. All the SSRIs are similar in the way all benzos are similar. There will seem to be a checkvalve in your brain to shut off negative feeling when it reaches a certain level, a floor to how depressed you can feel. The sweetness of emotion will be blunted somewhat as well. Be careful with plasma level and half lives as improper titration can lead to mania or sero-syndrom. It seems your problem is more your circumstances than raw brain chemistry. Prozac will help stabilize you enough to get the therapy you really need for a permenent solution. All drugs create tolerance to their intended effect, so eventually the depression will break through if you don't address your under lying issues of unworthiness and abandonment that stem from the break up of your childhood home. You are not worthless, everyone has intrinsic value.
 
Thanks for that.

Question though, what does this mean (sorry for my ignorance) "Be careful with plasma level and half lives as improper titration can lead to mania or sero-syndrom", I undertsnad sero-syndrome but not much else?
 
I used to REALLY abuse MDMA, like think nothing of tipping half a gram into a glass of vodka nad knocking it back, and binging on multiple repeated doses over days and says without sleep, so my serotonin receptors must be pretty screwed. Do AD's help in that respect.

And what about different types of AD's, I know of SSRI's but are there other classes that would help me?
 
i'd also like to know something about other classes than SSRIs. im on highest level of paroxetine which is 60mg per day. it worked very well the first few weeks but then it either stopped working or i just can't "feel" it anymore.
 
SSRIs do more harm than good. I hear good things about Lexapro, but I do not use it myself nor have I ever used any SSRIs.

You want a psychedelic, some people turn crazy, but most people come out knowing themselves better. DMT helped me. It gives a permanent afterglow, something that tells you I connected with myself, and it has a permanent 'weirdening' effect, where you can understand energy more.

Speed helps in the short term. If you abused MDMA though, you're gonna have a hard time controlling yourself, so this is a bad idea for you probably. If you can control yourself though, this is what keeps me pretty happy.
 
SSRIs get a lot of hate, primarily from people who don't understand the medicine themselves, and those who don't understand depression. Depression has a proven genetic basis. This fact is true for all types of depression - sometimes the genes that presdispose you to depression can induce it spontaneously, whereas other times there can be an emotional trigger. Regardless of how it was induced, SSRIs can correct balances of neurochemicals, and I've had very personal experience in seeing them work exactly how they're supposed to and cure depression, of course this won't work for everyone, and some SSRIs do have terrible withdrawals. However, I highly reccomend Prozac, as the effects are subtle and help a lot of people whereas the side effects/withdrawals aren't as bad as other SSRIs.
 
The hate is well chosen.

Why should the depressed have to wait for their treatment to work?
With so many side effects, why wait a few weeks to see if it works before you find out it does or doesn't? When it doesn't you may have to taper down or face withdrawals. Oftentimes if you don't take it for a day or so, you face withdrawals. It may cause idealization of suicide. These effects are undesirable.

The same way a psychiatrist/consoler will tell you they need time to fix you, the time delay is worthless. Ever been to one and find out that you're wasting your time and money? I have. several times. Medicine that works the same way shouldn't be advocated in my opinion.

Certainly they work for some people, but if you're already depressed you want to be treated. You want to be better. And you want it as soon as possible. There are better medications to do that at least in my opinion.

Resistant depression can be treated with X, while SSRIs do nothing. That is reason alone that I believe an instant treatment plan is better than one that is dependent on the medication for life, one that may take weeks to work, a crucial time in a depressed person's life.
 
Try looking at the different classes of anti-depressants, TCAs and TeCAs. MOAI's are very good anti-depressants but they have severe drawbacks, but they are highly effective.

Trying SSRIs and SNRIs first is a good way to test the waters. But alot of SNRIs have very bad withdrawal symptoms so taking doses regularly is important.
 
Depressicaa said:
The hate is well chosen.

Why should the depressed have to wait for their treatment to work?
With so many side effects, why wait a few weeks to see if it works before you find out it does or doesn't? When it doesn't you may have to taper down or face withdrawals. Oftentimes if you don't take it for a day or so, you face withdrawals. It may cause idealization of suicide. These effects are undesirable.

The same way a psychiatrist/consoler will tell you they need time to fix you, the time delay is worthless. Ever been to one and find out that you're wasting your time and money? I have. several times. Medicine that works the same way shouldn't be advocated in my opinion.

Certainly they work for some people, but if you're already depressed you want to be treated. You want to be better. And you want it as soon as possible. There are better medications to do that at least in my opinion.

Resistant depression can be treated with X, while SSRIs do nothing. That is reason alone that I believe an instant treatment plan is better than one that is dependent on the medication for life, one that may take weeks to work, a crucial time in a depressed person's life.
Click to expand...

If I wanted to treat myself with MDMA or DMT I would have strted a thread on those drugs, kthxbye :)
 
I haven't had much luck with anti-depressants, unfortunately.

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was about 13 years old, and later borderline personality disorder. I've been on fluoxetine and citalopram (both SSRI's), and neither did much to lift my mood. I then moved on to bupropion (a DNRI) as I'm convinced my depression is related to lack of dopamine, but the effects of that drug were only minimal. Finally, I started venlafaxine only a few weeks ago (an SNRI) but I had to stop taking that because it was giving me unbearable anxiety. So currently I'm on no anti-depressants at all.

Therapy has helped a bit with my negative thought patterns, although I still get them from time to time. Ultimately, for me, there has been no magical cure for my depression and suicidal thoughts, but I would recommend trying CBT or DBT therapy if you are able to. Therapy, often in conjunction with an anti-depressant, can work well in many cases. Usually you'll need to experiment (under medical supervision, of course) to find which anti-depressant is right for you, as there are many different types of anti-depressants which affect different brain chemicals. It can take time. Good luck! :)

Slapdragonx said:
Try looking at the different classes of anti-depressants, TCAs and TeCAs. MOAI's are very good anti-depressants but they have severe drawbacks, but they are highly effective.
Click to expand...

I'd strongly advise against taking MAOI's, as they can have potentially lethal interactions with many drugs and even certain types of food. Nowadays MAOI's are usually reserved as a "last line of defence" when all other options have been unsuccessful. Personally, I would never take them.
 
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TBH, none of them are truly good.

It goes that the stronger the AD effect, the stronger the side effects.

I would go with what side effects you can tolerate and can't, and go from there.
 
Slapdragonx said:
TBH, none of them are truly good.
It goes that the stronger the AD effect, the stronger the side effects.

I would go with what side effects you can tolerate and can't, and go from there.
Click to expand...

That's a very stupid comment but not as stupid as the person who said take X 8)

Mate go down to the doctors their the only ones who can help you. Remember something might work on one person but not you. Always tell the doctor the truth there's loads of tablets out there to help depression.

Also get your doctor to sort out a councellor. To be honest their shit enough but at least you can talk to someone about your problems.

I'm on Effexor XL myself... Gives you unreal headaches for the first few days but that means it's working.

Goodluck
 
My mum walked in on me once crying because I felt so useless as a human being....she called the docs and arranged an appointment...

I was pretty embarrassed at first but he was really nice and put me on 20mg of fluoxetine (prozac) a day for six months...

It helped at first, i felt more balanced and I wasn't overthinking things. but when things got really bad instead of trying to figure out why I felt that way I'd just take a higher dose....sometimes 5x what I was meant to be taking.

Saying all of that I would say it is worth giving them a try, if they dont work they dont work...but what have you got to loose? I had some warped view that they would turn me into a smiling zombie but as my doctor said 'if they were that good we'd all be taking them' they really did help balance me out but don't just rely on the prozac to sort things out...opening up to my boyfriend and friends really helped too.

hope this was helpfull :)
 
I chose Wellbutrin and I'm on Day 2 of this riound of therapy. We will see what happens, but already I have slight mydriasis and can't be around a cigarette. :)

SSRIs work in some people, and not in others.
 
Ok in short I went thru drug induced psychosis at 17, I'd already left the mess my family home was by then but it left its mark and they tried me on all types of anti psychotics eventually coming to the conclusion I just needed time to work shit out,,, I've always had extreme low self worth,, and the idea of blowing my brains clean out is a happy thought to me,, not that I'm gonna do it,, but anyways coming out of that spell I started getting all these sick repetitive thought patterns about harming others,, when I walked past others the more I tried to stop it the more I'd see visions of sick shit like wrists slashing (O.) so in my head I'd have to give them stiches or suck the blood away and envision their skin without any cuts (C.). Little did I know this was actually a common (D)isorder called OCD,,,, repetitive thoughts you cant control except by doing what seem like ridiculous Compulsions to stop them.. Fuck me I was blown over when diagnosed,,I thought OCD was just being overly fussy about checking and cleaning stuff! Took me about 9 years to figure it out,, though the thoughts often morphed into other obsessions like 'dont think a racist word when someone of an ethnic minority walks past - arrghh',, or,, shit I just fleetingly glanced at a mans crotch or smiled a t a pretty girl,, holy shit I must be gay/ a peedo etc etc,, the thoughts had me pulling my hair out literally thousands of pulls a night for years to get my mind of it (trich -a common OCD side effect). Anyways they tried me on citalopram,, an SSRI,, man the first fortnight was hellish,, just kept yawning after I'd just got 16 hours sleep! and a loss of sexual libido ,, but what got me off it after a year and a bit was the constant over-sweating,,, but it certainly did give me that extra lift of happiness that was very physical,, like you could almost feel like you were naturally on a higher happiness level,, and it was a happiness that seemed physically located around my lower chest area most. But the sweats in a new job I was on and combined with the drugs I was doing made me change to mirtazapine - a non SSRI that you must take at night as it does knock you out and make you sleep a lot but the side effects are less,, even if the happiness factor seems less intensely centred within the body,, I'm much happier with it for my anxiety disorder tbh,, just my 2 cents,, hope you feel better soon - sadly you've just got to cope with the well harsh side effects that anti-deps can give you coming on them.. If you cant cope with them your GPs likely to think that if these short term side effects mean less to them than the depression its not that big a deal anyway
 
I take prozac... it basically saved my life. I started off with 20mg and now after 4 month I went down to 10 mg with no problem.

just start with a low dose and see if it helps you.
 
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