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Ego death

cyberius

cyberius

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 11, 2013
Messages
1,571
I'm going to try to let my ego die this weekend. I've had 3 trips this year where I almost completely killed my ego but I could never let myself slip away fullh. I feel intense terror and imminent death and I just can't let myself fall away.

Is there any way to make experiencing ego death even a little more comfortable?
 
I can't speak from experience, but I have often heard that in that moment the thing is that you (or actually the ego) truly believe to be dying. I guess intense terror would be the appropriate reaction. The only thing I can think of to avoid that would be to not use that category of "death" at all, but to frame it as a "complete dissolution of boundaries" or something like that. But that's probably not easy as "ego death" is certainly a powerful meme.

cyberius said:
I almost completely killed my ego but I could never let myself slip away fullh.
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If you want to go further and if you think the terror might me worth it, than maybe just take a little more?
 
Any of the trips I fully killed my ego, I didn't even realise it had happened until after it had happened. That being said, there's no mistaking it once it has happened. It is by far the most unique experience I have ever had.
 
I agree...... I also, don't realize ego loss had happened, until after it had happened.
After you snap back into realizing, you, again.. you'll know, you were there soon after you remember you again.

To answer the question, the intense terror and imminent death feeling vanishes.. everything that we formerly regarded as important vanished together with the Ego. Still, we sense that we are alive, and we did not disappear with the Ego.

What we then experience may perhaps be best termed as Being. There is only the pure existence, we are eyewitnesses, contemplating the dance of forms and shapes around us. We do not identify with anything, we are a Consciousness free of the obligation to make choices. We are free and independent of the forms and shapes and of the necessity of choosing from them. All our suffering and problems have vanished, we are surrounded by peace and tranquility.

It's like you're just "being" no attachments no programming no labels et cetera just observing, not judging.
Being in that moment is priceless.

we identify with a form (e. g. our name) that originally did not belong to us (we are all born without a name), but through identification this specific form has become a part of our existence.

When the Consciousness identifies with a form, the Ego appears. The Ego always means some sort of an identification, self-determination (I am a man, I am a father, I am an Englishman, I am Christian etc.) The Ego therefore rests upon our identification with things that are important for us ego. If I am able to answer the question, ”What is important for me?” I am in the state of identification with the forms and shapes.

This state of Consciousness is always restrictive and exclusive. Identification is always preceded by a process of selection: this thing–this form–is important for me, whereas that one is not. We usually choose the forms and shapes that we find beautiful, good and valuable, since these are expected to make us beautiful, good and valuable people. Selection always comes hand in hand with anxiety and fear that we may loose what is important for us and, together with those things, we may loose ourselves. But you always come back to remember you.
 
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It happened to meand, about 20 years agoduring, when I was 19, during a particularly powerful trip. I've never forgotten it. It was profound.

I remember for some reason I started asking myself the question, "who am I" and every answer I'd come up with wasn't cutting it. My final answer was my name, and when that didn't do, and I had nothing else I could say, I felt so free and liberated. And this sublime joy came over me and this sense of connection with everything.

After that I went on to discover things like Buddhism, Hinduism, Social Psychology which validated the experience.
 
The most profound ego-death I had was when I was in a room with two out 6 other people. I could no longer tell where I ended and they began, so I 'became' me, all those other people, the sofa and whatever else. All at the same time. There are no words to describe how weird and magical that experience was.
 
It blows my mind how remarkably close these experiences are to how our true nature is described in ancient spiritual philosophies like Hinduism.
 
Yet I also find myself not surprised whatsoever. It all makes sense.
 
Muzda Jonxx said:
Any of the trips I fully killed my ego, I didn't even realise it had happened until after it had happened. That being said, there's no mistaking it once it has happened. It is by far the most unique experience I have ever had.
Click to expand...
Exactly how I'd describe it. I sort of felt it happening at first but once it did, I wasn't aware of it because I wasn't aware of myself at all. Best way I can describe it was like waking up from a dream, except that dream was your entire reality.
 
I think I've been close a few times, with the terror of dying and everything, but yesterday it happened all of a sudden, on just 50mcg of 1p-lsd, and 1 nitrous balloon, without any terror, and with extreme euphoria afterwards. Copy-paste from my shroomery post:
I saw a little man, which I identified with, working some machinery with pulleys on it. Then, like in a movie, my vision zoomed out a little, and I saw a lot more of em in sections around it, all doing their thing with a part of a machine. Now I identified with all of these little people at the same time. I zoomed out further and saw more and more of them working the ever-growing machinery, each little action of them with their little machine part having a purpose in keeping the big machine going. Finally, I zoomed out all the way, revealing that the big machine was in fact, me, my body, and all the work the little people were doing with such enthusiasm and effort was just to make me take my next breath.
I felt incredibly honoured. And like a GOD. In that moment I also realized this was the same for every living thing, and how amazing life is.
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Muzda Jonxx said:
Any of the trips I fully killed my ego, I didn't even realise it had happened until after it had happened. That being said, there's no mistaking it once it has happened. It is by far the most unique experience I have ever had.
Click to expand...

I agree each time it happened to me it just happened and I understood it happened only after I did not even know I was headed there I just was or wasn't, I guess would be more appropriate.
 
I prefer to think of it as "ego loss".

I can't help wondering why the term "ego death" is so common-place. Could it be that in our Western society (this obviously only applies to people living west of a squiggly line somewhere between Europe and Asia) we have a rather hard, rational and violent view of life and tend to think that the best way to get rid of something is annihilation? Maybe in the East there is a more nuanced view of death and loss - at least in countries where meditation and deep spiritual practices are part of the culture (as opposed to the dress-up-on-sunday christianity in the West).

I realise this is probably just a hopeless generalisation that caricatures spirituality but I thought I'd just throw in my tuppence worth.
 
Lovecraft said:
It blows my mind how remarkably close these experiences are to how our true nature is described in ancient spiritual philosophies like Hinduism.
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Like certain people are untouchable and subhuman? That's a key concept of hunduism. What if you were an "untouchable" and you took LSD - would you think hinduism was great then? When you went back to scrubbing skid marks off your masters toilet because that's all hinduism says your good for?


Nothing to do with my true nature is reflected in hinduism at all. Not one bit. And none of my psychedelic experiences reflect such deranged superstitions.
 
At what substances/doses have you guys experienced ego death.

I've read a bunch of trip reports describing it, but I feel like it's one of those things that you don't truly understand until it is experienced. Hell, I'd say that about tripping in general. I was describing the visuals from acid to a friend that's only done lower doses of shrooms, and he only kind of was able to relate to my explanation.
 
50mcg 1P-LSD combined with a good hit of nitrous did the trick for me. I guess the time was right.
 
I experienced it one time on complete accident before I even knew what it was. It was simultaneously the most magical and most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. I took 2 very strong hits of LSD and a few hits of weed on the come-up. For reference, my friends who had as much experience if not more than I do with psychedelics said, after one tab each, tripped 'too hard' and had very difficult experiences.

The trip was very enjoyable until I smoked pot. After that I was hit by a freight train of trippiness and then reality in front of my eyes literally melted. Everything began to liquify and become one big soup. I couldn't tell where I began and ended along with my TV, couch, fridge, etc. I felt like I slipped through my body and had to walk around my house looking for it, or something tangibly 'me'.

I briefly considered calling somebody or waking somebody up to help me, but I somehow had enough sense to know that wouldn't go well for me. Really glad I didn't do that. I stayed up all night walking around my house, and then finally staring out the backdoor watching the sun rise. I remembered who I was, talked myself through the whole 'it's a drug that produces powerful experiences I'm not fucked up forever' thing and kinda ruminated on it for a few days.

It's kinda what lead me to the more philosophical and psychedelic parts of Bluelight. To look back on it, it gave me a much-needed changing of my surroundings and all the terror was worth it. It showed me something that I still really can't put into words, the best I can do right now is that it showed me that you can truly look at life and reality as a whole from so many different angles. Sometimes it's necessary.

Everyone should have a reference of complete dissolution to compare to everyday reality I think.
 
Ismene said:
Like certain people are untouchable and subhuman? That's a key concept of hunduism. What if you were an "untouchable" and you took LSD - would you think hinduism was great then? When you went back to scrubbing skid marks off your masters toilet because that's all hinduism says your good for?
Click to expand...

Various versions of Hinduism exist. This is the same as every large religion. Research Christians and the Crusades. Those were bad times.

The honest truth is most Christians are peaceful and good people, this is the same with Hindus, Jews, ect.
 
religion is kind of like most artforms or skills. you can only appreciate the meaning of some wisdom if you already have some experiential knowledge.

i think he was referring to the vedic idea of brahman which is the oneness of all things, an all pervading vibration which sees no separation.
 
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