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☮ Social ☮ EWO's out of the game

Reconsider the bath salts vs MXE as the cause of your problems:

http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=90236
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How about somebody try to listen to me, for once?
The problem began on MXE, then moved to bath salts, and now other drugs like simple weed.

And it is clear from your posts that you have developed a severe anxiety disorder and OCD complex. You're fixating on "figuring out what is wrong with you". You already know the answer. You fucked up your kidneys. There's no miracle cure, modern medicine or otherwise.
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Severe anxiety, yes. OCD, no. Even if so, I had OCD before the overdoseS if that's your case, as I edited my posts 20 times a day before these drugs. Look back, do the research. I'm not obsessing about getting treatment. In fact, I've told the people off who treat me because they sound a lot like you.

The real problem you have now is with your brain - your thought processes are clearly fucked. Sounds to me like you're convinced all these doctors are wrong (before you even walk in the door) because they don't agree with the conclusions you're drawing based on your "internet research" with the "experts" here at BL.
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The real problem is a chemical imbalance.. and people telling me things they don't know, like you, again.
I'd trust anyone here on bluelight more than a doctor when it comes to drugs because the damn doctors don't do these drugs and like to guess at what is going on all day. The people here do these drugs and likely have better advice, which is probably quite true. I know how to discern between morons giving me stupid advice and legitimate ideas that may work. I could have saved thousands of dollars listening to people on here that all it was was anxiety instead of going to doctors.
It honestly sounds like something I would read in an MDPV thread.

Not sure why this is still in PD, this belongs in TDS.
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Lol your power trip has extended to wish you were some part of the moderation?
Who are you to diagnose me if my doctors can't?

Enjoy your day with your self deserved sense of power.
I know my symptoms much better than you. Even if I describe them, surely you'll feel free to take them wrong, as you see fit.

This concerns both psychs and non psychs.
I don't post in other subforums. It's fine here.

I wasn't about to bump this thread for a good month until my next doctor visit (I think if I was OCD about seeing doctors I'd make that sooner if at all possible, ey?) but if you feel the need, get 'er done.
 
eye_wide_open said:
I'd trust anyone here on bluelight more than a doctor when it comes to drugs because the damn doctors don't do these drugs and like to guess at what is going on all day. The people here do these drugs and likely have better advice, which is probably quite true. I know how to discern between morons giving me stupid advice and legitimate ideas that may work. I could have saved thousands of dollars listening to people on here that all it was was anxiety instead of going to doctors.
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Well if you trust a bunch of drug using random strangers with internet connection more than doctors, I feel sorry for you. Most of us have NO DAMN IDEA how drugs work. I apologize to all those people who both take drugs and actually know what's going on in our bodies, like many people in Advanced drug discussion, but I wouldn't trust the average bluelighter much.

eye_wide_open said:
Lol your power trip has extended to wish you were some part of the moderation?
Who are you to diagnose me if my doctors can't?
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And suddenly, some stranger with internet connection can't diagnose you, because he has a opinion you don't like. If you like peoples opinions, you agree with them.

I don't want to attack you EWO, I feel honestly sorry for what's happening to you and hope you'll get healthy again, also this thread should be useful to all those people who think MXE is harmless, when it can be fucking dangerous actually.

But JBrandon sounds pretty sensible to me and I think you should start to believe doctors a little more if you actually want to help yourself.
 
What the fuck do you know.
I stopped taking my meds two days ago and haven't had an attack since.

People want to get me all twisted up and see if I snap back any more. lol
So above that shit.

It's my choice to decide what meds I take that my doctor gives me. I don't need any more medication at all. What I need is absolutely nothing to heal up and get better. Not even weed. Sobriety is the only thing that will fix me. Not some SSRI mood altering bullshit in a pill. If you ask me, sounds like that makes a whole lot of sense. Unless you think I should sit on Bezo's for a few months for the anxiety and when I stop them it will be even worse.

seriously, fuck off. I'm improving just fine.
All I want is a doctor to tell me what to do about the kidneys.
Most of us have NO DAMN IDEA how drugs work.
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That's why I don't listen to most of you. ;)
Go ahead and get the last words in..

What makes you think I'll listen to people who don't like me in a forum?
Maybe if you approached me without attitude, I'd try to listen.
 
I realize my tone was abrasive, but I really wouldn't waste my time replying if I wasn't concerned for you. It just seems like when you don't hear what you want to, you instantly reject advice instead of evaluating it.

Think about this - UNLESS YOU ARE STILL USING THE DRUGS - what does knowing anything about their mechanism change? Nothing.

You're now dealing with the AFTERMATH which in your case is kidney damage and anxiety. It doesn't matter if it was MXE, bath salts, or your shampoo that got you here. This is where you are and what you're dealing with. So what are the treatments for your mental symptoms? Exactly what they've been prescribing. SSRIs and benzos. There isn't some "alternative miracle" medicine they could give you if they just understood MXE better. This what your options are!

Now you can try following medical advise, which I would recommend, or you can come here and let anonymous people with unknown knowledge bases tell you all kinds of crazy shit - "don't listen to the establishment! Take some Valerian root and smoke some bud man!"

As for the OCD symptoms, that doesn't mean you have to be obsessive or compulsive about everything in your life. In this case you're just obsessing over your health issues.

The reason weed is working differently now for you is because you've developed anxiety - it is common for lots of people to get anxiety and panic attacks from weed, ESPECIALLY after what you've been through.

You can keep looking for different doctors, but just acknowledge on some level that what you're really doing is shopping around for someone who will tell you what you want to hear.

Anyway, good luck with your health, no one means you ill will here.
 
eye_wide_open said:
All I want is a doctor to tell me what to do about the kidneys.
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Absolutely correct on the sobriety statement.

The trouble with the kidneys is that they don't have the incredible regenerative abilities of our liver. Once you start damaging the nephrons you wind up increasing the workload on the remaining healthy ones. This is why kidney disease is often progressive - the more damage that is done the more stress is placed on the remaining tissue.

Yours are still functional so at this point in the process I think all they do is wait, watch the numbers, and see if you get worse.

What exactly are you looking for, ultimately? What is done cannot be undone, but you can adapt to where you are now quite well...
 
I'm not a doctor.
I don't know everything about my body. I also take a tons of shit from you people here.

When something very weird happened to me on drugs, I went to a few doctors to find out what it was, because none of them could fix it and I didn't know what was happening to me. I don't believe this is OCD. I believe it's called "being scared about what happened to me". If I was or am OCD, it was before I fucked myself up. Go view some of my first posts. They are all edited compulsively. So what on that front. IF I really am OCD, I'll let a doctor tell me. None of them told me this. None of them can really tell me anything to be honest. They are all just guessing.
All they CAN say, is my kidneys are fucked up.

Now remember, I'm not a doctor.
For somebody who knows NOTHING about fucked up kidneys, it's perfectly normal to go to a few doctors trying to get information.
I have no fuckin' idea what treatment for messed up kidneys could possibly be. In that sense, I'm not OCD for going to doctors to try and find out.
I do not know that kidneys aren't "fixable" or won't heal.. .because nobody ever tried to tell me that until now after chewing my ass out.
How am I supposed to know, that if I find the right doctor, he can give me something, do something, or say something to help with my kidneys?
I don't know, because I have no idea about kidneys. I'm not a doctor.
I'm a scared ex drug user.

The key word here is SCARED. I was SCARED, that's why I went to many different doctors.

Tell me you can sit in emergency rooms for 12 hour days, not getting any information, being stuck with needles and basically poked and prodded like a fucking lab rat for days and weeks, without feeling like you are losing your patients with the doctors. And then come back and call me OCD again.

It's obvious I'm not in PERFECT mental health, but I don't have problems enough mentally to warrant odd pills, institutionalization or arrest.
I'm a perfectly normal operating citizen of society, minus some harsh panic attacks and my fucked up kidneys, that I know nothing about.
I'm not going to hurt anyone, I may be slightly chemically imbalanced, but it's not altering my thinking of what is right or wrong.
I'm not psychotic, I didn't fuck up my brain that bad, and all I like to do that leads people to thinking I'm psycho is ask lots and lots of questions.
Is that so wrong?

Who is ANYONE to tell me what my condition is from reading a few pages of paragraphs of my questions and
when what you perceive could be taken so wrong from what I mean?
I'm not going to go for that stuff. I treat people in my life and people on these forums with great respect, and to deal with some of the people here has almost made me leave this site many times, if it weren't for a few very kind hearted people that keep asking me to come back.
(Thank you very much to those kind hearted people, it's a miracle anyone still cares about anything anymore on this planet. You guys know who you are and have all helped me out quite a bit.) I can't help but to wonder if they don't keep asking me back because they are genuinely interested in what I have to say. It would seem, people want me here, and that's why I'm here. I don't stick around where I'm unwanted.

when all I'm trying to accomplish with thread is a VERY STARK WARNING. You guys don't believe it, or don't want to believe it, but you can FUCK YOURSELF UP VERY BAD on MXE. Don't think that shit is a wonder drug. I'm sorry if I talk bad about your favorite chemical, the way I used it, or what happened to me on it, but c'mon, try to use a bit of maturity to see I'm trying to scare you kids too so it doesn't happen to you. I'm already stuck being the fucking guinea pig, I have proof for you all I'm going through hell all day and you still can't respect me. I'm going through hell every day and all anyone can do is come on here to yell at me like they know exactly what's going on from just reading a bit of my work. Let me tellya, there is a lot more going on behind the scenes that you realize, and this has been one of the hardest times in my life.

If you can still grow the balls to tell me off after knowing I'm all fucked up, I'm not going to listen to you, I'm not going to reply to you, I'm not going to give you the respect that I am giving the rest of bluelight and the kind hearted people that want me here.
This thread isn't going to go anywhere.

I'm not a doctor, I didn't know kidneys can't be fixed. I have no fuckin' idea what happened to my body for sure, and I don't think anyone else does either.
Can anyone tell me what chemicals in my body I imbalanced to give me the panic attacks? No. Then how can they tell me what drugs to take to fix it?
If I can't get a doctor to let me speak on my conditions, why should I take any medication the dumbfuck gives me? Why should I humor their dumbass while they try all kinds of shit on me. They can't even tell me what;s wrong with my body, they don't listen to my fuckin' syptoms, and I've been to five or six doctors trying to get one idiot college educated doctor to listen to what I'm saying about what happened to me and they can't even do that.

I have every reason to be concerned in the cases above. I have every reason to want to see multiple doctors. I have every reason to be obsessive about my current fuckin' condition. This has never happened to me, people don't even believe MXE can do this to me, and I'm the one telling you it did.
I think people should probably try to listen. If you don't want to listen to anything I say, you want to argue everything and you need to feel superior to me, let me know. I'll leave this damn place right now and not look back. I realize people don't want me here. I realize nobody likes me here and I'm still here trying to HELP YOU people realize that you might be doing some serious shit to yourselves by taking these drugs.

I don't need to be here. I don't need to waste my time arguing with people when I'm in such condition.
Not only that, but I'm a fucking engineer. I'm not moron doctor who gives me printouts off mayoclinic.com after I give them $$$$$ to treat me for nothing.
I have a brain, I'm using it, and I'm not letting you people get to me. I'm making well educated decisions on what I should do in my current condition.
I'd appreciate it if you guys could at least try to show some fucking respect. God knows I don't get it anywhere else in my life either.. and don't need to be continuously disrespected when I come to this site to help others.

Thanks. To be honest, it's pretty shitty to me I even have to write this. :|
-EWO
 
You don't have 100% proof your condition is caused by MXE though.
There are people who (reportedly) took much higher doses for longer times and are still OK.
I'm not defending MXE, it is very well possible it is that shitty for kidneys but you have no proof to say it that way.
 
Whoa dude, you misunderstood. I am not referring to the act of seeing doctors or anything else you've mentioned as being an OCD trait. Those are normal responses to what happened to you.

What I was calling OCD-like is the mental process of believing your illness is misdiagnosed or incorrectly treated no matter what happens. A lot of people, at the slightest sign of physical problems, will begin to obsess over their ailment, which in and of itself can exacerbate the problem and even create new issues. I was simply pointing out that you may have become obsessed with your illness to the point that you were making it worse for yourself than it needed to be. That's all.

I also don't see many people giving you shit here. It mostly sounds like concern, support, and advise.
 
Alright I'm on your side and want to help you but first I'll say this: It's unfortunate you're in this positon, but you did bring it about yourself by abusing mxe, something we barely know anything about. Also, you can't expect doctors to magically know what has happened to you, you're probably one of a tiny amount of people who have abused mxe and then bath salts and then got these problems. They only really know what they've been taught or can figure out from literature.

Now, you say you haven't had an anxiety attack since stopping medication this is great progress, and hopefully it will continue. If it doesn't resorting back to pills that do help with the attacks may be better than just dealing with it, but that's up to you. As for the kidneys... well as people have said, they aren't quite so regenerative but they do heal! You said earlier in the thread that you still smoke a lot of weed, it may not actually be helping and cutting back will allow more kidney healing. Remember they do all of the filtering, pretty much everything that you need to piss. I would also look at the anti anxiety attack drugs to see how they're excreted and working out which will be least damaging to kidneys, bringing it up with doctors if possible. My actual knowledge of the kidneys doesn't stretch that far but bodybuilders often fuck their kidneys on multiple oral steroids and can fix them fairly ok. I'd suggest looking about the healthy living board for general health things, and question some bodybuilding boards. They may know how to help kidney damage from oral steroids, it's not quite mxe and bath salts but it's still drugs. It seems like a case of healthy diet, nutrition and exercise again but I don't know if you can handle to exercise at the moment. Maybe see a nutritionist if possible, I also don't know much about health care costs, being from UK. Oh, I see someone said creatine and you rejected it - I'm happy you did, I've heard about some problems with kidneys with it on it's own! :/


I'm happy you decided to do your own reading on those pills they gave you and being able to make up your mind on them. Shame you really are the guinea pig and that all this has happened to you, I'm contacting some friends of mine who know their shit so hopefully they'll have something for you
 
^^yeah. although that not technically OCD , it is (i think) a valid concern.

EWO ... man... there's obviously lots and lots i do not know about what is happening to you with the doctors. but i do have a couple pieces of advice:

1) it sounds like you keep going to the ER? wherever it is you're going... it's obviously not the place for you. you need to seek a referral to some sort of specialist (sorry i can't be of more help here... don't know exactly what type of dr you need to see for this...) once you have the referral an appointment could be a long way away. but you seem willing to wait all day for services: perhaps you can wait all day at the specialist's until they have a cancellation or can squeeze you in...

2) You have every right to be discerning about the care you receive. however it seems you are drifting towards being combative and spiteful towards your doctors... the patient-doctor relationship is a two way street. First you should be considerate of the fact that these people are probably on-edge because whatever you are experiencing is not well-documented in the literature and is related to 2 or more unresearched drugs.
So these doctors are probably feeling vulnerable going into your appointment. Basically everything else they do is informed by a vast body of research and best-practice guidelines. so you need to be very patient with them.
Additionally, you do not have to follow their recommendations. But if you aren't going to follow them you need to be VERY FUCKING POLITE AND REASONABLE when you explain why you do not want SSRIs or whatever it may be. Honestly, tho, given the fact that you are so desperate you should be willing to try everything. I agree that SSRIs probably aren't going to help you but if you want to develop a constructive working relationship with your doctor then maybe you ought to humor him/her and just fucking bite the bullet and try SSRIs for a month.
In any case, i predict that things will go better for you if you find a way to put all this anger aside, if you find a way to cultivate a dialog with your doctor, if you find a way to see the same doctor at all visits, and if you can find a way to calm down and not get hysterical when things don't go perfectly (and even when things seem absurdly bad)

ed: well said mr porter... i repeat some of your points above (was drafting my response while you posted yours)
 
MrPorter said:
As for the kidneys... well as people have said, they aren't quite so regenerative but they do heal! You said earlier in the thread that you still smoke a lot of weed, it may not actually be helping and cutting back will allow more kidney healing. Remember they do all of the filtering, pretty much everything that you need to piss.
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Is there a legitimate role for the therapeutic use of cannabinoids for symptom management in chronic kidney disease? (2011)
(Full Primary Scholarly Article): http://www.advancedholistichealth.org/PDF_Files/Chronic Kidney Disease.pdf

The preventive effect of cannabinoids on reperfusion-induced ischemia of mouse kidney. (abst - 2008 )
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18571910

Distinctive effects of plant protein sources on renal disease progression and associated cardiac hypertrophy in experimental kidney disease. (abst – 2011)
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21294251
 
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Whatever the cause is, thanks for posting this. My mom's BUN/creatinine levels just came back high (29.5) and I've been trying to figure out what this means. Common causes of high creatinine include:

Kidney disease
Congestive heart failure
Gastrointestinal bleeding
Dehydration
Shock, burns or fever
Medications (corticosteroids, etc)
High protein diet
Poor circulation

Not sure if your creatinine levels were just off or if they actually diagnosed kidney disease, but there ya go. Hope you keep searching until you find some answers! Stay well
 
fixingahole said:
Unfortunately this means that everyone has levels that are either 'too high' or 'too low', and therefore everyone needs to be medicated....
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That's not true, there are always specified ranges that are considered normal, it's never one value, that would of course be nonsensical. Like nobody says you must have resting HR exactly 63, but it should be between 55 to 70 for example, usually the range tends to be quite broad.
 
eye_wide_open said:
Can anyone tell me what chemicals in my body I imbalanced to give me the panic attacks? No. Then how can they tell me what drugs to take to fix it?
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In my experience I got attacks from a very dumb reason, a psycedelic result if you like (mindfuck). I have solved the problem by not using stims and having some diaz pills available if it happends. What it was for me was a few parties where I went all in, or overboard, and way to the other side. I had three episodes I almost died, really bad but hey what did I see - almighty stretched brain to the limit. After theese episodes I began being very aware of pulse and health, to the point it was a little compulsive. I got afraid of the drugs, or should I say started to respect MXE especially!

After this I did alot of stims, for long binges. Then suddenly, after a three day a-pvp binge I was destroyed. The awareness in me manifested itself and I was shaking like a leaf beliving my heart should explode for noe apparent reason. I though I had a BPM of 250 in reality it was actually 120... In the end I solved it by some deep soul looking, as our brain are able to fix itself on this being scared and anxious shit. This knot in your chest. You just need to understand - and this is something which is important - that your brain must be reset to not focus on the awareness.

Example:
Say you have a bad day, you are at the doctor. You are told you have cancer and will die in two months. Later same day you are told it was wrong message, you are OK. I bet you money you will be euphoric atleast an hour or so like a great extacy pill for the sould fact you are given life! Woho! What a mindfuck!

By comparison what I am saying is that it's your mind that needs to unlearn your worry. Look at discovery programs abour neuro science and how our brains work. In short, my sollution is not taking drugs to solve that one - but have some diaz ready if the attack happends to block that. But theese are in case of emergency, not something to eat all the time.

This is what I have learned, the hard way aswell! I hope you are alive man and doing better!

A quote that could be nice:

“The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.”
~John Milton, Paradise Lost
 
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He didn't post for almost two months.
I hope he's OK.
 
Could we file a missing person report to the internet police please?

It has been much more than 24 hours since he is missing..
 
Identity888 said:
Could we file a missing person report to the internet police please?

It has been much more than 24 hours since he is missing..
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BUMP! I'm guessing most people in here do not really know who other people are, so in reality it being hard to track anything if noone in here knows who he is.
 
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