Flynnal
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2012
- Messages
- 849
I wonder how many more episodes I can go through. Episode #12. Broke a SERIOUS boundary. Two nights ago. Woke up around midnight with a screaming left ear, there's no way this wasn't what I thought it was. Steroids fixed that one the fuck up, 75mg prednisone within 5 minutes plus 2mg clonazepam. Waited an hour, called a crisis line at the local hospital, there was nothing they could realistically do. I drank two shots of Slovakian plum brandy, and went back to bed as the screaming in the ear died down, woke up with a hiss.
My right ear feels the same as it has ever done since 2020-2023, when bad things happened to it, but silly me didn't hit it straight away with steroids. It's mostly recovered, but I can tell something is fucked up and there are certain things I can still sometimes hear that are not supposed to be heard. This is the problem with hearing damage. It's not what you can't hear that's the biggest problem, I could deal with that. A hearing aid won't work though - the problem it's what you're not supposed to hear, that is the biggest fucking problem. One man's voice isn't supposed to have a foghorn beneath it, a woman's voice isn't supposed to have fucking hidden mickey mouse caricature talking next to her.
There is a chance I am one more episode away from saying goodbye. I've already written my will and I am starting on another more special note, and want to finish it before I go insane and just do something on utter impulse, if I haven't written it all down no one is ever going to know why. They'll just find a terrible scene without an explanation. I pray to Jesus, I set up counselling sessions, I do what I can do until this fucking cunt of a thing consumes every last inch of my resolve.
My right ear feels the same as it has ever done since 2020-2023, when bad things happened to it, but silly me didn't hit it straight away with steroids. It's mostly recovered, but I can tell something is fucked up and there are certain things I can still sometimes hear that are not supposed to be heard. This is the problem with hearing damage. It's not what you can't hear that's the biggest problem, I could deal with that. A hearing aid won't work though - the problem it's what you're not supposed to hear, that is the biggest fucking problem. One man's voice isn't supposed to have a foghorn beneath it, a woman's voice isn't supposed to have fucking hidden mickey mouse caricature talking next to her.
There is a chance I am one more episode away from saying goodbye. I've already written my will and I am starting on another more special note, and want to finish it before I go insane and just do something on utter impulse, if I haven't written it all down no one is ever going to know why. They'll just find a terrible scene without an explanation. I pray to Jesus, I set up counselling sessions, I do what I can do until this fucking cunt of a thing consumes every last inch of my resolve.
