Benzorider
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2004
- Messages
- 923
Hello BL. Loong time since i been here. This is my story when i decided to fuck addiction and get clean.
Been a functioning addict for 15 years but the last 2 years i have been on 16 mg bupe, alprazolam, klonazepam, bromazepam, zopiclone, lorazepam, alimemazin, propiomazin.. (everyday, equivivilant of 60 mg diazepam) and the last 6 weeks i have been doing an additional gram of fishscale coke everyday together with a couple of 100 mg of phenobarbital (french shit) and some eurospeed to keep me going. Eventually the situation went out of control as you can imagine, both healtwise and money-wise... had a psycosis and started talking perfect norweigan, i am swedish and have never even been i norway... my god. Needless to say people got worried about me and when i ran out of the 2 ounces of blow i had bought for 4000 euros i came back to reality, well not reality but i understood that im gonna fucking die, nose bleeding all the time, you know the drill... And i was SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS PIECE OF SHIT WAY OF LIFE. I felt it my heart, at the core of my soul. HOLY FUCKING SHIT this 15 years old addiction problem have been FUCKING UP MY LIFE. Countless relations, family, friends... And of course the fucking overdoses, seeing my parents sad, sad look in their eyes and faces. Well, i said to myself, this is it. Enough is enough, im gonna get of this shit even if the withdrawal kills me, i dont give a shit.
So i called a good friend that never stops belive in me and is the stand up guy of stand up guys. Hes a nurse with practical experience in drugs... i tell him im goin CT in 30 days, can you make me the fastest taper schedule in history, please!? He said 30 days is a joke mate, this i s gonna hurt. I tell him good, i just wanna avoid dying if i can. So in 30 days i cut from 16 mg bupe to 0,5 and from an equvivilant of 80 mg diazepam to 1 mg klonazepam. Then i jump, straight into fucking purgatory, and mind you those 30 days wasent a fucking joyride either... but now hell starts for real.
Not going into to many details but after 4 weeks with an hour of sleep every 3-4 night, rollercoaster blood preassure, major pain in my bones and body, fatigue, major depression, dysphoria, anxeity, mood swings, hallucinations you name it, i had it. When i closed my eyes my heart rate went up to 180, kinda hard to sleep with that.. At this point i actually asked my PARENTS to shoot me in the head, very seriously. I was so fucking down under it was ridiculous, i looked like a a fucking wraith, a ghoulish-like creature with cancer... this was not good. So my poor parents offered them self to pay 20k for a 6 month stay at a rehab out in the woods. I said YES PLEASE and 4 days later i was driven to this place where i am right now, i almost collapsed when i got out of the car. Now i am laying in bed writing this 2 months later. Feeling fucking beautiful!!!
It took an additonal 4 weeks with an hour or 2 of sleep everynight and a very, very cognitive impairment before i started to "wake up" as they say at this facility. We are 12 great people here just working with our self and working out, eating healthy food 3 times a day, playing with animals, talking and chilling out. The place is Narconon and i was sceptical at first because im an athiest and i couldnt care less about religion BUT the scientology stuff is virtually non-existant and 3 of the 6 in staff isnt even a member of that church or whatever. Nobody even talks about it, sure there are some books of Ron L Hubbard laying around but thats up to every induvidial to read them, no pressure.
It took me 3 months from i started tapering to get to the point were i sleep 6-8 hours every night and doesnt wake up screaming in a pool of cold sweat. It was a ride trough hell and back but im so glad i did it. I have now spent 6 weeks at this facility and i havent felt better in my whole life. I dont even have cravings for drugs, since i got here i havent taking a fuckin aspirin.
Remeber folks, ALL drugs are shit. Coke isnt better and cleaner than speed, benzos arent milder than opiates, you are just lying to yourself. Took me 15 years to get that through my head... Idiot.
If i can do it, you all can do it. Over and out, greetings from Sweden.
Peace
Been a functioning addict for 15 years but the last 2 years i have been on 16 mg bupe, alprazolam, klonazepam, bromazepam, zopiclone, lorazepam, alimemazin, propiomazin.. (everyday, equivivilant of 60 mg diazepam) and the last 6 weeks i have been doing an additional gram of fishscale coke everyday together with a couple of 100 mg of phenobarbital (french shit) and some eurospeed to keep me going. Eventually the situation went out of control as you can imagine, both healtwise and money-wise... had a psycosis and started talking perfect norweigan, i am swedish and have never even been i norway... my god. Needless to say people got worried about me and when i ran out of the 2 ounces of blow i had bought for 4000 euros i came back to reality, well not reality but i understood that im gonna fucking die, nose bleeding all the time, you know the drill... And i was SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS PIECE OF SHIT WAY OF LIFE. I felt it my heart, at the core of my soul. HOLY FUCKING SHIT this 15 years old addiction problem have been FUCKING UP MY LIFE. Countless relations, family, friends... And of course the fucking overdoses, seeing my parents sad, sad look in their eyes and faces. Well, i said to myself, this is it. Enough is enough, im gonna get of this shit even if the withdrawal kills me, i dont give a shit.
So i called a good friend that never stops belive in me and is the stand up guy of stand up guys. Hes a nurse with practical experience in drugs... i tell him im goin CT in 30 days, can you make me the fastest taper schedule in history, please!? He said 30 days is a joke mate, this i s gonna hurt. I tell him good, i just wanna avoid dying if i can. So in 30 days i cut from 16 mg bupe to 0,5 and from an equvivilant of 80 mg diazepam to 1 mg klonazepam. Then i jump, straight into fucking purgatory, and mind you those 30 days wasent a fucking joyride either... but now hell starts for real.
Not going into to many details but after 4 weeks with an hour of sleep every 3-4 night, rollercoaster blood preassure, major pain in my bones and body, fatigue, major depression, dysphoria, anxeity, mood swings, hallucinations you name it, i had it. When i closed my eyes my heart rate went up to 180, kinda hard to sleep with that.. At this point i actually asked my PARENTS to shoot me in the head, very seriously. I was so fucking down under it was ridiculous, i looked like a a fucking wraith, a ghoulish-like creature with cancer... this was not good. So my poor parents offered them self to pay 20k for a 6 month stay at a rehab out in the woods. I said YES PLEASE and 4 days later i was driven to this place where i am right now, i almost collapsed when i got out of the car. Now i am laying in bed writing this 2 months later. Feeling fucking beautiful!!!
It took an additonal 4 weeks with an hour or 2 of sleep everynight and a very, very cognitive impairment before i started to "wake up" as they say at this facility. We are 12 great people here just working with our self and working out, eating healthy food 3 times a day, playing with animals, talking and chilling out. The place is Narconon and i was sceptical at first because im an athiest and i couldnt care less about religion BUT the scientology stuff is virtually non-existant and 3 of the 6 in staff isnt even a member of that church or whatever. Nobody even talks about it, sure there are some books of Ron L Hubbard laying around but thats up to every induvidial to read them, no pressure.
It took me 3 months from i started tapering to get to the point were i sleep 6-8 hours every night and doesnt wake up screaming in a pool of cold sweat. It was a ride trough hell and back but im so glad i did it. I have now spent 6 weeks at this facility and i havent felt better in my whole life. I dont even have cravings for drugs, since i got here i havent taking a fuckin aspirin.
Remeber folks, ALL drugs are shit. Coke isnt better and cleaner than speed, benzos arent milder than opiates, you are just lying to yourself. Took me 15 years to get that through my head... Idiot.
If i can do it, you all can do it. Over and out, greetings from Sweden.
Peace
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Anyway, you are an inspiration. You are now walking the walk. That no sleep thing is not for the faint of heart. It is what usually keeps me relapsing. Recently, I found a new method for