• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

Exist in Peace, Sepher

Neil, we are having to "fill your spot" on the Recovery Forum team of moderators. This breaks my heart. No one can fill your spot. You were such a unique man. I think of you daily and miss you more than you ever could have imagined.<3
 
^Usually it is exciting. This round not so much. I would have loved to hear Neil's input. He was always so level-headed, positive, fun--the list could go on forever. I enjoyed being a fellow mod with him so much.

Neil,
It is very hard and I never want to let go when I find someone such as yourself. There are people who fill a place in my mind, heart, place in time. You fit into one of those slots perfectly. I loved it. I am sad that it is lost. Bluelight has taught me so much. To love and to let go. Which for me means many things not just in the life or death sense. You were a person of great understanding and intelligence. There will never be another you.
 
kytnism said:
everytime i saw sephers name as the last poster in the nudie thread in the lounge i clicked, as i knew it would be a whimsical and entertaining read. he always had a way with words and making every contributor feel beautiful. he could see beauty in others that was overlooked by most. he seemed a real lovely man with a killer sense of humor and never a bad word to say about a soul. my most fond memory of sepher was a photograph of himself dressed in womens high heels, stockings and panties. where most men would cringe at the thought of that being seen publically, he posted it shamelessly and had a giggle and witty comeback for every comment that followed. to those of you who personally knew him, and considered him a friend, my sincerest condolences go out to you. rest in peace sepher. <3

...kytnism...:|
Click to expand...

I haven't had the guts to read through this thread until now but glad I saw that post of yours kyt, it brought back some great memories and made me laugh. He really did have a gift for helping people love themselves. I really don't know many people who can do that.

Anyway Neil, I thought you'd be happy to hear I'm over two months almost entirely clean off heroin, and probably couldn't have done it without your support, understanding and encouragement. I'm so happy you were/are here for me regarding that. I miss sending you trippy ramblings in the middle of the night and laughing about it the next day. But I know that wherever you are now you're having a great time making people smile and laugh, because that's just what you do no matter where you are. <3
 
On the way home from the movies last night I saw a moose crossing sign on the side of the road. Of course I immediately thought of you and got a bit teary eyed but then started laughing to myself. It seems like whenever I need a positive push in the right direction I get some kind of sign to think of you. Missing you and forever watching for moose. <3
 
:( goddamn, to many good individuals losing their lives. RIP bud, I always enjoyed your posts.
 
wow I just decided to come to the shrine. It always saddens me when I do. Sepher seemed like such a kind soul.

This sucks.
 
rest in peace sepher, i haven't been around bluelight lately and haven't had the balls to come to this thread until now.
just know that i think about you and hope that you're okay wherever you are, and that i miss your hilarious commentaries and perverted old thoughts and kind words, all written in your strange signature british-type lingo.

anyways, your memory lives on and so does your character, you were always such a shining young soul <3
 
Sepher, you were kind to me when Where Wolf? died and I am remembering you both tonight. I wish you were there now to talk to, to open my heart to. I trusted you instinctively; you were always 'the real deal' - kind, thoughtful, and above all, PRESENT in a way that others are not. The Bluelight community misses you, I miss you, Jan misses you, so many individual souls miss you. I believe that your soul is bound into the bond of life, as we say in the Jewish world. Your memory is a blessing and I hope that you have found the peace you have so long sought. If love can reach beyond the grave, you have mine and my eternal thanks. J
 
There can be no way to fill the shoes of such a kind, decent and humble individual - but I hope that whoever DOES try is inspired by the love generated for Neil in response to the man he was.
 
I am thinking of of you and Caleb and Michael so much, Neil. In 3 days I am going into the rainforest where I will get to stay with the Quichuas and learn about the plants and animals they live with. I know how excited you were for me and all the humorous threats you used to dish out if I failed to keep you posted on my travels. I am taking some of Caleb's ashes, but I am taking you and Michael in my heart as well.
 
I have not known Sepher very well but he helped me a few time, I will always remember him as great man with good will.
Rest in peace my freind.
 
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Sepher was kind enough to reach out to me by PM recently when I was in a very low place. His kind and sensible words helped me a lot. When you're in a shit place and someone helps you, you don't think to turn around and say "what about YOU? Are YOU ok?". I did tell him his PM had helped a lot, but I wish he'd known that that kind of thing made him IMPORTANT to me and to so many.

A loss to us all. My thoughts are with all who knew him. RIP mate.
 
Hi all, partner here.

Thank you for taking the time to post such heart felt messages in tribute of a man who I am proud to have known and changed my life beyond comprehension. I'm glad to know he's been letting some of you also know his spirit is still around and looking out for you. It freaked me out a few times at first, but now I find it comforting. You all must need him more than me at the moment as I've not felt him with me for any length of time for a good few days now. I'm pleased he's looking out for you and that his kindness touched your lives. He is very special to me and it's good to see how many people thought of him as uniquely special too.

It's taken me all this time, since I broke the news to Herbavore about Sepher's passing on this life, to come here and read this thread. It's had me sobbing, and a couple of smiles of recognition (moose, bumblebees, pervy pics and women's underwear - you've no idea how to explain the size 10 pink lacy pants are his... to a relative!) even now I can't stop the tears as I type. I never thought I'd post here as I was a lurker to make sure he was OK on the quiet, and he knew deep down I was in the background here as he sent me some posts he'd made. In checking in on him, I began following some of your journeys too with their peaks and troughs, silently celebrating your successes and feeling proud for you, knowing Sepher would be there with a post. He was at his best when helping people and sharing information. I'm incredibly proud of him.

I was his partner of 9 years and have known him for 10 years. Some of the best and worst 10 years of my life which we rode together. I miss him deeply and can't tell you all how privileged to say he was my world. I love him even now and don't really know how I can go on without him. We had some really complicated times and sometimes you give tough love to get someone to where they need to be. I didn't like his addicts behaviours but I never stopped loving him. I'm so very glad that we kissed and made up before he died as I don't think I'd have ever forgiven myself for not telling him I loved him, I just hope he knew in those final moments of his sudden unexpected death just how much I love him and forever. Please take comfort in knowing that his death was not intentional.

I never got tired of his hugs, laughter, the smiles, the quick witted retorts, our 'in jokes', him holding me when I was crying, me holding him when he sobbed his heart out over many mistakes and demons past. The fun and laughter, dancing around our living room or kitchen, going out and cutting up the dance floor, nights in the village, walking the dogs, raising our ferrets, him whispering I love you into my hair when I fell asleep on his chest in the nook of his arm, the rows when we'd both stand our ground and then cuddling or cracking up laughing after we'd made up. Snuggling watching favourite programmes together, reading internet forums over shoulders and laughing or crying (or crying laughing sometimes) and generally sharing our lives. He taught me so very much, the list is endless... mainly general 'domestic god' things like how to cook (though it was never as good as his efforts), politics, history, social movements, how to love and unconditionally.

It so difficult typing this out as there is so much I want to put but I don't even know where to begin with what a hole it's left. I'm getting increasingly desperate to speak with him and the finality is so hard to handle.

Big hugs to you all, love and light. x
 
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