Mental Health Existential Despair

malakaix

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 12, 2008
Messages
3,054
I haven't been on these forums for a while, but i actually have no one to talk to about this..

Simply put; nothing seems to satisfy.

I have gone to ridiculous lengths in order to find some sort of satisfaction in life; something i can hold onto, belong too, relate too and live by. I went through years of drug use when i was younger, eventually i quit and moved on.. but it was a delusion to believe that my life would actually improve from this point on, instead it seemed to slowly become worse..

There's a deep agonizing sadness within me that is growing as the years pass, it feels like a black hole consuming me.. an endless void of which i can't escape or fill. I have slept around more in the last year then i ever have.. and i realized no amount of affection or sex will ever make me happy, there's days where i just want to drink myself into oblivion, i have used travel as an escape to keep myself constantly distracted from this darkness within me.

It's right at the core of my being, i can walk away from this post and watch a movie and i will forget about it momentarily.. but it's always there, and i'm always running away from it through drugs,sex,travel,music,video games or any other form of distraction. I can't pin point it to any one aspect in my life, it just feels like a loss of hope in my existence, purpose and meaning appear only as constructs and nothing feels real.

Not sure what i expected from this post, im oversea's so i can't see anyone.. but i needed to write it down somewhere..
 
Crazy as it sounds ... Give religion a shot . Why not? Where else could you get approval for believing in fantasy and legends as if they were reality ? Pretty fucking cool imo .
 
This sound's like dissocitive disorder or OCD.....If you notice like me...The world is vanity......We all die and we all just pass thru here.........My higher power is what sustains me. And since I can't really get into what I believe than shoot me a PM so I can talk to you about it.....I know what your going thru.
 
Man I know exactly where you're coming from. Every day I feel the exact void within me that you describe, that life is meaningless and nothing really seems worth doing. I don't think you have a mental health problem based on what you have just said (don't mistake an existential dilemma for a mental health issue, but at the same time don't disregard the possibility, after all im just some guy on the internet that obviously doesn't know a thing about you). I think you just have not found what you're meant to do with your life. Hedonic pleasures are great... for a while, but then they begin to feel empty because that is the truth. They are nothing but distractions. Im not saying don't partake. Im saying don't try to find fulfilment in good feelings.

Maybe religion would help you. But the word 'religion' is such a put off. At least to me. I hate the idea of submitting to a higher power and all the trivial bullshit that comes along with organized religion. If you're like me then why not look into a philosophy that will help you contextualize your self and your life. I have recently been looking into Taoism for example, but I really just pick and choose concepts from any philosophy and construct my own reality based on what works for me.

What I have come to realize is that life doesn't have a meaning and if you keep looking for something where there is nothing then you will surely be disappointed. Try nihilism with a sense of humor.

Also sometimes we think our problems are so complex, but its really just a matter of chemistry. Exercise. Eat well. Clear your head with meditation.
 
Mal, I have found that the only way to take the power out of that sense of meaninglessness and the despair that follows, is to befriend it. It sounds ridiculous but over a lifetime of arriving back at this station myself, as if in some recurring bad dream, I found a way to call it home as much as my moments of joy and peace. Because, all of it comes in moments. We notice the uncomfortable moments and we stretch them out and grow them by anticipating them before they come, over-thinking them once they arrive and hanging onto them once they pass. By contrast, we are surprised by moments of joy and live in them quite fully, accepting their transitory nature.

Part of my travels recently were to force being alone and isolated, to step outside of all that I perceive as meaningless but participate in anyway in my culture, and to literally feel lost. It was good. I think it is good to acknowledge that we are basically alone, that life has no meaning, that happiness and angst are thoughts that we bring to experiences because then you are free to create relationships not based on overwhelming need, to create meaning for yourself and to genuinely learn from both your happiness and your suffering that you have choices.

I think that we all benefit from being in nature alone. Nature for me is the ultimate drug/religion. It is free and healthy. It is a part of you and you are a part of it. We get separated from that knowledge easily in our lives but it is your birthright to know it. I think you live where it is very cold right now (England, right?) but take a walk somewhere that you will not be distracted by the human scribble of things, where all that is just erased and you are with the elements and then set your intention to actually just hear, see and feel where you are on the planet. It can be mind-blowing to step outside the human paradigm.
 
I'm beginning to think that 'existential despair' is nearly indistinguishable from the most prominent cognitive components of clinical depression (cast at the highest level of abstraction possible that preserve the meanings entailed (or rather the entailed lack of meaning)). Consequently, the 'two' states seem to be amenable to similar lines of treatment. You know what doesn't work? Utterly relentless pondering of the matter. :P

Crazy as it sounds ... Give religion a shot . Why not?

How does one arrive at holding a particular set of cosmological beliefs? Is it viable to force one's self into a particular set for reasons other than these beliefs just seeming true?

ebola
 
There's an emptiness in all of us.....PPL think I'm crazy cause i think the Earth is the center of the universe..........No aliens.......Nothing.....We where meant for more than this but two people screwed it up for all of us................Violence molesting evil....forces caused this just like there is force called gravity.....Atomic bombs that can take out Texas... I'm trying to tell you that emptiness can be filled even in a world that is nothing but a bubble that bursts when you die.......There is more to this.....I have seen it.....Died and came back.....I know.



The thing that is in your favor is that you sense the emptiness.....
 
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The thing is I can't speak my mind on the issue without it getting deleted with no reason.....Just one day I come back to look for responses and my frakin post is gone.
 
Not from here.....But others in the past....I'm not quite sure because I forgot all about which ones they where.....But it has def happened.....I just didn't say anything about it because I didn't think talking about what I believe was allowed.....Also....I'm not to ill about it....It's best to talk about these things in private anyway but thank you.
 
This sound's like dissocitive disorder or OCD.....If you notice like me...The world is vanity......We all die and we all just pass thru here.........My higher power is what sustains me. And since I can't really get into what I believe than shoot me a PM so I can talk to you about it.....I know what your going thru.

Thankyou sonic. I may take you up on that PM at some point..

Man I know exactly where you're coming from. Every day I feel the exact void within me that you describe, that life is meaningless and nothing really seems worth doing. I don't think you have a mental health problem based on what you have just said (don't mistake an existential dilemma for a mental health issue, but at the same time don't disregard the possibility, after all im just some guy on the internet that obviously doesn't know a thing about you). I think you just have not found what you're meant to do with your life. Hedonic pleasures are great... for a while, but then they begin to feel empty because that is the truth. They are nothing but distractions. Im not saying don't partake. Im saying don't try to find fulfilment in good feelings.

Thanks for writing that out; sometimes it takes the perspective of someone else to realize how simple the situation is.. I believe it is as simple as not having found what i want to do with life and i'm complicating it in order to uncover some hidden meaning or reason, but at times it can be really convincing that i'm caught in this perpetual void.. i think everyone deals with this in life in their own way, unfortunatley for me it's becoming harder to manage..

If you're like me then why not look into a philosophy that will help you contextualize your self and your life. I have recently been looking into Taoism for example, but I really just pick and choose concepts from any philosophy and construct my own reality based on what works for me.

What I have come to realize is that life doesn't have a meaning and if you keep looking for something where there is nothing then you will surely be disappointed. Try nihilism with a sense of humor.

Yeah i found consolation in philosophy; it's helped me shape my attitude towards life and gain a more broad and deeper understanding of life, perhaps it's obvious by the title but i have found a lot i can relate to in Soren Kierkengaard's writings, as well as Friedrich Nietzsche.

Also sometimes we think our problems are so complex, but its really just a matter of chemistry. Exercise. Eat well. Clear your head with meditation.

Yeah i think your spot on here, it can be so convincing at times.. and it just takes a moment of clarity to realize how simple it really is.

Mal, I have found that the only way to take the power out of that sense of meaninglessness and the despair that follows, is to befriend it. It sounds ridiculous but over a lifetime of arriving back at this station myself, as if in some recurring bad dream, I found a way to call it home as much as my moments of joy and peace. Because, all of it comes in moments. We notice the uncomfortable moments and we stretch them out and grow them by anticipating them before they come, over-thinking them once they arrive and hanging onto them once they pass. By contrast, we are surprised by moments of joy and live in them quite fully, accepting their transitory nature.

Wow that was really insightful, i hadn't looked at it from that perspective before.. thankyou. Yes it's something i've known but always struggle with that you have to accept the good with the bad and own both the extremes of emotion; because it seems the more you attempt to avoid feeling a certain way the more you suffer, though when you accept it fully.. it simply disappears.

Part of my travels recently were to force being alone and isolated, to step outside of all that I perceive as meaningless but participate in anyway in my culture, and to literally feel lost. It was good. I think it is good to acknowledge that we are basically alone, that life has no meaning, that happiness and angst are thoughts that we bring to experiences because then you are free to create relationships not based on overwhelming need, to create meaning for yourself and to genuinely learn from both your happiness and your suffering that you have choices.

Thankyou. I really needed to hear that.. in fact i will make sure to come back to this paragraph in future, it's puts some of my confusion into perspective.

I think that we all benefit from being in nature alone. Nature for me is the ultimate drug/religion. It is free and healthy. It is a part of you and you are a part of it. We get separated from that knowledge easily in our lives but it is your birthright to know it. I think you live where it is very cold right now (England, right?) but take a walk somewhere that you will not be distracted by the human scribble of things, where all that is just erased and you are with the elements and then set your intention to actually just hear, see and feel where you are on the planet. It can be mind-blowing to step outside the human paradigm.

Yes, im currently in Hungary.. it's cold ha! But i've been living in the city and havn't had much access to nature.. but come to think of it i always feel more 'alive' when im in the wilderness, i will try make an effort to venture back out there.

I'm beginning to think that 'existential despair' is nearly indistinguishable from the most prominent cognitive components of clinical depression (cast at the highest level of abstraction possible that preserve the meanings entailed (or rather the entailed lack of meaning)). Consequently, the 'two' states seem to be amenable to similar lines of treatment. You know what doesn't work? Utterly relentless pondering of the matter. :P

I had the same thought when i was writing this post; the two seem very indistinguishable.. i wondered if i was just describing depression, but it seemed more appropriate to write it out at existential despair for some reason, i think their is a difference on a philosophical level that relates to the realization of personal freedom through existential despair upon understanding the inherent meaninglessness of existence. But i don't know.. i agree the two are almost indistinguishable.
 
Be Here Now got me through a similar episode. Still working on it though.

Richard Alpert writes about his high society days, giving him every satisfaction our sensory world has to offer. And it still wasn't enough. LSD and mushrooms connected him with something deeper inside, but he was disappointed because it was still an experience "in time", ie when he was no longer under the influence his old neurotic self came back. Then he went to travel around the world and learned about his inner being step by step. Wonderfully honest writing.
 
Here's the thing, there's no meaning to life or our existence. That's just it. Life is a series of distractions. Enjoy the distractions for what they are and laugh at life. No need to take it seriously if it doesn't matter anyways!
 
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