bob_arctor
Bluelighter
Bear with me, since this is the first fleshed out trip report I've ever submitted to Bluelight.
Subject: 30 year old male / 80 kg.
Previous experience: MDMA, 5-Meo-DMT, AMT, LSD, 5-MeO-MiPT, DiPT, DXM, 3-desoxy-MDA, 2C-I, 2C-C, 2C-D, 2C-B, N-ethyl-2C-B, 2C-T-4, 2C-E, MXE, 4-FMA, 4-FA, 4-MMC, 4-FMC, Salvia D., 5-MeO-MET, 4-HO-MET, etc.
Setting: Inside my apartment.
Set: This trip mostly dealt with thoughts about relationships, so please excuse me while I retrace some of the steps of my [then] recent thoughts on my situation. Girlfriend is out of the country for a couple days. Honestly, I think I will enjoy the break - we moved together a couple of months ago, and things have been a bit turbulent after her only relative died suddenly after diagnosed with a terrible disease. I think I'll enjoy the break, but at the same time I think that, maybe she wants of me to implore her not to go? Or at least display some kind of jealousy because she is visiting an ex-boyfriend, anything... I'm not surprised that someone becomes hard to read when suffering through the loss of a loved one, this I can understand. I also now that she at times becomes really unsure of herself - de-centered in a bad way? - and about what I feel for her. I'm easily caught up with emotional turbulence like that ("dragged into the darkness"). So, this is basically the setting of the trip: me wanting to try to figure things out, to do some kind of psychedelic re-integration of a bit of a rough ride (much of it caused by being caught up by work - almost like something out of "Modern Times"!)
After she left we had a weird exchange of text messages, me trying to work from home, she on the commuter train heading for the airport. I feel drained, but suspect that she became somewhat relieved by our mutual explosition of emotional texting. I tend to avoid open expression of conflicts in a relationship, simply because I do not know how to handle them, preferring some kind of low-intensity negotiation model instead. She is the very opposite; when I feel that if you said something, then you've said it; but for her, things uttered in affect are transient and can be left behind - the important thing is that you actively display an at least some kind of attempt to re-align. Or are these just narratives about her and me I've constructed and just haven't had the time (or taken myself the time) to either think about them or bring them up with her? Thoughts.
Live, mostly un-edited, report ensues:
13.30 50 mg escaline down the hatch.
14:00 First alerts. Clearly recognizable as phenethylamine:ish, but still, they feel strange somehow. More "full-bodied" and pleasant than the weak rush you get from the first alerts when coming up on 2C-X's.
14:20 Already there is visual activity, a heigthened sensitivity to light, some emphasis of tryptaminic blue/purple/green, but with the added phenethylamine "sizzle". Listening to a radio report on "internal border control". Swedish police, on the orders of the right-wing government, have started using racial profiling in chasing illegal immigrants. It is heartening to hear both representatives of the Swedish state church and local activists from autonomist leftist organizations taking a stand against this racist practice. The autonomists are organizing citizen patrols in the subway, aiding immigrants by pinpointing the police both physically and in cyberspace, using social media to broadcast warnings. Forget that I had a pot of rice cooking on the stove - almost burn it! Queasiness. Drinking some ginger/mulungu tea in order to ease potential stomach discomfort.
14:40: Send reassuring text to GF in response to a "airplane touched down just now. I'm not feeling that good, but a bit more stable. Everything is probably going to be OK". I hope she finds it reassuring. The reality is that I'm taking a drug to process our relationship, or at least trying to get some kind of grip on our constant ups and downs. This is also something of a theme for the trip.
14:45: Listening to a radio report on the pro-control movement in Sweden. I am a bit depressed about the fact that the "yes to life" organization apparently has 1600 subscribing members (and about 400 commercial enterprises supporting them, apparently). At the same time, I feel a bit more depth to my thoughts and reactions than would usually be the case.
A young woman belonging to a more extremist organization (by Swedish standards at least) tells of not being bothered about using photos of aborted fetuses for shock value in propaganda since "I'm a vegan and used to be an animal rights activist, and I realize that I've been working with these methods since forever now". Pondering the downward spiral vegan -> sxe -> hardline -> reactionary pro-control activist, and (vegetarian for +10 years and recently went vegan) actually have to reason myself through the complex circles of reasoning which she must have gone through. It is quite invigorating actually, trying to emphasize with someone whose views really are deeply disturbing. Even though the founder of the "yes to life" organization is a member of parliament today, it seems that a large majority of the natives of this country still cherish choice. International women's day (8 march) is fast approaching.
Eating some food. It's good, queasiness seems a bit supressed by the act of eating.
15:15: Scatterbrained, been tabbing through windows for 10 minutes. Not very goal-oriented. Feeling good, bodily, a bit worried about the state of the world, mentally. This drug does not seem conducive to twitter. Or maybe twitter is inconducive to [insert noun].
16:20 Feel comfortable. In an exploratory mood, feel I "feel" this compound, but things are not that eventful. My purpose is to try to gain a deeper understanding of my relationship with my partner. But still, why is it that with age it seems like the patience of youth in trying out different substances on their own is pretty much gone? Nevertheless, I decide to ingest 1/2 of a 550 µ blotter of NBOME-2C-I (inspired by postings by tregar). Cats are playful. Listening to Killing Joke, A Love Like Blood. A song like my mood. Appeals to me.
21:40 Stopped taking notes when the trip started to really mean something. This went on for several hours. Then I stopped noting why I stopped taking down notes when the whole thing degenerated into the usual multi-substance "enhancement".... thought out, though.
Anyway, at some point I snorted an additional 5 mg of escaline and took an additional half a tab of NBOME-2C-B. Loooong shower. Bodily sensations. I need to get grounded in this world. The world of the computer captured me for... ??? plenty hours. Time spent better elsewhere, perchance. However, it resulted in me ordering 3 replacement 9v AC adapters for my Alesis effect rack units.
The most involving and interesting part of the trip consisted of me lying in the bed under covers and listening to Primal Scream and Kettel and wondering, why I love her, what kind of problems I brought with me into this relationship.... memory lane: my hometown and what other people I probably really meant much for are doing now. What I did to THEM. THEN. Why I need to be loved, forgiven. Got the urge to go dance my ass off together with her. In the capital, where my friends are - but I want to be with her, in that situation, the two of us, and the music. I need her to see me wanting her. And I need to learn how to create those kind of situations instead of being "dragged into darkness" (my own, and hers).
In parallell to this, there was the beautiful flow of a really involving trip - crying under pillows in a happy daze under a fluffy bed sheet, because music sounds so damn fantastic even at the most basic cellular structures of my body.
In the end, music is all that I cared about, and became inspired to make some sounds of my own. Smoked some 5f-AKB-48 [? mg], snorted some 4-FMA [~8-10 mg] and got my drum machine and my acid station synced up. Some pretty gritty shit pumping not soon thereafter. Realize that: I like the sounds I can make. I like my machines. After a while, it was obvious that I had got stuck on the technical side of things (trying to get the OSCar filter clone to receive midi cc messages from the drum machine) .... however, encouraging attempts were made!
[at this point, it is obvious that I'm stretching things a bit with the trip]
02
?: Added some [?] 4-HO-MET and methoxetamine [15 mg sublingual]... Time to pull this night to an end with some movie or other.
[This was followed of several hours of being incredibly confused trying to watch Derek Jarman movies. Completely amazed, mouth agape. Obviously stopped taking notes.]
Take home message:
* I'd totally repeat the escaline / 25x-nbome-combo - invigorating both as therapeutic material and general pondering the state of the world - but next time, plz leave the other substances out of the mix, ok Bob? A bit of a worry, actually - I don't want all my trips to be like "OK, let's go clean with this and feel the specialness of compound X" only to degenerate into a semi-irresponsible free for all. Of course, I've experienced worse evenings in that respect. But there is a lingering feeling of neither having respected the substances, nor myself. Chasing the high is better left to alcohol or stimulants.
* Mulungu/ginger was good for keeping some anxiety and stomach discomfort at bay.
* I'm pretty sure I got through a few mental obstacles during the course of the day, but at the same time unsure if monoamine levels or the general psychic toll of tripping made it hard for me to translate the questions I asked myself into concrete actions in my relationship.
* Watching Derek Jarman fucked up on drugs pretty much rules
* Isn't it time to go dancing soon?
So that was my experience, it's been in the cupboard for a couple of months, so it's been a while.
Next up is probably LSZ, MET or 3C-P, depending on the situation at work, and at home.
I'd really like some feedback on other people's experiences of tripping while any significant other(s) are out of town, and on the role of psychedelics in problem solving in relationships. And discussion about escaline and nbome-2c-x, of course. And how about your patience for staying with only one substance? Better or worse than previously? Why?
Thx everyone.
Subject: 30 year old male / 80 kg.
Previous experience: MDMA, 5-Meo-DMT, AMT, LSD, 5-MeO-MiPT, DiPT, DXM, 3-desoxy-MDA, 2C-I, 2C-C, 2C-D, 2C-B, N-ethyl-2C-B, 2C-T-4, 2C-E, MXE, 4-FMA, 4-FA, 4-MMC, 4-FMC, Salvia D., 5-MeO-MET, 4-HO-MET, etc.
Setting: Inside my apartment.
Set: This trip mostly dealt with thoughts about relationships, so please excuse me while I retrace some of the steps of my [then] recent thoughts on my situation. Girlfriend is out of the country for a couple days. Honestly, I think I will enjoy the break - we moved together a couple of months ago, and things have been a bit turbulent after her only relative died suddenly after diagnosed with a terrible disease. I think I'll enjoy the break, but at the same time I think that, maybe she wants of me to implore her not to go? Or at least display some kind of jealousy because she is visiting an ex-boyfriend, anything... I'm not surprised that someone becomes hard to read when suffering through the loss of a loved one, this I can understand. I also now that she at times becomes really unsure of herself - de-centered in a bad way? - and about what I feel for her. I'm easily caught up with emotional turbulence like that ("dragged into the darkness"). So, this is basically the setting of the trip: me wanting to try to figure things out, to do some kind of psychedelic re-integration of a bit of a rough ride (much of it caused by being caught up by work - almost like something out of "Modern Times"!)
After she left we had a weird exchange of text messages, me trying to work from home, she on the commuter train heading for the airport. I feel drained, but suspect that she became somewhat relieved by our mutual explosition of emotional texting. I tend to avoid open expression of conflicts in a relationship, simply because I do not know how to handle them, preferring some kind of low-intensity negotiation model instead. She is the very opposite; when I feel that if you said something, then you've said it; but for her, things uttered in affect are transient and can be left behind - the important thing is that you actively display an at least some kind of attempt to re-align. Or are these just narratives about her and me I've constructed and just haven't had the time (or taken myself the time) to either think about them or bring them up with her? Thoughts.
Live, mostly un-edited, report ensues:
13.30 50 mg escaline down the hatch.
14:00 First alerts. Clearly recognizable as phenethylamine:ish, but still, they feel strange somehow. More "full-bodied" and pleasant than the weak rush you get from the first alerts when coming up on 2C-X's.
14:20 Already there is visual activity, a heigthened sensitivity to light, some emphasis of tryptaminic blue/purple/green, but with the added phenethylamine "sizzle". Listening to a radio report on "internal border control". Swedish police, on the orders of the right-wing government, have started using racial profiling in chasing illegal immigrants. It is heartening to hear both representatives of the Swedish state church and local activists from autonomist leftist organizations taking a stand against this racist practice. The autonomists are organizing citizen patrols in the subway, aiding immigrants by pinpointing the police both physically and in cyberspace, using social media to broadcast warnings. Forget that I had a pot of rice cooking on the stove - almost burn it! Queasiness. Drinking some ginger/mulungu tea in order to ease potential stomach discomfort.
14:40: Send reassuring text to GF in response to a "airplane touched down just now. I'm not feeling that good, but a bit more stable. Everything is probably going to be OK". I hope she finds it reassuring. The reality is that I'm taking a drug to process our relationship, or at least trying to get some kind of grip on our constant ups and downs. This is also something of a theme for the trip.
14:45: Listening to a radio report on the pro-control movement in Sweden. I am a bit depressed about the fact that the "yes to life" organization apparently has 1600 subscribing members (and about 400 commercial enterprises supporting them, apparently). At the same time, I feel a bit more depth to my thoughts and reactions than would usually be the case.
A young woman belonging to a more extremist organization (by Swedish standards at least) tells of not being bothered about using photos of aborted fetuses for shock value in propaganda since "I'm a vegan and used to be an animal rights activist, and I realize that I've been working with these methods since forever now". Pondering the downward spiral vegan -> sxe -> hardline -> reactionary pro-control activist, and (vegetarian for +10 years and recently went vegan) actually have to reason myself through the complex circles of reasoning which she must have gone through. It is quite invigorating actually, trying to emphasize with someone whose views really are deeply disturbing. Even though the founder of the "yes to life" organization is a member of parliament today, it seems that a large majority of the natives of this country still cherish choice. International women's day (8 march) is fast approaching.
Eating some food. It's good, queasiness seems a bit supressed by the act of eating.
15:15: Scatterbrained, been tabbing through windows for 10 minutes. Not very goal-oriented. Feeling good, bodily, a bit worried about the state of the world, mentally. This drug does not seem conducive to twitter. Or maybe twitter is inconducive to [insert noun].
16:20 Feel comfortable. In an exploratory mood, feel I "feel" this compound, but things are not that eventful. My purpose is to try to gain a deeper understanding of my relationship with my partner. But still, why is it that with age it seems like the patience of youth in trying out different substances on their own is pretty much gone? Nevertheless, I decide to ingest 1/2 of a 550 µ blotter of NBOME-2C-I (inspired by postings by tregar). Cats are playful. Listening to Killing Joke, A Love Like Blood. A song like my mood. Appeals to me.
21:40 Stopped taking notes when the trip started to really mean something. This went on for several hours. Then I stopped noting why I stopped taking down notes when the whole thing degenerated into the usual multi-substance "enhancement".... thought out, though.
Anyway, at some point I snorted an additional 5 mg of escaline and took an additional half a tab of NBOME-2C-B. Loooong shower. Bodily sensations. I need to get grounded in this world. The world of the computer captured me for... ??? plenty hours. Time spent better elsewhere, perchance. However, it resulted in me ordering 3 replacement 9v AC adapters for my Alesis effect rack units.
The most involving and interesting part of the trip consisted of me lying in the bed under covers and listening to Primal Scream and Kettel and wondering, why I love her, what kind of problems I brought with me into this relationship.... memory lane: my hometown and what other people I probably really meant much for are doing now. What I did to THEM. THEN. Why I need to be loved, forgiven. Got the urge to go dance my ass off together with her. In the capital, where my friends are - but I want to be with her, in that situation, the two of us, and the music. I need her to see me wanting her. And I need to learn how to create those kind of situations instead of being "dragged into darkness" (my own, and hers).
In parallell to this, there was the beautiful flow of a really involving trip - crying under pillows in a happy daze under a fluffy bed sheet, because music sounds so damn fantastic even at the most basic cellular structures of my body.
In the end, music is all that I cared about, and became inspired to make some sounds of my own. Smoked some 5f-AKB-48 [? mg], snorted some 4-FMA [~8-10 mg] and got my drum machine and my acid station synced up. Some pretty gritty shit pumping not soon thereafter. Realize that: I like the sounds I can make. I like my machines. After a while, it was obvious that I had got stuck on the technical side of things (trying to get the OSCar filter clone to receive midi cc messages from the drum machine) .... however, encouraging attempts were made!
[at this point, it is obvious that I'm stretching things a bit with the trip]
02
?: Added some [?] 4-HO-MET and methoxetamine [15 mg sublingual]... Time to pull this night to an end with some movie or other.[This was followed of several hours of being incredibly confused trying to watch Derek Jarman movies. Completely amazed, mouth agape. Obviously stopped taking notes.]
Take home message:
* I'd totally repeat the escaline / 25x-nbome-combo - invigorating both as therapeutic material and general pondering the state of the world - but next time, plz leave the other substances out of the mix, ok Bob? A bit of a worry, actually - I don't want all my trips to be like "OK, let's go clean with this and feel the specialness of compound X" only to degenerate into a semi-irresponsible free for all. Of course, I've experienced worse evenings in that respect. But there is a lingering feeling of neither having respected the substances, nor myself. Chasing the high is better left to alcohol or stimulants.
* Mulungu/ginger was good for keeping some anxiety and stomach discomfort at bay.
* I'm pretty sure I got through a few mental obstacles during the course of the day, but at the same time unsure if monoamine levels or the general psychic toll of tripping made it hard for me to translate the questions I asked myself into concrete actions in my relationship.
* Watching Derek Jarman fucked up on drugs pretty much rules
* Isn't it time to go dancing soon?
So that was my experience, it's been in the cupboard for a couple of months, so it's been a while.
Next up is probably LSZ, MET or 3C-P, depending on the situation at work, and at home.
I'd really like some feedback on other people's experiences of tripping while any significant other(s) are out of town, and on the role of psychedelics in problem solving in relationships. And discussion about escaline and nbome-2c-x, of course. And how about your patience for staying with only one substance? Better or worse than previously? Why?
Thx everyone.
Last edited:
