Emotionally stunted?

[OverDone]

I remember hearing this theory that as drug users, more specifically those that started using in their formative years, we stunt our emotional growth through the chemicals we use.

The theory continues to state that when we stop using drugs we are at the emotional level of the time that we first started using those drugs.

I can see some sort of validity to this claim but question it to a degree. How does one measure emotional growth?

I'm almost 40 years old and definitely lack emotional balance but not always. I can also be what others call 'very immature' and I agree with them.

What do you think? When we stop putting that shit in our bodies, are we left at the emotional levels from when we first started using?

Does this theory hold water or is it full of holes?

 

[theartofwar]

I remember hearing this theory that as drug users, more specifically those that started using in their formative years, we stunt our emotional growth through the chemicals we use.

The theory continues to state that when we stop using drugs we are at the emotional level of the time that we first started using those drugs.

I can see some sort of validity to this claim but question it to a degree. How does one measure emotional growth?

I'm almost 40 years old and definitely lack emotional balance but not always. I can also be what others call 'very immature' and I agree with them.

What do you think? When we stop putting that shit in our bodies, are we left at the emotional levels from when we first started using?

Does this theory hold water or is it full of holes?

It's nature vs nurture - it holds water no matter how you argue it because neither way can fully be proven.

My 2ccs: used daily some narcotic for 15 years starting young, round 10, am I now 10 that I've quit my devil (opiates) ? I don't roll, don't trip anymore, smoke a lil pot when the good shit is readily available - long story short I'm your casual once in awhile blunt smoker. I think I apply to this well enough to state how I feel: I started drugs to escape my (at that point) current life situation. It worked. It worked because I could ignore the feelings that hurt, nothing changed, situations worsened - as matter of fact my life really has been two separate entities - before 10 years old, if I see a photo of myself it will make me ripshit angry or cry , i have no memories to go with ANYTHING before that age. So to no surprise - I went from fear to numb to angry - in that progresion over 15 years.

Currently: psychotherapy and medication taken as needed , along with a brand new life - I feel overwhelmed every fucking day of the week. I severely miss everything about running from feelings, until I think about the fact this is the first fall in years where I have noticed how the leaves changing and climate differences *smell* amazingly fresh... if I didn't know how the smell of fall was, I'm going to go ahead and say for me I agree w/the concept stated.

In all seriousness, I was a few months away from being dead, my boy didn't get out and he's gone for an iron vacation for 5 now .. 2 friends funerals this morning , you get the point ? This world is not fair, but this life is fucking fast. I'd rather watch the notebook and cry like a baby then feel numb again, add to my physical nature and numb equating to anger = police / law suits.

 

[.Lucid.]

i definitely think this is true for me.. started smoking weed and using opiates early in high school and thats basically how i learned to deal with my problems.

but i also think the opposite is true as well.. i would say psychedelic drugs, namely lsd and mdma, have elevated my emotional maturity to a surprising degree. so i think they helped balance out some of the damage done by drugs i just abused to numb myself. however im definitely still prone to bouts of immaturity and babydom.


the problem with the whole theory though is correlation vs causation.. like are the people who started taking drugs early in life emotionally stunted because of it, or are the people who would be emotionally stunted anyway more prone to taking drugs? they cant say for sure which comes first, they just know the two go together.

 

[blahman8000]

I think a person can always mature. It's just a matter of willpower. The difference is when you're younger and still developing, it tends to just happen naturally unless you obstruct it.

 

[vortex30]

I'd totally agree with this...I was a 'very mature' 15 year old when I started using drugs and I'm pretty much at the same level of maturity that I was, though this is OK because I don't think I'd like to be anymore 'serious' or 'reserved' than I already am. Emotionally though, I was quite undeveloped, I hadn't explored many emotions other than 'longing' and what not as a child (I always wanted a happy family, siblings, to fit in, as well as to 'grow up' and become an adult) and I'm still very much so in this state of wanting a normal childhood when it is long passed and now I resent myself for wanting to grow up so badly because quite frankly it's shite. I can't seem to feel strong connections with people or activities and pretty much nothing truly matters to me, as with most young teens (but at least they're whimsically unaware of how little things matter to them). Even in terms of knowledge and intelligence, I was smart as hell at a really young age, but since using drugs I can't say I've grown much in this field. I have better vocabulary and understanding of topics and ideas, but I really don't feel any 'smarter' than I did at 15, like, my ability to absorb knowledge is no more efficient and memory recall is just in shambles.

Then again, I should try giving 'quit smoking weed' a real chance and I may find I improve in all these areas.

 

[theartofwar]

I'd totally agree with this...I was a 'very mature' 15 year old when I started using drugs and I'm pretty much at the same level of maturity that I was, though this is OK because I don't think I'd like to be anymore 'serious' or 'reserved' than I already am. Emotionally though, I was quite undeveloped, I hadn't explored many emotions other than 'longing' and what not as a child (I always wanted a happy family, siblings, to fit in, as well as to 'grow up' and become an adult) and I'm still very much so in this state of wanting a normal childhood when it is long passed and now I resent myself for wanting to grow up so badly because quite frankly it's shite. I can't seem to feel strong connections with people or activities and pretty much nothing truly matters to me, as with most young teens (but at least they're whimsically unaware of how little things matter to them). Even in terms of knowledge and intelligence, I was smart as hell at a really young age, but since using drugs I can't say I've grown much in this field. I have better vocabulary and understanding of topics and ideas, but I really don't feel any 'smarter' than I did at 15, like, my ability to absorb knowledge is no more efficient and memory recall is just in shambles.

Then again, I should try giving 'quit smoking weed' a real chance and I may find I improve in all these areas.

I find that your inability to feel strong connections and how that correlates to teenager dead on bro. And I agree, that's why as I stated for me it was fear - at 10 you are scared , at 15 you want to fit in. So we both used for coping - I feel for you bro , it's not a fun road , but one gotta go down sooner or later right ?

That's my next thought on this - so we can recognize this stuff - for me I would "try" and then just quit the second I felt like I was a joke in a shrinks office. Failure in my family was basically not top of your class / perfect - so that feeling lingers on - I ended up just using different personalities to fit in and try to be socially norm. That was the worst choice I made, I'll never stop being me just try to always grow and be better. Those personalities become you and you lose yourself - really fucking bad.

 

[ocean]

I don't know that I believe that you are basically stuck at that age- but I do see a difference in myself emotionally after getting off of all drugs.
I'm more rational and can process better.
I don't know if that is b/c I was emotionally stunted or just on drugs
I may respond again after more thought later............

 

[vortex30]

I ended up just using different personalities to fit in and try to be socially norm. That was the worst choice I made, I'll never stop being me just try to always grow and be better. Those personalities become you and you lose yourself - really fucking bad.

I'm all to familiar with this, man. I've developed many different personalities for different situations, but not only that, simply different people that I interact with on a fairly regular basis I will develop a personality for interacting with them which is usually similar to their own. I call it personality leeching (or maybe that's what everyone calls it), as I've lost (or never developed) much of my 'self' and so feel inadequate and need to utilize parts of other peoples' personalities. Maybe everyone does this to one extent or another, but I'm very conscious of this part of me and there's a stark difference in how I act and speak depending on who I'm with, or where I am (work, school, home, etc.).

 

[wolverhamptonian]

yeah two a certin degree i can agree with that because i suppose phychologicly we get use to the pattern of drinking drug taking a lot of the time and my point of view is we use the substance of choice to block out certin things so we begin to realize that works so we apply it 2 other difficulties in life as opposed to some one who faced certin obsticles in life clear of anything and went through the emotional feeling and exceptance of that situation and bit by bit consiously and subconciously developed coping stratagies four that feeling so two speak but for someone like my self i cant speak for all would always have the sustance of choice to act as a deterant from feeling what i now realize is a part of life the rollercoaster of emotional experiences so two speak so i hink you do have a point because its like weve allmost not alowed ourselves to become emotionaly matured because the sustance of choice as always masked it sort of self preservation self protection so ofcourse i think it holds water to say you are emotionall matured two the age of when one would start using ones substance of choice because there after we have been chemically assisted and not gone clear headed through the emotional pecking order of life

 

[wolverhamptonian]

i appreciate your point of view its just my opinion that it makes sence phychologicly if say someone has been using a substance from say 12 two 30 that when those important years and all the termoil that you have to face in those years is being dealt with artaficially excuse the grammor then we are not developing the same as a individual who is clear headed and making connections between thoughts and feelings natuarly and developing instinctive coping stratergies and is becoming there for emmotionally savvy or mature so thoughts and feelings we are connecting with are the substance of choice effects which see us through that situation so surely when that is taken away it is learning a different phychological respnse to a emotional situation ad of course theres a point that we will be emotionally immature if our only response as been a artificial one because our substance of choice makes the world seem uncomplicated but the truth is in reality its far from that. thats all im saying

 

[Lolie]

The majority of my friends are in their late 40s or early 50s. I would say that the immaturity theory holds true for a lot of them but it's not a linear thing. None of them started out abusing their drug of choice at the level they do now and I can think of only one person whose abuse has been non-stop for the last thirty years. The rest have had periods of non-abuse in there as well when they did a bit of catching up on the emotional maturity front.

None of my friends are trying to get clean at the moment but one thing I've observed in the past is that people's fantasies about living clean are often extremely naive and immature. They often blame the drug alone for what's wrong with their lives and think that ceasing use will somehow transform their lives and make all their dreams come true. When that doesn't happen, they often lapse into "life's so hard/unfair" self-pity like a bunch of middle-aged adolescents and are hugely resentful that doing the "right" thing doesn't bring back lost opportunities.

 

[theartofwar]

I'm all to familiar with this, man. I've developed many different personalities for different situations, but not only that, simply different people that I interact with on a fairly regular basis I will develop a personality for interacting with them which is usually similar to their own. I call it personality leeching (or maybe that's what everyone calls it), as I've lost (or never developed) much of my 'self' and so feel inadequate and need to utilize parts of other peoples' personalities. Maybe everyone does this to one extent or another, but I'm very conscious of this part of me and there's a stark difference in how I act and speak depending on who I'm with, or where I am (work, school, home, etc.).

It's only now I've started to realize how bad it is honestly. I've taken great lengths to stay clean - and it's exposed one personality after another , without leaving me with a sense of this is who I am one bit !

That's honestly when I decided - so fucking simple yet never clicked for me - you chose to act then, you choose to be who you are now. By doing this people routinely mention how different and happy or stable I seem. I try to be as well mannered as I can be, I don't know how the hell someone sees me as stable but I'll try to roll with it !!!!

Any of you guys also have an immense amount of difficulty taking a compliment due to feeling this way ? I feel as if, "if they only knew..theyd kick me to the curb in a second" is in the background almost constantly while I am trying to find a response for the party responsible for the compliment.

 

[Asclepius]

I don't think there is like a progressive timeline of emotions. It doesn't seem to me like there is a starting set of emotions, and then an ending set of emotions. People are pretty much the same humanoid with fluctuating emotions when they are 80 as they were when they were 18. They deal with different emotions more regularly, depending on different circumstances in ones life.

Agreed, Emotional Maturity doesnt have to do with your Emotions ACTUALLY changing, its more to do with the way we respond, react and learn to cope with them in varying situations. If anything they remain pretty much the same but feel less Raw the more we accept and come to terms with them. If someone has repressed certain 'painful' emotions or they label them as difficult( through denial, drug/Alcohol consumption or whatever) they have denied themselves the ability to feel these raw emotions and therefore learn how to deal with them and lessen the potency of them through experience with the emotion itself, without the use of a substance. so very often after coming off a substance the repressed emotion pops up with zeal and can feel very intimidating because the person hasn't adressed or been aware of it for so long.
Emotional Maturity

If emotions are just reflections of thoughts, how could one be emotionally stunted without being mentally stunted? Some people get mentally stunted from drug use. I feel like I have become a lot more wise and knowledgeable in the past 4 years. I feel like my brain isnt as sharp as it used to be, but I could fix that.

^ There are both cognative and Instinctual Emotions. Emotional Intelligence isnt synonymous with intellect-it can be, but not necessarily. People can have varying Emotional and Intellectual Quotients.

 

[hoptis]

In my experience, one aspect of most drugs, probably expect for psychedelics is that they allow us to abdicate responsibility or at least ignore to some degree the full intensity of our day-to-day emotions. Whether we take those drugs to escape unwanted feelings or to enhance pleasurable ones, the fact is they are an external force that alter the way we feel or process our emotions.

Over time and with regular enough use, I do believe it stunts a person's emotional development.

Of the many reasons to avoid addiction, one that takes priority for me is that I appreciate the validity of "real" emotions.

Currently: psychotherapy and medication taken as needed , along with a brand new life - I feel overwhelmed every fucking day of the week. I severely miss everything about running from feelings, until I think about the fact this is the first fall in years where I have noticed how the leaves changing and climate differences *smell* amazingly fresh... if I didn't know how the smell of fall was, I'm going to go ahead and say for me I agree w/the concept stated.

In all seriousness, I was a few months away from being dead, my boy didn't get out and he's gone for an iron vacation for 5 now .. 2 friends funerals this morning , you get the point ? This world is not fair, but this life is fucking fast. I'd rather watch the notebook and cry like a baby then feel numb again, add to my physical nature and numb equating to anger = police / law suits.

That sums up it up pretty well. Except for the part about watching The Notebook, there's really no excuse for that.

 

[somethingswrong]

yeah two a certin degree i can agree with that because i suppose phychologicly we get use to the pattern of drinking drug taking a lot of the time and my point of view is we use the substance of choice to block out certin things so we begin to realize that works so we apply it 2 other difficulties in life as opposed to some one who faced certin obsticles in life clear of anything and went through the emotional feeling and exceptance of that situation and bit by bit consiously and subconciously developed coping stratagies four that feeling so two speak but for someone like my self i cant speak for all would always have the sustance of choice to act as a deterant from feeling what i now realize is a part of life the rollercoaster of emotional experiences so two speak so i hink you do have a point because its like weve allmost not alowed ourselves to become emotionaly matured because the sustance of choice as always masked it sort of self preservation self protection so ofcourse i think it holds water to say you are emotionall matured two the age of when one would start using ones substance of choice because there after we have been chemically assisted and not gone clear headed through the emotional pecking order of life

i appreciate your point of view its just my opinion that it makes sence phychologicly if say someone has been using a substance from say 12 two 30 that when those important years and all the termoil that you have to face in those years is being dealt with artaficially excuse the grammor then we are not developing the same as a individual who is clear headed and making connections between thoughts and feelings natuarly and developing instinctive coping stratergies and is becoming there for emmotionally savvy or mature so thoughts and feelings we are connecting with are the substance of choice effects which see us through that situation so surely when that is taken away it is learning a different phychological respnse to a emotional situation ad of course theres a point that we will be emotionally immature if our only response as been a artificial one because our substance of choice makes the world seem uncomplicated but the truth is in reality its far from that. thats all im saying

That makes a lot of sense to me.. Drugs help in avoiding painful emotions and while the practicalities of life can be managed and dealt with, the emotional part goes bonkers, imo. I've seen this in myself, when I stopped using for a month I was lost and confused all the time and got huge amounts of anxiety and depression and stuff and didn't have a clue where all that was coming from. FUCK

 

[Legerity]

I used to believe fully in this theory, but now I think that it depends more on the individual and their motivation.

If somebody begins heavy drug use during their adolescent years to cope with difficult emotions, then it may allow them to get by without having to develop other ways of dealing with these emotions. But there are plenty of people that don't know how to handle emotions that DON'T use drugs, so who is to say that the young drug user would not be equally incapable of dealing with their emotions had they never began using drugs in the first place. Maybe they would have gotten older and remained just as unstable, but without any temporary relief that the drugs would have otherwise provided. And then maybe another person actually would have learned how to deal with their feelings of sadness or loss at a much younger age had they not touched any substances. But who is to say whether that is necessarily a good or bad thing?

Then I think there is the opposite end of the spectrum, where drug use may actually play a role in become more emotionally and psychologically mature. Like Lucid mentioned above, psychedelics and MDMA in particular have helped crack me open and make me more aware of the feelings that I have been trying to run away from my whole life. Along with making me feel my pain, they've also allowed me to feel more positive emotions that were otherwise blocked from my consciousness.

So again I think each individual has their own relationships to the drugs they use, and so the consequences will be different depending on all the variables involved.

 

[rickolasnice]

What do you think? When we stop putting that shit in our bodies, are we left at the emotional levels from when we first started using?

Definately not. Your brain is always changing.. moving short term memory to long term memory. Learning new things (including reponses to emotional stimuli) and forgetting others. etc etc etc

There is no way that taking drugs (i notice it's not even specific to a type of drug, let alone a specific chemical) stops your brain from developing. And there's noway that stopping drug intake would make your brain magically revert back to it's past self.

 

[Depressicaa]

I find that your inability to feel strong connections and how that correlates to teenager dead on bro. And I agree, that's why as I stated for me it was fear - at 10 you are scared , at 15 you want to fit in. So we both used for coping - I feel for you bro , it's not a fun road , but one gotta go down sooner or later right ?

That's my next thought on this - so we can recognize this stuff - for me I would "try" and then just quit the second I felt like I was a joke in a shrinks office. Failure in my family was basically not top of your class / perfect - so that feeling lingers on - I ended up just using different personalities to fit in and try to be socially norm. That was the worst choice I made, I'll never stop being me just try to always grow and be better. Those personalities become you and you lose yourself - really fucking bad.

I would like to think that I am mature, more mature than a lot of my peers. But I know I am not always mature. Emotionally stunted though, yes. I can't 'feel.' I have no passion. I have nothing to live for really. But I don't love, I don't hate, I feel indifferent towards everything almost. Like it doesn't matter (probably doesn't anyways).

Thats why I take my drugs, to make me feel passion, to feel like it matters, to make it worth something.