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ElllooooGovna;] interesting in anything that is percocet!

mmmlaurensays

mmmlaurensays

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 12, 2011
Messages
3
ellllloooo, i'm lauren

finally joined after only reading for a couple years now! i'll be the first to admit that i probably enjoy railing dirty thirties a little more than i should. there is a hell of a sob story to go along with the addiction, but i'll save that for a rainy day, or if anyone is interested, just ask. im an open book :] looking forward to a world full of knowledge. any information on quitting comfortably is welcomed :]

-mmmlaurensays- PEACE.LOVE.&.PERCOCET ;]
 
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Right on!!!Welcome! Don't hold back on your story-give it up,girl. The more you tell us here in your intro thread the more we can help guide you and give you the 411 on how things work. You are in the right place and I'm glad you are here. If you are looking to kick the habit there is a wealth of information and support just waiting to meet you,hear your story and give you the support that you need.
Bl is 1st and foremost dedicated to Harm Reduction,but the community that is here is AMAZING-I cannot find the word to describe how incredible Bl is...Also,if you need to talk about kicking the habit,feel free to PM me(I am a Mod so you can send me PMs,even though you are a Greenlighter)I have a lot of experience in getting off opiates-done it twice in my life and have no desire to add a third time to those achievements. It's not easy breezy,but I promise you-IT CAN BE DONE!!!!
If you run into any problems or have any questions about Bl,how it works,the rules ect...do not hesitate to PM ANY Mod. The Mods here are amazing-and I mean all of them,not just here in the NMI thread.
Hope to hear more from you and see you around the site. So glad you finally joined and I hope for you a most fulfilling and rewarding journey here on Bl.


Much peace and love.....................................................skillz<3 =D <3
 
hola again :] -it's lauren!

I AM SO THANKFUL for the repsonses i got! I am so excited about sharing my story along with hearing everyone elses! : ) So here i go! Ill give you a short version and a long version, lol cause its kind of a long story.

Short= i was with a guy for 5 years, he was my highschool sweetheart, first love, first everthing. he got me hooked on percs, joined the military, moved away and left me behind not only with a broken heart, but a pill habit.

Long= It all started five years ago, met the most amazing person i could have ever even dreamed of meeting. A guy i couldn't have wished up if i tried. I thought i had my forever. He was my highschool sweetheart, i had been in love before, i thought. But i learned from loving him that i hadnt really loved before him. He showed me REAL TRUE UNDENIABLE UNDEFINABLE UNCONDITIONAL DEEP CONNECTING RAW (and a million other adjectives i could name hahaha) type of love. We were eachothers everything. I cant even put into words how happy i was. See i always had this secret desire to marry my highschool sweetheart. my parents, grandparents, everyone i looked up to had. And i finally thought it was going to be my turn. He was younger than me, so when i graduated high school i stayed behind in my hometown to wait for him so that we could go to college together. We applied to the same place, got in, and went to college together. A year after we started school he decided it wasnt for him, and he wanted to join the Coast Guard.
Now before i get into the good stuff, I need to let you know, I was the textbook perfect girlfriend, i really was. His friends loved me, i hung with him and his friends, im awesome and adventurous in the bedroom, im not too shabby looking, lol his family loves me, and i mean anything a guy could ask for. I gave him the world and more, anything he could have wanted in a girlfriend, i was it. And he would even tell me this on many occasions, his friends too, so it just makes the ended even harder to understand. : ( Okay so anyways were rounding our 5 year anniversary of being together and he is readying to leave for Basic Training. I left college and started attending a local college to be closer to him (our college was 5 hours from home, and we couldnt stand being away from eachother, seeing as how we were together almost every single day and night since we had met!) Everything was amazing between us, and in my mind all i could think about is how, i know that he is going to get stationed someplace far once he is finished with basic... So we had the talk about how once he was settled that I would be moving with him, soon after marriage, family, the whole nine... my fairytale ending, or so i thought.

Maybe 6 months before he was to leave for basic, i found out that him and some of his closest friends were having a little too much fun with percocet. Which was a huge shock to me, see he was the star basketball player at our highschool, out side of a little drinking, he never touched a drug in his life. And naturally, i went nuts on him! And then he started hiding it from me, and i hated that so i had to at least pretent to accept it. Shit, i even started to solely support it expense wise. And i would say maybe a month after i found out, he got me to try it.

One half of a 15 mg oxycodone, and that was the start of a downward spiral that was out of control before i could even catch myself. I should have known better because i LOVED IT. and within the next couple weeks, i found myself wanting that feeling again. I would find myself asking "babe lets just get one more to split tonight," and that slowly turned into "babe lets just get a couple so we can have our own", and so on and so forth. We continued to do them daily until he had to stop for the military. He stopped long enough to pass his test but continued doing them right up until the night before he left for the airport.

i was devistated. for the first time in 5 years i was alone. i thought i was prepared for the lonely months ahead to come, but i was completely wrong. I was miserable, depressed, but the point is, i did nothing for two months but wait for him, support him. I wrote and sent him 2 letters every single day while he was gone. just so he would know how much i loved him, how much i was missing him, thinking about him, wanting him next to me at night. it was the only way we had to communicate. I was heartbroken. But i never stopped. I snorted percocet the entire time that he was gone, it seemed to be the only way i could be happy. the only way to take my mind off of the fact that i was alone. I lied to him of course. He never knew that i was doing them while was gone.

Two months later, was one of the happiest days of my life. His Basic Training Graduation, it was amazing to see him, but i knew that i would only get to see him for two weeks before he had to leave. He got stationed in Sand Key, Florida. 1,001 miles away from me. It was hurt but i knew that i would be with him again soon. He started talking about having a family once i got to florida with him, I was happier than i could have ever fathomed i would be. So the two weeks went by while he was home, he was doing percs while he was home too, which i let him believe that i was doing them for the first time in a long time, just like him. But I helped him move to florida, i helped him pack up the uhaul, i drove the uhaul by myself all the way to florida, which was a two day drive, while he drove his car following. I withdraweld that whole way, but i got clean while i was in florida with him, and wasnt going to touch one again, i was happy. what did i need them for? we got to florida and i helped him get his apartment, helping him move in, decorated, and i couldnt wait for it to be our home together. I was there about 3 days with him and i knew i had to go back home, when he dropped me off at the airport the feeling in my gut was just heart wrenching. I couldnt stop the tears, but we held eachother and just knew that we would be together soon...

Two weeks later. On the day that i booked my plane ticket to visit him. He broke up with me. He threw our life away.
i went into the deepest depression, that 6 months later, i am still battling. But i picked up the pills once again and have been doing them ever since, it seems to be the only way to stop the tears. to stop the thoughts, the memories. My heart is shattered guys, and i have no idea how to pick up the pieces. Ive tried to move on but its hopeless, and no one is him. no one can make me as happy as he did, and i just dont know what to do. i now have severe anxiety everytime i even hear his name, see a picture. I know people get broken hearts all of the time, but i cant handle it. I was ready for marriage and he was ready to be single. He moved on so quickly. I dont understand.. I just dont understand how you go from loving someone as much as he did, to nothing. and what is so hard about it is that he broke up with me, and we havent spoke since that day. i never got my closure, AFTER FIVE YEARS. after being eachothers first everything. im sorry im rambling now.

but like i said, percocet is the only thing that makes the tears stop. makes me feel like it is okay at least for a little while. I am depressed, and meds for it just dont work. and railing 30's does. I dont know what to do now. its starting to really take a toll on my life.

-mmmlaurensays PEACE LOVE & PERCOCET ;)
 
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