bipolar_baller
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2012
- Messages
- 13
I want to share the stories of a close friend that suffers bipolarism. It's imperative that people recognize the susceptibility bipolarized people are to drug use--which may not be as dangerous as living sober with bipolarity. Anyway, here's the Evening Cocktail part 1.
So, having bipolar disorder, it's always a rough ride for SWIM--sober or not. Staying sober is no different than staying high (marijuana), because depression or mania always plague SWIM. On the evening of a random cocktail, SWIM was experiencing mood swings and anxiety. He had frequent quarrels with his girlfriend. This is after a long period of sobriety of more than two weeks.
SWIM is neither a frequent user of substances, nor has he been in the past year. During adolescent years, however, SWIM frequently smoked tobacco and marijuana, in addition to alcohol.
Anyway, on the bad night, SWIM was at a loss with everything and desired suicide. The lithium was affecting his kidneys (smell of urine, strangely cloudy urine; lower back pain, ear pressure) and he thought that a few days of a drug cocktail would do the trick. He began with the following oral dose.
JWH-018 50mg
Cyclobenzaprine 10mg
Adderall 10mg
An hour into the mild cocktail, he felt "fuzzy". SWIM compared it to the onset of psychedelic mushrooms. The cyclobenzaprine balanced the effects of the amphetamine. His frustration was gone, and his back felt not so painful. His first urination after consumption smelled strangely sweet, but also an odor he never smelled before in his urine. (Coffee causes his urine to have a 'burnt popcorn' smell; asparagus is typical--sulfur enriched; high protein meals/snacks smell like cheap potted meat out of a can; etc.)
SWIM has taken JWH-018 orally in addition to smoking it, and he prefers oral administration. Even though the onset of oral doses are not predictable, sometimes under an hour, sometimes up to three hours. When eaten, the high lasts longer and is much more "wavy" in that its intensity varies throughout the plateau.
SWIM is now entrenched into a meditative mental state, one in which he is not suffering from the symptoms of bipolar as before the cocktail. As the mixture began to synergize, SWIM's plateau gave him the sense that his body is jelly. It reminded him of the drug in Rudy Rucker's Wetware: merge. His spine became a steel bridge connecting the soft clouds and blue sky to the Earth. The 018 blended well with the cyclo-B, and the amphets kept his mind alert during the meltdown.
He later described his suicidal desires as distant and pointless. The drugs convinced SWIM that another day isn't so bad. Time passed with each wave of nirvana, as he entered into this new state of mind. He remembered sitting at the dentist's office as a boy, getting gassed by the window before the novacaine-free fillings. Just gas. Then the drill.
First ecstasy, rock music. The drill came later. But now, before the pain and terror, he enjoys the gas. He enjoys the sea rushing by his ears and over his body. The his of the gas mask that fit perfectly over his nose, that somehow drained his mind through his nose. It was replaced by the world around him, filling him with a cool, strange gas. Divine.
The nostalgia kept him away from the suicide. The drugs kept him alive.
These are the first two hours of what SWIM described to me. More later. Be safe. Be lurid.
Bipolar Baller.
So, having bipolar disorder, it's always a rough ride for SWIM--sober or not. Staying sober is no different than staying high (marijuana), because depression or mania always plague SWIM. On the evening of a random cocktail, SWIM was experiencing mood swings and anxiety. He had frequent quarrels with his girlfriend. This is after a long period of sobriety of more than two weeks.
SWIM is neither a frequent user of substances, nor has he been in the past year. During adolescent years, however, SWIM frequently smoked tobacco and marijuana, in addition to alcohol.
Anyway, on the bad night, SWIM was at a loss with everything and desired suicide. The lithium was affecting his kidneys (smell of urine, strangely cloudy urine; lower back pain, ear pressure) and he thought that a few days of a drug cocktail would do the trick. He began with the following oral dose.
JWH-018 50mg
Cyclobenzaprine 10mg
Adderall 10mg
An hour into the mild cocktail, he felt "fuzzy". SWIM compared it to the onset of psychedelic mushrooms. The cyclobenzaprine balanced the effects of the amphetamine. His frustration was gone, and his back felt not so painful. His first urination after consumption smelled strangely sweet, but also an odor he never smelled before in his urine. (Coffee causes his urine to have a 'burnt popcorn' smell; asparagus is typical--sulfur enriched; high protein meals/snacks smell like cheap potted meat out of a can; etc.)
SWIM has taken JWH-018 orally in addition to smoking it, and he prefers oral administration. Even though the onset of oral doses are not predictable, sometimes under an hour, sometimes up to three hours. When eaten, the high lasts longer and is much more "wavy" in that its intensity varies throughout the plateau.
SWIM is now entrenched into a meditative mental state, one in which he is not suffering from the symptoms of bipolar as before the cocktail. As the mixture began to synergize, SWIM's plateau gave him the sense that his body is jelly. It reminded him of the drug in Rudy Rucker's Wetware: merge. His spine became a steel bridge connecting the soft clouds and blue sky to the Earth. The 018 blended well with the cyclo-B, and the amphets kept his mind alert during the meltdown.
He later described his suicidal desires as distant and pointless. The drugs convinced SWIM that another day isn't so bad. Time passed with each wave of nirvana, as he entered into this new state of mind. He remembered sitting at the dentist's office as a boy, getting gassed by the window before the novacaine-free fillings. Just gas. Then the drill.
First ecstasy, rock music. The drill came later. But now, before the pain and terror, he enjoys the gas. He enjoys the sea rushing by his ears and over his body. The his of the gas mask that fit perfectly over his nose, that somehow drained his mind through his nose. It was replaced by the world around him, filling him with a cool, strange gas. Divine.
The nostalgia kept him away from the suicide. The drugs kept him alive.
These are the first two hours of what SWIM described to me. More later. Be safe. Be lurid.
Bipolar Baller.
